When You’re Waiting on God w/Guest Lorie Barnwell

No one likes to wait. And the bigger the “something” we’re waiting for to happen, the harder it gets. Trusting God means trusting His timing which is often easier said than done. Every once in a while, a story comes along that helps us remember that miracles do happen, and that God’s timing IS always perfect. We hope you enjoy the story of our guest Lorie Barnwell. Her testimony is raw and emotional. It's full of ups and downs and has the twists and turns of a binge-worthy Netflix series. Its heartbreak is exceeded only by its blessings  - on both a natural and spiritual level. Most notably, it's topped off by a profound miracle that has left medical professionals scratching their heads! 

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Imagine Yourself is hosted by Lanée Blaise and Sandy Kovach. Lanée is a TV writer and producer, motivational speaker and podcaster. Sandy is a radio personality, voiceover artist and podcaster. They come to you from the Detroit Metro area and invite guests from all over the world to help encourage you in your health, career, faith journey and more!

Transcript

Lorie Barnwell:

God kind of stilled some of that anger in my heart, and I didn't which we'll get to later in my story, I had no idea what the miracle he was even about to do.

Sandy Kovach :

Welcome to Imagine Yourself, Where we help you imagine the next chapter of your life with grace, gratitude, courage, and faith.

Lanée Blaise:

Anybody out here used to having things happen on your time. Exactly when you want something, you get it. You want a new job? You get a call from your dream employer Asking when can you start? You have a medical problem? It's solved before you even have time to call a doctor. Now this is not the way things go. So is anybody out there struggling because things don't always happen in the timing that you want sport, expect. What if instead of looking around us, we looked upwards? What if we started having enough faith in god To trust in his timing to provide for all of our needs and the desires of our hearts. I'm Lanee, here with Sandy, And we thank you for joining us.

Lanée Blaise:

We have guest Lorie Barnwell, and she knows a lot about fate and timing. She's been the treasurer for the city of Warren for the past 6 years, and she's married to her husband who is the pastor of Royal Oak Church. She and her husband, Bill, have an 8 year old son, little Bill, and just wait until she shares how she's had to learn all about God's timing. So we wanna welcome you, Laurie. We need your hope in our times of waiting, and we thank you for being with us.

Lorie Barnwell:

Thank you so much. Really appreciate being on here today with you lovely ladies and an opportunity to share my story.

Sandy Kovach :

It's a story that includes a lot of patience, some heartbreak, and also some miracles. So I'm just gonna give you the floor To let everybody know kinda what you've been through lately.

Lorie Barnwell:

Thank you. I would have to go back to 2011. That's when my husband and I decided that we were going to try and start a family. And I have to admit, I kinda came into, that year, very nervous. What am I even gonna be like as a mom? Is this something that I that I really want with all my heart? What's gonna happen with my job. Can I juggle both? In July of 2011, I found out that I was pregnant, and I was just overwhelmed with excitement. But then, unfortunately, a couple days later, we had a miscarriage. That's something I've never encountered before.

Lorie Barnwell:

Didn't really know how to really process all of that, and so we just kind of okay. Well, this was our fur one of our 1st months trying. We'll just try again. In September, I found out that I was pregnant again. This one was a little different. I felt many more symptoms and was just really excited. Okay. This is it.

Lorie Barnwell:

And then, unfortunately, at, I think, it was 8 or 9 weeks, I had another miscarriage. So at this point, I was just very distraught. I was then not talking to god as much during this time as I really should have been, and just kind of shut down emotionally. And I told my husband and family around me, I think I'm done for now. I can't really continue on doing this. I can't take the pain. Maybe this just isn't meant for me. Just really feeling a lot of despair in hopelessness.

Lorie Barnwell:

And it kinda starts out with sadness and despair, and then turns into anger. There was definitely a lot of anger that I felt toward god in this situation. So that's, a lot of times, the moment where we begin to open up to god again. And god's ready for that, I believe. He's ready for, hey. You're gonna you're gonna yell. You're gonna be upset. I'm ready for this.

Lorie Barnwell:

And this is the opportunity where that relationship between him and I, really started to open up again. And I was driving home, it was raining, and it had been a couple months sense of miscarriage, and I asked him, I don't understand why this is happening, what did I do wrong, how could you let this happen, where's my life gonna go now? What's the next steps? And I felt his voice speak to my heart. All he said was, just watch and see. Just watch and see.

Lanée Blaise:

Wow.

Lorie Barnwell:

At that point, it was like god kind of stilled some of that anger in my heart, and I didn't which we'll get to later in my story. I had no idea what the miracle he was even about to do. About a month later, I found out that I was pregnant. I remembered when I looked at that positive pregnancy test, god's voice say, just watch and see what I'm going to do. So probably about 3 weeks after I found out I was pregnant, I started to bleed and worried that I was losing this 3rd pregnancy. Of course, as you can imagine, once again, distraught, angry, upset. But this time, instead of shutting God out, I invited him into my pain. And I stood there in the bathroom, room.

Lorie Barnwell:

And I just like, I cannot believe this is happening again. I cannot believe this. I thought you said to watch, and God said very clearly to me in the bathroom, and I I remember I was leaning my hand against the wall. I remember it just like it was yesterday. Son. He said, I am watching over him. Of course, then it's, like, way too early to know what the gender of the child is from our perspective. But he made it very clear that day that he was going to watch over him, which ended up to be my son, bill who was born in August.

Lorie Barnwell:

And there was a lot that really led up to all that. Even when we went to the hospital to have him, he ended up getting stock. And the umbilical cord was tied all around his body, and the doctors worked very quickly to pull him out. He is definitely a miracle from start to finish. So after that, of course, we're above the moon happy and the most amazing little boy, you know, I think, in the world. He's gonna be 9 this summer. A couple years after we had Bill. We decided, okay.

Lorie Barnwell:

You know, we wanna have more children and expand our family. We had tried for about a year, intentionally, but not too intentionally. But we didn't have any more children in that in that year or get pregnant. And then god brought along a different opportunity, and that was to run for treasurer for the city of Warren. And if I woulda had another child in the year before, I don't think the opportunity would have come to me. And so I ran for office, knocked doors every day for 6 months, and then won in 2015. After I won and we're getting more used to everything and really finding that new routine with my new job, we decided to really become even more intentional about having another child. And trying again for a year, no success.

Lorie Barnwell:

So I thought, okay. Now we need maybe some more assistance. And I had always suspected that something wasn't quite right. Maybe I have some kind of condition. And I had looked online and talked to different friends that are nurses and doctors, and I heard about a disease called endometriosis. And just looking at the symptoms and what women go through when they have that, it really seemed to line up with what I was feeling and going through. So we went to talk to fertility specialists, and this was in 2017. I said, I think this is what I have, and they weren't very receptive to that.

Lorie Barnwell:

They just kinda brushed it off, and I thought, okay. Well, maybe I'm wrong. So we went through with the fertility treatments, and they were not successful. They it actually went very it was very painful for me. That kinda took us into 2018 where, again, it's like shutting down with the feelings, trying to just throw myself into my work and not really addressing what was going on in my heart with this situation. Because, again, now we are 6 years from when I had my son, and no more children yet, and really no answer of why this is happening. There are sometimes there's things that happen where there are no quick, easy answers, but I felt in my heart that there's gotta be some other underlying reason. The doctors that I reached out to, including the fertility specialist, just were not helpful in really pinpointing why.

Lorie Barnwell:

So beginning of 2019, I found another specialist who he decided, we're going to explore your endometriosis idea.

Lanée Blaise:

Thank goodness. Someone listening to your patient concerns about your body.

Lorie Barnwell:

Exactly. And so I had surgery in 2019, and he found I was correct, that I did have endometriosis. I had the most severe form and one of the worst cases he had ever seen in his career.

Sandy Kovach :

Oh my goodness.

Lorie Barnwell:

For those who don't know what that is, it's basically lining from the uterus that spreads in places that it shouldn't and it can cause pain throughout your entire body as well as, of course, preventing 1 from getting pregnant. Since then, I've had 2 more additional endometriosis surgeries just because there was soul much in there. And that current doctor as well as another doctor that I've seen, both of them had said to me, they have no idea how I got pregnant with Bill.

Lanée Blaise:

That's a victory right there there.

Sandy Kovach :

It's a miracle.

Lorie Barnwell:

They have no idea how I got pregnant, and they have no idea how that pregnancy, was maintained without intervention. So they were both just like, wow. And so when I talk about when god had said back in 2011, just wait and see what I do, was a miracle beyond what I ever even knew at the time. And that everything in my body was fighting against getting pregnant, staying pregnant, being safe myself, my child being safe. But god protected that whole situation in ways that medical professionals, can't even speak for. And I think through that whole experience, and it's very interesting that even in the last 6 months to a year, how I'm seeing more of this unfold, it makes me even more grateful and appreciative that maybe I didn't know then. Yeah. Because god wanted to shield me from that pain, anxiety, stress.

Lorie Barnwell:

He really wanted me to just trust him. And I think sometimes when we're seeking answers, when we're seeking his timing, we don't realize how much he shields from us, and how answers and timing can not only be what is best for us in the long run, but also what's best for us in the short run. True. And I think about my experience in 2012, I was pretty carefree in that pregnancy for the most part until the end. I had no concept at that time, that I was in danger, or my son was in danger, or this was, like, something beyond the scope of should be happening. And it led to this one of the most happy times in my life was when I was pregnant. And I think that was something god gave back to me. He could've told me then.

Lorie Barnwell:

Doctors could've listened to me back then, but they didn't. And now I see that as a blessing.

Lanée Blaise:

a blessing. Along with the fact that you mentioned your career was able to develop in the way that it was supposed to, The story that you're able to give of hope to other women and other families who are struggling with those same types of timing. And even the fact that you said, this just really hit me that the anger was part of you know, you're being emotionally honest With God, that was what kind of unlocked the secrets to getting through to the other side. That was the route To trust in God and getting back to Him.

Lorie Barnwell:

It's beautiful. Yes. I think a lot of times, we as either if we're Christians or just believers in God, we think, oh, I can't s be angry at him. I can't talk to him that way. And being honest with him, I think, is one of the most healthy things we can do as human beings. And he's ready for it. He's okay with it. That's always been my experience.

Lorie Barnwell:

And I think that there's things in life that we just want with all of our hearts. I would love to have more children. I've wanted to have more children ever since I had little Bill. He was, like, 2 months old. I'm like, okay. I'm ready. Ready for the next one. But I think when we have that relationship with him, I think one of the most important things we need to tell ourself over and over again is he has our back, and he sees the big picture, and we just see the little picture.

Lorie Barnwell:

That's not always the most comforting thing. Okay, well, I just need to trust in god. Well, what does that mean? That means recognizing on a deep emotional, spiritual, cognitive level, that our creator has our back, and letting that sink into your soul and part of who you are and watching my life and my journey, if things would have gone differently, my life would have gone differently. I really believe God has a sense of destiny and purpose for each of us who call out to him. And when we put our trust in him and acknowledge that he has our back and fully trust that wherever life takes us, even if it's not to the ideal place that we want, okay, but he has my back.

Sandy Kovach :

I saw this quote that said, trials are not the enemies of faith, but an opportunity to prove God's faithfulness and talk about trials And not knowing what's going on.

Lorie Barnwell:

That not knowing and then going through it and getting on the other side, that's where you become refined. That's where the growth happens. Knowing that something's coming, it takes away some of that growth opportunity. It takes away some of that character development and that foundation where you want to put your trust in god. Because if we know the end of the story, there's no reason to trust. If we know the end of the story, we are not going to meet our growth potential.

Lanée Blaise:

Another important element is remembering. Because now you, in your life, will be able to remember back to the way that you felt when you were so distraught And how God brought you through. Everybody has one of those stories in their life. And it may be as far as their career. It may be a time when they Financially distraught. It may be a time when their health was really in bad shape. There's something in their life, their relationship, something Where they are able to remember back how they got from the hard side and difficult path over to the enlightened, wonderful, good side. Personally, there's some family members who've been having some health problems.

Lanée Blaise:

There's some career waiting periods that I've been going through personally, some little forks in the road. And I do think back to times in my past where God brought me through, and I didn't know he was going to. I didn't know how he was going to. But I also keep getting this message. And, Lorie, it's so funny because you and Sandy were the 2 people who collaborated as far as the topic for today about trusting God's timing and waiting on god. But I promise you, everywhere I look, these past 2 months, Everything keeps saying trust in god. If there's a church sermon I hear, it's talking about trusting in God. This podcast that we're doing is about trusting in God.

Lanée Blaise:

There's a book that I read. It's about trusting in God. It's as if god is saying, listen, Lanee, you better trust me because whether things are good or bad, It will be to your benefit. And I'm reading this book. It's a devotional journal called 100 Days of Believing Bigger. And the author, she's Marshawn Evans Daniels. And on page 1, she calls trust.

Lanée Blaise:

She has a t r u s t, total Reliance upon spiritual timing. And it just feels like this is exactly what I need when I get totally frustrated and feel like I'm just not gonna make it through, remembering to trust God and remembering back to when he helped and delivered me and family members and And you, also, let you know. To listen to other people's stories too is just powerful. I just urge everyone who's listening to really remember that. Remember your own parts where you got through, where god brought you through, how you did it, how you felt. It's crucial, like you said, in that growth.

Lorie Barnwell:

Absolutely. And I agree with everything that you said. And I think that we see trusting God sometimes as so abstract. And it really starts at the very basic level of getting to know him more. How can you trust something you don't know? And even if we don't see god's hand currently, hey, God. I don't see you in this situation. Okay. But you can still see God right now, meaning that we can connect with Him.

Lorie Barnwell:

We can pray, read scripture, and find ways to get to know him more. And the more we know him, the more we skin hear and recognize his voice, the more we will trust him. And for me, that's that's been a major takeaway. And the times, like I said, where I kinda shoved things down and just tried to move forward and didn't admit to myself to ask him the tough questions. And even though it's not that I expected god to respond, hey. You need to answer for this. But God's always prompting us, no. No.

Lorie Barnwell:

Say it. Ask me that. Say it. Say these things out loud has always been so important for my relationship with God as well as continuing to trust Him. So I would urge everyone, don't be afraid to have those, quote, tough conversations with god and ask Him those questions. It doesn't mean that you will get an answer. You might get one, you might get one later, you might get one never. But just acknowledging that's how you feel, the anger, the pain, what your deepest worries and anxieties are to God.

Lorie Barnwell:

He already knows that, but saying them out loud is more for yourself. And that's what C.S. Lewis always said. Prayer is not for God. Prayer changes me. Wow. And it's so true because when we pray, when we are having that communication with god, god already knows our hearts. He knows our minds, but it's really us who is changed. It's really us who feels then closer to God.

Lorie Barnwell:

It's us who gets to know God on a deeper level.

Sandy Kovach :

It's so amazing, Lorie. Not only did it change you, this whole experience, obviously, but people that you've spoken to at church, people that you're speaking to on this podcast, I'm sure friends of yours. Because your story is just so big, and there's just such a big miracle, and there's so much emotion through it all, and you're so vulnerable talking about it. You know, I'm not the kind of person that tells personal stories. So I I look at someone who does that, and it inspires me to wanna do that too. Not because I have something in common with that particular story, but I certainly do have other things in my life that I've had to trust. And, so I would urge People to do that as well. If you're comfortable, it doesn't have to be on a podcast or in front of a church, but open up to friends.

Sandy Kovach :

You never know how you could be helping them.

Lorie Barnwell:

Absolutely. There's nothing more powerful than the testimony of someone. You can read different things online or in a book, but hearing a personal account from someone you know, that is can be the most life changing story that you might ever hear and, yeah, I agree a 100%. Our stories are who we are. And you can't go against the validity because that's my story And that's what I've experienced. There's have been different stories I've heard over the years as well that have changed and shaped me.

Lanée Blaise:

I have something that I am taking away from everything that you just said that's a little different Then the waiting on God and the trusting on God, it is when you mentioned that you heard from God. And there are so many people listening right now who really want to hear from God. They want to hear those words of comfort directly from him. When you hear just watch and see what I'm going to do And when you especially hear, I am watching over him, which reveals that you're about to have a son. Anyone who is listening, I wanna make sure that we give that encouragement that you can trust God on that timing too, and that is something you mentioned to say out loud, to Pray out loud to believe and to desire and to ask for God to speak to you in a way and communicate with you in a way that you will hear And be blessed by and benefit by because I don't believe there's one real formula for the way that it happens, but I do believe that that desire And that believing that it'll come will come. I know my mother told me, gosh, when I was a little kid that she just wished she could hear from god. And she tried her best to talk to friends and see what God had said to them and try to apply it to herself. But if you fast forward, I mean, like, 60 years forward, she now hears from god In the little daily tiny things of what to eat for the day, where to go, which direction to go, go to the right or to the left, all the way to the big things in her life.

Lanée Blaise:

And it has just been beautiful, and she's okay that it took 60 years. And I just wonder, do you have A message of encouragement for anyone who is listening who says, I want to hear from God myself.

Lorie Barnwell:

Yes. I think that god's voice can come in so many different ways, and our hearts have to be open to a variety of different things. He always presents himself in a way that makes sense for us at that time. What I mean by that is there have been times in my life, it wasn't that I was distant from god. It's just he thought it was best for him to speak through someone else. There was times where he would more speak very directly, like he did in the story I counted, there's very few times where God has spoken to me that strongly and, in that strong of a manner. That would probably not be the norm, but I think the higher level is either speaking through someone else, or when you're praying, you just get this sense of peace. Those are kind of more the ways I have seen throughout my life.

Lorie Barnwell:

So of course we always want, as a human being, when we come before god, we all wanna hear his voice. That's designed in our soul. But God, even in those ways, is always trying to stretch and challenge us. And I would encourage everyone. If you are reaching out to him, God says over and over again in his word, that will not come back void. You reach out to me. I will not not say anything back to you. It just might be in a way that might stretch you further.

Lorie Barnwell:

It might come from a person who you don't like that much. You're like, wait a second. And God's doing that to stretch you. He is revealing Himself in that way that's going to challenge us and grow us, and ultimately, in that, bring us closer to him. This is not from the bible, but it's from this movie called The Robe. It's an older movie. It follows, in a fictional sense, the life of the soldier who crucified Jesus. And just his journey after that, he goes to this town of this woman who is crippled, and she had an encounter with Jesus.

Lorie Barnwell:

But he asked her, well, why didn't Jesus heal you? That seems kind of pointless. He could've just snapped his fingers, and you were healed. And she said, yeah, but he healed my heart. And if he would've healed my body, of course, I would've jumped up and been happy and excited, but he did something much more. And then she was, in the story, this leader spiritual leader of this town, which she might not have been if Jesus would have taken the, quote, traditional path. So sometimes to ourselves, to the outside world, things don't look like they add up, or, oh, well, god should just do this. He should reveal himself this way. But god knows what he's doing.

Lorie Barnwell:

He knows how best to reveal himself that's going to not only challenge us, but bring us closer to him.

Sandy Kovach :

I love that. So we are probably winding up, Lanee, for a takeaway time. I feel like we've heard so much power from Lorie's testimony. Do you wanna ask her anything else before we let her go or just go to takeaway?

Lanée Blaise:

I think that for takeaway time, We love it when our guest gives us a little nugget to kinda leave behind that everyone can really focus on as they go through their day, their week, in addition to everything that you've already shared. I really love that you focused in on the fact that the waiting can sometimes bring beautiful blessings on the other side. Hearing from God, many times, is something that just opens our heart. And I love the fact that you said it can be in many different ways. One little example I have is a friend of mine who said that she was just so distraught. One day, she was in her car And thinking back to, in her case, the loss of a child as well. And a dove flew in the open window of her car and just sat right there On the passenger's seat. And even though there were no words with that, that is a message too.

Lanée Blaise:

She Had a message from God that I see you. I love you. And the dove was just as, you know, kind and sweet and patient and eventually flew away and did its thing. But just these reminders to wait on God, to trust God, to love God. What do you want to leave us all with, Lorie?

Lorie Barnwell:

I think and even just the example that you just shared, sometimes there's a happy ending, but sometimes there's not. And sometimes there's things that were waiting, and it may never come. But I think the most important thing to remember in that, that God is with you through it. And I would love to have more children. I think that is very possible. But even if it's not, God's with me through this. And He knows our desires, and he doesn't just, oh, that doesn't matter. I'm going to push that to the side.

Lorie Barnwell:

But He sees, like I said, the bigger picture. And even though he sees the bigger picture, and He knows what's best for us and our lives. He's still in it with us through our disappointment, through our sadness, through our anger. I would just encourage everyone just to remember that he's in it with us.

Sandy Kovach :

Beautiful.

Lanée Blaise:

For the whole concept of trust, lots of people are familiar with the Proverbs 3:5 through 6. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not into your own understanding. In all your standing. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths. And I think your entire story that you shared with us shows us exactly how true that is. Like you said, whether it's exactly the way we wanted it and would've wanted it in the timing or not, which is thank you so much for being so vulnerable and knowledgeable and hopeful for us today.

Lorie Barnwell:

Thank you. I really appreciate you having me and giving me the opportunity to share my story.

Lanée Blaise:

Well, I guess that makes it this is the end of our show. Everybody just imagine yourself holding out hope and faith and belief that even if it's not in your timing, God's timing is still best.

Sandy Kovach :

Questions? Comments? We'd love to hear from you. You can go to imagine yourself podcast.com and hit the contact us page to email us or get a hold of us via social media. While you're there, we'd love for you to subscribe to our blog and get the links to the different platforms where you can listen and follow Like Apple, Spotify, Google, Stitcher, and more. You'll also find our website link and social links in the show notes and a place where you can give our podcast a rating. This helps us know how we're doing. It also helps other folks discover us, and we'll talk to you again next week when we have something new to imagine.