Imagine Yourself Podcast

Finding Friends Who Are Truly for You w/ Women’s Ministry Leader Angela Scott

• Imagine Yourself Podcast • Season 7 • Episode 7

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Let’s face it, friendship is a blessing, but it’s not always easy. Ever found yourself wondering who’s really in your corner? We're sitting down with Author and Ministry Leader Angela Scott for a heart-to-heart about the beauty, the pain, and the growth that come with real, authentic friendship—especially among women.

Angela opens up about her own journey through disappointment and isolation, and how she found healing through faith, vulnerability, and intentional connection. She helps us recognize the different kinds of friends and the roles they can play in our lives—and how crucial it is to discern who has the capacity to walk with you in certain seasons.

The episode also explores how friendships evolve—how to handle the ones that fade, the ones that hurt, and the ones worth fighting for. Whether it’s time for a friendship “reboot” or a graceful release, Angela reminds us that real connection is built on appreciation, authenticity, and accountability.

Take this as your invitation to get intentional. Whether you’re reconnecting with old friends or making space for new ones, this episode will encourage you to show up as your real self—and believe that the right people will meet you there.

🎧 Listen now and be inspired to build the kind of friendships that uplift, restore, and remind you: you’re never alone.

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Other Episodes with Angela

Healing After Divorce 

Comparison Detox: Author Angela Scott Helps Us Find our God-given Gifts

God Will Get You Through!


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"Imagine Yourself" is hosted by Lanée Blaise and Sandy Kovach—two dynamic voices with a passion for inspiring and uplifting others. Lanée, a TV writer, producer, motivational speaker, and podcaster, brings powerful storytelling and insight. Sandy, a radio personality, voiceover artist, and podcaster, delivers warmth and wisdom with every conversation. Broadcasting from the Detroit Metro area, they welcome guests from around the world to share valuable perspectives on health, career growth, faith, and personal transformation. Tune in and imagine the possibilities for your life!


Lanée Blaise [00:00:04]:
Welcome to Imagine Yourself. I'm Linnae here with Sandy and I want to make sure that everyone out there knows that friendship and community is important. In fact, it is a gift from God. And today we are talking about how to establish and embrace and nurture those bonds of genuine friendship with fellow women and how to go ahead and be built up and supported while building others up and supporting them. A little give and take. We can have work friends, play date friends, sister friends, church lady friends, friends from back in the day. And it is important to distinguish between who you can and cannot share certain aspects of yourself freely with. So what we decided to do was we have our very own friend on here again.

Lanée Blaise [00:00:56]:
She has been on Imagine Yourself podcast before. She is Angel Scott. Angela is a life coach, mother of three, author of the daily encouragement book called Yearning. Angela is very active in musical ministry and a women's ministry leader, as well as most recently the founder of Zarafath Village, a community that helps women and children in transition. Angela is a beautiful daughter, a sister, an encourager, and a friend. And she's the perfect person to talk to Sandy and I today about friendship and community. So we welcome you to Imagine Yourself again, Angela.

Angela Scott [00:01:43]:
Thank you so much. I could just go home after that and go to bed after that. Wonderful introduction. Thank you.

Sandy Kovach [00:01:51]:
Yeah, you take it with you. One thing I wanted to ask kind of right up front here, and we talked about all the different friends that we have in life, but there are some people who have trouble making friends. They have walls built up or insecurities or just for whatever reason. Some people are just more shy. What do you say to that woman who is listening? And what can the rest of us do if we notice a woman like that? Let's say in a Bible study or at work, whatever, sitting at lunch, what actions can we take to include her? So I guess that's kind of a two part question.

Angela Scott [00:02:28]:
It's funny that you asked that because last night when I was preparing, that was the last thing that I thought about how when we build walls, because we have been hurt, maybe we've been disappointed, maybe we thought we could depend on someone, they let us down in some way, not because they're a mean, bad person. But I feel like the word I was thinking about was capacity. And sometimes people may not have the capacity to meet us where we are in a certain situation. When we experience that, we can have offense, we can have bitterness, and all those things build up a wall. And then you say, I was disappointed by such and such. So I'm not going to let anybody in. I'm done. I'm done with people.

Angela Scott [00:03:21]:
I'm done with women. I don't want any other friends. It's better for me to be alone than to be disappointed. I think many people find themselves in that space. I did at one point, but I feel like that's exactly what the enemy wants you to do, is be in isolation and feel like nobody cares. Everybody has their own life to live. People don't want to hear what's going on with me or whatever the situation is. We kind of put that guard up.

Angela Scott [00:03:54]:
And the Bible talks about, if you want a friend, you have to show yourself friendly. I talk to my kids about that a lot and all of us. But when you show up and you're like, you could be smiling, but it comes through you. It's kind of what you give off. I feel like really having a conversation with God for the woman that feels like that, Lord, I've been hurt. I feel like there's some bitterness. I feel like I was disappointed. But I don't want to necessarily live life alone.

Angela Scott [00:04:27]:
I want to have relationships. Help me to be vulnerable, help me to trust again. But send people that have the capacity to care for me and also send people that can help me, surround me with people that can lift me up and help me and encourage me and teach me and empower me, and then I can do the same for them. Help me not to get upset when they hold me accountable for certain things too. And then the other part of it, where you talked about, what can we do with that person? Maybe we see, we can sense that a lot of times, behaviors, you know, like anger is a secondary emotion, is usually you've been hurt. We just talked about that. Disappointed. It's the same thing when you meet someone and maybe they may seem standoffish.

Angela Scott [00:05:22]:
Some people are introverted, just quiet. Nothing's going on. But I think if you're in a Bible study or if you're a more mature, maybe seasoned Christian, you would be able to see that maybe they're giving off something that has to do with what we're talking about walls. And you're able to kind of give them grace for that and maybe just take it slow with them. Just show. Exhibit trustworthiness, exhibit authenticity, exhibit some vulnerability yourself. So they feel like, okay, the guard kind of comes down just a little bit, and then maybe week by week or every interaction you have, they feel more comfortable. I hope that kind of answered.

Sandy Kovach [00:06:13]:
Oh, yeah. I mean, more than I bargained for.

Lanée Blaise [00:06:19]:
It made me Think about different spaces that I've been in where I didn't know anyone. It could be a women's conference, it could be work conference, it could be whatever. And I would tend to look towards people who had kind of a smile on their face and kind of ease my way gently over there and just kind of give eye contact and say hello. Many times those types of people that are smiling already, not only will they kind of take you the rest of the way, like, they'll kind of bring you in and say hello and even start introducing you to some of the other friends, because maybe they didn't come there by themselves and they'll start introducing you to others and it just starts to give you that sense of comfort and you can just kind of warm up to it. But I definitely know that I'm not particularly shy, but I have been in certain times in my life, even in high school, which probably everybody was.

Angela Scott [00:07:18]:
But.

Lanée Blaise [00:07:19]:
But it really just does help to be, like you said, to be open and to show that openness and then to look for others who are open as well. I just. Yeah, that might help.

Angela Scott [00:07:29]:
I think, as you mentioned, the person that is smiling, that's probably one of the sections of advice maybe I would give instead of the person that's smiling, because that's the person we're going to be drawn to. That's the one that we're going to feel like, okay, it'll be easy with them maybe stepping out of our comfort zone and going to the person that looks like, don't even come over here and sit next to me. Like, you know, because many times they don't really feel like that. They don't want to necessarily be alone, but those walls are up and they give off something. But it's really, when you look past it, it's not really that. It's just a lot of what we just discussed.

Sandy Kovach [00:08:21]:
I think, too, sometimes when we're in a group and we're on the other side of it, we're just comfortable talking to the people we know. Like, let's say we know people. We haven't seen them for a year, but we know them or they're good friends. And we're not really. We're not focusing at all on folks who might be sitting, you know, on a chair in their purse and their Bible is next to them, and that's it. And they don't look sad or anything because I'm sure they've got a good front on. Right. We all are able to put those fronts on.

Sandy Kovach [00:08:50]:
So what can we do to be more sensitive in those situations. If we're on the other side.

Angela Scott [00:08:56]:
I love that. I think it's just looking for opportunities I would go back to. Even something as simple as wherever you go, asking, just praying, lord, whatever opportunity you have for me today, show it to me. And I think in that sense, he would speak to you if it is to go and sit down next to someone or make a conversation. But let's even broaden it outside of people who, you know, necessarily may be praying or having, you know, just having a spiritual background, just in normal. Just talking every day. Any person just opening us, ourselves up and not being afraid of rejection is easy to say, but it's hard. Right.

Angela Scott [00:09:44]:
So the person that's sitting there and they're looking like, don't even come and sit next to me. You. You take a chance when you sit next to them that they can reject you. You try to make some small talk, maybe they just ignore you, but it's just a chance.

Sandy Kovach [00:10:00]:
Yes. You know, sure. They could be feeling.

Angela Scott [00:10:03]:
Yeah, right. They could. They could. Or they give something off that, you know, I won't even kind of go. But I find that when I do it to be on the lower end. I find that when I come over, because I'm the one that's drawn to the one that's sitting by themselves.

Sandy Kovach [00:10:23]:
Interesting.

Angela Scott [00:10:25]:
The people I know. Yeah. But that is because a lot of times I feel like your ministry or how God uses you or your purpose, your calling, a lot of times is things that you have experienced and he has walked you through. Right. So I've been that person sitting by myself. I've been the one with the walls up. I'm hurt. I don't want any friends.

Angela Scott [00:10:51]:
No friends. I've been through that. So that's why I'm so passionate about it, because I understand that it really was a trick from the enemy to kind of distort me. And because there is power in friendship, there's power in community, There is power in, like, sisterhood and encouragement and love. And so of course he will want to tell me in my mind, oh, they don't really like you. They're not trustworthy. Don't tell them this. Don't.

Angela Scott [00:11:23]:
You know. And you're. Now you're in isolation. Right. So I feel like, yes, a lot of times I would be that person. And you know what? It's so funny. You sit by yourself and you're. You have the walls up, and then you go home and you say, you know, I went to that event and Nobody came to talk to me.

Lanée Blaise [00:11:45]:
The irony of it.

Angela Scott [00:11:47]:
Exactly.

Sandy Kovach [00:11:48]:
Yes.

Lanée Blaise [00:11:48]:
Because, you know, sometimes I think some people don't realize their resting face. I guess, as some people would say, their resting face might just have it where their jaw is set a certain way and their eyes look kind of blank and they don't realize. It's almost like if God could just take a picture of them and show them this. This is what you're projecting, ma'. Am. You are not, of course you're going to, for the most part, have. Nobody came up to me. But in this case, Angela came up to you, and maybe she was that answered prayer to God, that blessing that you were asking for before you went in, when you were being vulnerable with.

Angela Scott [00:12:29]:
God, they went for a reason.

Sandy Kovach [00:12:31]:
Sure.

Angela Scott [00:12:31]:
Right. But it's just sometimes we revert to the thing that makes us most comfortable, right? So we don't want to be vulnerable. So we put the guard up, like, I'm good. I don't need nobody to come talk to me. But like I said, the stepping outside. So maybe that is the thing for people to do, right? An action. You see someone alone and you go and sit down next to them. Maybe you just ask a simple question or I feel like just give a compliment, man, I really like that shirt.

Angela Scott [00:13:02]:
Or your hair looks really good or whatever it is. And I would say about 90% of the time, they smile and something comes down. Now, if they don't and they look at you like, please, I just came here to do this thing, then you know that, right?

Lanée Blaise [00:13:22]:
You take that hint. You take the hint.

Angela Scott [00:13:24]:
Let them be. But I find that. That most of the time is not the case. They are nervous and they feel uncomfortable, and so they put the wall up and just pretend. And then some people just like to be alone and they're just introverted and they only came to hear the whatever it is, and they don't want all of that, and that's fine, too. But you wouldn't know if you don't go over there.

Sandy Kovach [00:13:49]:
That's right. So jumping into maybe more established friendships. I'm not saying, like Linnae was talking. There are so many different kinds. Not like your bestie from back in the day, who you know you can trust with everything. But when you get to a level in a friendship and you kind of getting along, how do you. And especially, you know, in the context of a Christian setting, but just in general, too, because our friends can come from everywhere. Like you said.

Sandy Kovach [00:14:15]:
How do we know when to tell them something? Promise you won't tell anyone. But you know, that kind of thing.

Angela Scott [00:14:24]:
So I think you have your levels of friendship, your close ones. And I've been really thinking about this. Like, really, Jesus for believers gives us directions on that. You know, he had his inner one, then he had the 12, then there were others outside of that. Right. So he didn't do everything with everyone. He didn't tell everything to everyone. He kind of modeled that to us anyway.

Angela Scott [00:14:57]:
But outside of that, just if we're talking about, you know, people, like I said, this podcast is for everyone, regardless of what their belief is. You want to be really wise, I feel, and discerning about who you are in relationship to. And I think you also really know. You know who you can tell certain things to and you know who you like. You know, what if I tell her? Everybody and their mom is gonna know, you know, you kind of know. But what we do is we will have a check about something, but we won't. We still do it. So right away you'll get a feeling.

Angela Scott [00:15:38]:
Don't tell her that.

Sandy Kovach [00:15:39]:
Oh, yeah, I've experienced those checks. Not just about don't trust them, but just like they don't need that information kind of thing. Is that what.

Angela Scott [00:15:46]:
You're right, yes. Yes. Because you have to be careful. There's a couple of things. Sometimes, even as we talk about friendships and relationships, sometimes there is jealousy. We don't like to talk about that. We look at it as an ugly word, but that does exist. Jealousy, envy.

Angela Scott [00:16:09]:
It's very hard to be friends with someone that feels that. So when you get a check, if you don't want to share certain things, especially good things, because bad things we all good. But sometimes what can happen is when good things start to happen, that's when you may see. Maybe I don't need to say this to this person. And I'm not saying you take them out of your life. You just need to understand what you say and what you don't say, because they may have some good qualities or, you know, things that you like about them or whatever. And then the ones that you don't kind of get that check in your spirit about, they may be the ones that you feel like that you could trust more. One of the things I found, too, is that sometimes you could be friends with someone for a long time, and so you have that loyalty.

Angela Scott [00:17:08]:
And it's difficult to sometimes make new friends. But God will bring people into your life, like divine connections, like I feel he did with Linnae. The way we met, we was like fast friends over the Internet. Yes. Absolutely crazy.

Lanée Blaise [00:17:27]:
Never let. Never had laid eyes upon each other either. Like we could have been catfishing each other.

Sandy Kovach [00:17:35]:
That'd be a different kind of podcast.

Lanée Blaise [00:17:37]:
Yeah, I could have been a 90 year old man looking for a little honey.

Angela Scott [00:17:40]:
But. But I was good. But look how you know it has flourished and turned into a lot of things. So I could have said no new friends. I don't know her. I got my people. But look at the blessing that I would have forfeited if I didn't move forward. Even though I was cautious and kind of a little fearful because you never know what's going on on the Internet.

Angela Scott [00:18:09]:
But I went ahead and I moved forward. And so not every time. You don't have to have a friend for a long time. You can have new friends and it's okay. And friendship changes. I noticed that too. You know, over years. I have friends that I've been friends with for 30 something years but then the friendship has changed.

Angela Scott [00:18:34]:
Maybe we're going in different directions. Yeah, I think then we don't always talk about too is when you have to leave friendships for whatever reason is very difficult. It's like a grieving process. Just like a loss of anything else that can be really hard. Especially if it's not something you can necessarily put your finger on that they did to hurt you. But it's sometimes it's just, you know, we're going in different directions and you have, you. God wants you to move forward which is very hard. Yeah.

Lanée Blaise [00:19:11]:
I had a friendship that had been since we like 12 or 13 years old. Nothing in particular happened but something we started drifting and falling away from each other and there were some components in our friendship that were just not working. And like you said it was, it was like a grieving process. In this case this particular friend, she really just came to me and said can we start over? Can we like start with a fresh slate? There are certain things that the way that we've interacted with each other that maybe because we were kids when we met that it wasn't. Now that we're adults we had to make some tweaks and some changes to the way we interact with each other and the ways that we celebrate our wins. Do you know it really did work. It was something where if both people are willing to make the changes and be vulnerable and be open and it's like, okay, we're going to start fresh but we're not going to talk like this anymore. We're not going to do that anymore.

Lanée Blaise [00:20:13]:
Even to the point of being older. I Think I've mentioned this on the podcast before. My. My husband has listened to us talk on the phone sometimes now, because, like I said, we did reunite, and we'll be praying for each other's kids. And he's over there cracking up. And when I got off the phone, I'm like, why are you laughing at us praying on the phone? He said, I just remember y' all in college, and praying was not what y' all were doing back then. He's like, it is just very funny to me to see the growth that you two ladies have done as individuals and then as friends as well. And that is a part that is interesting to talk about, too, like how.

Lanée Blaise [00:20:55]:
And this happens sometimes in marriages, too. My husband told him, y'.

Angela Scott [00:20:59]:
All. So this.

Lanee Blaise [00:21:00]:
He's like, we can either grow apart or we can grow together. And we need to, like, start thinking about how we want to do it. Because when you get older and cranky and have your own set ways, you have to really start deciding, do I want my friendships, my relationships, all these things to begin to look different or to work harder or work differently at it? And that is something that I think people don't always talk about, especially with friendships. Maybe they talk about it with marriages, but with friendships, you are growing and changing. You know, be like, I'm a grown woman now. It's not going to necessarily be the same as it was before. And I also like the part that you said about, sometimes you don't necessarily still be friends with the person, but you don't necessarily go to them with the good things or the bad things. Like, some people, you go to them with the good things, and they almost get a little sad themselves because they're not feeling the good things in their life.

Lanée Blaise [00:22:01]:
Or you tell them the bad things and they, like, think it's so delicious, or they just, like, get wrapped up in that and want to hone in on it instead of lifting you out of that pit. And as a friend, too, sometimes I've got to watch myself like that. I don't just go all the way negative with them. And their whole purpose of them maybe calling was for me to try to gently give a little bit of lift. Not totally just Rebecca from Sunnybrook Farm, and, you know, everything is great, but. But to just give some kind of lift and encouragement, and that's a very hard line to toe when you're, you know, trying to make sure that you give encouragement, but that you're not so overly disgustingly positive.

Angela Scott [00:22:47]:
Yeah. I feel like when I think about what you Said, I think the word that comes to me is just intentional or intentionality. You know, you have to be intentional with friendships because you're busy, the person's busy, you're in a different season. My season is very different. I'm an empty nester. That's my season. So I have more time. I can do the check in.

Angela Scott [00:23:14]:
I can text, I can call. I can. But someone else may be really busy during this season and they're not able to kind of follow up as quickly or whatever it is. But I feel like even in that I've grown. And that to me is just like the inner healing part. You can't love people if you don't love yourself. You really can't. You're not going to love them to the capacity that you should if you don't love yourself.

Angela Scott [00:23:46]:
So before, if I text someone, this is, you know, years ago, if I text you, or if I'm constantly texting and you're not calling me back, the first thing I think, well, she must not want to be friends with me anymore. She must not like me. What did I do? Blah, blah, blah. You didn't do anything. She's busy. You can, like kind of make it about you. But that is sometimes because those things, those disappointments, appointments, those things that maybe have you putting those walls up, it's like, see, See, she did it too. She.

Angela Scott [00:24:21]:
She stopped talking to you too. And it's. It's not. It's you in your head.

Sandy Kovach [00:24:26]:
Yeah, yeah. The enemy can really have fun with that.

Angela Scott [00:24:30]:
Yes. All she is doing is working or she's really busy or maybe got into like a new relationship. And we know when it's new. We're all, you know, we're talking every second. And all that seasons. Maybe she's in school or don't automatically think the worst, but also have a conversation. People, they don't know, if you don't tell them. Now, I would say don't nitpick on every single second.

Angela Scott [00:25:02]:
You're like, you know, we need to talk. It's like, okay, like you're tripping, but really have a conversation. You know when I call you several times or I text you and you don't even. You don't not. Don't even. You want to stay away from that, but you don't respond. I feel not. You do whatever.

Angela Scott [00:25:28]:
Now, there are people that are close, but I may not be as vulnerable with them in that way. I may say, you know what? Okay, I'll talk to them like whenever. But if it's somebody That I really care about. I think I should let them know how I feel. It's not fair for me to not let them know. Like, I'm really upset because they haven't been returning my calls and things of that nature. And I'm not saying that somebody needs to call you every single time. I'm talking about, you feel like it's lopsided and.

Angela Scott [00:26:08]:
Because we're all busy, but we make time for what's important, and we have a lot going on, but that's where the intentionality comes in. So I say, when you don't call me, I miss talking to you. Because that's what it is. Really? Yeah. Like, girlfriend, I miss you. I miss you talking. And now you don't even call me. But most.

Angela Scott [00:26:33]:
We're probably not going to say that. It will be kind of a frustration or anger because we don't want to be vulnerable. But really, I think just saying that, you know, I really miss you. We used to talk all the time. What's going on? I know you're busy right now, but I still want us to be able to connect. And then I think setting that time, like, okay, let's try to do something maybe once a month, or let's try maybe every other month, or just a time that we just kind of hang out and. And you both come up with that. And then if something changes, you let each other know.

Angela Scott [00:27:13]:
I think it's just really about that communication, because if not, you've made up all this stuff in your head that isn't true at all. And people most of the time have the best intentions to catch back up with you.

Sandy Kovach [00:27:28]:
Yeah.

Angela Scott [00:27:29]:
The text is in their phone, and they just got distracted and didn't hit send. Yes. That's really it. But for two weeks, you are furious with the person.

Lanée Blaise [00:27:42]:
You've made a whole scenario in your brain, in your mind that was never even true.

Angela Scott [00:27:47]:
Exactly. And that little communication could just clear that whole thing up, and y' all could start over. And I love what you said about your friend communication. Yeah. Back and saying, hey, let's start over. That is so beautiful to me. Just vulnerable. Like, even if it was like, you know, I know maybe I messed up.

Angela Scott [00:28:10]:
I'm sorry. You know, I really want to be friends with you again. Let's start over. Yeah, I think that's beautiful. And it depends on what happened. And you have to use wisdom or.

Lanée Blaise [00:28:23]:
Whatever, because this was something where she genuinely wanted us to make positive changes and where, to be fair, neither one of us had ever done anything, you know, There are some things that you cannot recover from, in my opinion, and that was not the case because there are some friendships that you do have to say goodbye to. There are some that are become toxic, unhealthy, draining, frustrating, to the point where it no longer serves whatever purpose it initially served. And in those cases, I've had a couple of those, but maybe we all have had one or two of those where we just had to either let it fade off or say an actual goodbye because it just was going to be more harmful than helpful.

Sandy Kovach [00:29:14]:
Well, let me ask this of both of you. If you are in a relationship like that and you said let it fade off, do you ghost someone? Is that rude? Or do you have the conversation or does it depend or does it naturally happen? You both stop texting. I don't know.

Angela Scott [00:29:32]:
I experienced that before. What I noticed was happening when you're in things you can't see. So some relationships are like trauma bonding. So I had a trauma and you had one is similar. We're sharing stories, we're in the hurt. And yeah, girl, because you know what they did and yeah, I know. You know, we meet on that and we talk about that, and everything is about that, that and then what happens. A lot of times when one person is usually one.

Angela Scott [00:30:11]:
Maybe you went to count, you go into counseling. Now you're talking to people who can kind of help you change your mindset and your perspective. Maybe if you're a Christian, you read in your word, you listening to messages, you don't want to feel this anger and resentment and bitterness anymore, right? So now your perspectives start changing and you're coming out of that. And now you and that friend don't really have. Because you don't want to go back. You want to go up. And every time you talk to them, you come down and they're probably just not ready to address certain things to be able to come up to now every time you talk to them is toxic. It's not their fault.

Angela Scott [00:31:00]:
It's just toxic because it brings you back, it stresses you out. All of the things that we just talked about. And you want to move forward from that hurt, that pain, that disappointment. And so I found this was happening with a particular person. And we were very close and we had been friends for a very long time. And I felt God continuing to just speak to me about that, but I didn't want to because I loved her, you know, and it was. She was my friend and it was very painful. But I had gotten to the point and.

Angela Scott [00:31:41]:
And it took a long Time. This wasn't like he said it. And I just, I still tried, I still. But then you get off the phone, you're drained. And all of the feelings and emotions. I'm back now in that thing. It was a hard thing to do. And I was worried about how it would look or how it would be perceived.

Angela Scott [00:32:03]:
But I really had to live out the scripture that talks about am I looking for applause from man or from God? Am I more concerned about what they are going to feel or think? Or will I be obedient to what I feel? God has told me because when you're in those kind of relationships, you know you can move in your power and in your calling because you keep getting dragged back into that stuff. And I had to have a conversation with the person and it was very hard for me. And I just kind of made it like this. You know, we're going in different directions and I just don't think that this is good, this is a good environment anymore, or something like that. I can't remember the specific words.

Lanee Blaise [00:32:53]:
This reminds me of a friendship that a family member, this is not me, but it's a family member of mine had with her friend. And it became so much dependence upon that friend calling for advice, not wanting to make a move without asking what she thought. Not necessarily doing the give and take component either. Kind of always asking, asking, asking for advice, for help, for this, for that, not really being in a position to give back. And it became twofold. The friend became kind of overwhelmed and just exhausted by the friendship. But also she too was nudged by God. Like, listen, these types of needs can only be filled by God.

Lanée Blaise [00:33:47]:
Please tell your friend that this friendship has to end and you will have to go straight to God from now on because you are putting me almost in a place of idolatry. You know, it's like you're just fully. And that just had to be the end of that friendship. And it never returned. But then God did take his rightful place and ended up being the go to for that person. Then it was healthier and that was the blessing in the change.

Angela Scott [00:34:21]:
So it was for a greater good. Right. So God needed to do something in the other person. But the, the friend, they were in that. I can't think of the word right now, but they were in that type of friendship. And God wanted codependent. Codependent, absolutely. And he.

Angela Scott [00:34:43]:
He talks about being. He's a jealous God. He wants to be first place. He doesn't want, like you said, you to idolize anything. So him speaking to the one friend telling her, whatever it was that he was telling her in her spirit about moving on from that relationship was so that he could come and be what that friend had made the other friend. Yes, right.

Sandy Kovach [00:35:14]:
We got it. It served both women, is what you're saying. So don't feel like if you're in that situation, you're hurting the other person. Because if it's truly from God, he's not going to do that.

Angela Scott [00:35:24]:
Exactly. Yeah. I was thinking about this last night, and I was just praying, and I love acronyms, always, you know that. And I was like, okay, the three A's of friendship. And I said, okay, what would I think about that? So authenticity, I feel, is like the first one. And I kind of tried to rank them so, you know, being your true self, acting in accordance with values and beliefs and personality. But I love this part, regardless of external pressures or expectations. And then the next one I thought was appreciation.

Angela Scott [00:36:08]:
And I think we're talking about friendship. You want to be appreciated. And then the third one, what I feel is missing a lot is accountability. Very, very important, because I am at a stage now in my life. I want people who will say to me, man, I really love you, and that's great, but you got to work on a, B and C. That kind of accountability.

Sandy Kovach [00:36:40]:
Yeah, I was thinking, like, you know, I'm going to be late. That kind of accountability, or. Sorry, I didn't call. You're talking about something.

Angela Scott [00:36:48]:
Well, that's good. That's good, too. But I'm talking because I want anybody I'm connected to. I want us to go higher together. That's in everything. If we're friends and I see strength and potential in you, why am I in your life if it's not to help you to draw that out and to be the best you? And I want you to do that for me, too. Part of that is talking to me about things that, you see that if I could correct them now, this should be of God. This isn't you just coming to criticize everything.

Angela Scott [00:37:27]:
But if the. If the Lord says, put something on your heart to say. Sandy, I really feel like, you know, I've been thinking about this. I don't want you to be offended, but I noticed A, B, and C. Usually it's something that the Lord has already spoken to you about anyway. Yeah. So it's confirmation. Wouldn't you want to have somebody that.

Angela Scott [00:37:53]:
If you have blind spots, they're telling you outside. People shouldn't be telling you.

Sandy Kovach [00:38:00]:
Right. That's a true friend, though. I Mean, you gotta be careful about criticizing somebody that's not a true friend, or it wouldn't be.

Angela Scott [00:38:08]:
The.

Sandy Kovach [00:38:09]:
Criticize is maybe the wrong word, but I love what you said because so many of our relationships, including friendships, can be based on competition. And, like, you brought up jealousy and this is showing, like, hey, I want the absolute best for you. I love you. I care about you as a friend. That is real, true friendship right there.

Lanée Blaise [00:38:28]:
So 100%.

Angela Scott [00:38:30]:
Because it's not. When you. That's why I talk about the healing and loving yourself and taking time to work on you, then you don't have what's called a scarcity mindset. That's not just about money. That's about, like, opportunity, too. I can't support you because I have a book. So I want everybody to get my book. So I'm going to carry you, right? No, there's enough.

Angela Scott [00:39:01]:
There's billions of people in the world. Like, I don't have to compete with you. You got a podcast, and I got one, too. Why don't. We could collaborate. I don't. But I'm just. We could collaborate.

Angela Scott [00:39:16]:
We can work together. We can. So that we could come up together. And again, that won't be every single person you come in contact with. But if I have close friends, true friends, I want to see you win and you want to see me win. We hold each other accountable. Yes. That the things of you say you was going to call or, you know, whatever the thing is, but I'm talking about deeper or let's just say you told me you wanted to write a book.

Angela Scott [00:39:50]:
You've been telling me that for three years. Come on, you. God has given you this stuff to share with them. That's what I'm talking about.

Sandy Kovach [00:39:58]:
Okay.

Angela Scott [00:39:59]:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And maybe the thing I may say, hey, well, what about, let's make sure you finish it by the end of the year and I'll be here to help you. And I kind of say, hey, every now and then I'm checking in.

Lanée Blaise [00:40:14]:
That's the accountability. That's why you're a great friend. That's why you're a great lifeguard coach as well. You have a natural ability to help people gently stay on track with their goals and their, you know, the desires of their heart and the things that. The potential that God has for them. I know there was a think. Speaking of acronyms, there was another one that I had learned. I don't know who to give credit to, but it's think T H I, N K, think.

Lanée Blaise [00:40:42]:
And make sure that Whatever advice or feedback or criticism that you're giving to this person you love is think. T. For that is true. H. That it's helpful. I. That it's intelligent or wise advice. N.

Lanée Blaise [00:40:59]:
That it is necessary. And the most important one for think the k. That it is kind, that you are saying this with kindness, and that really makes it important.

Angela Scott [00:41:13]:
Yeah, I love it. I love it. Because it's the words. They're like toothpaste. You know, once it comes out, you.

Sandy Kovach [00:41:21]:
Can'T put it back in the tube.

Angela Scott [00:41:23]:
Yeah, I love it.

Sandy Kovach [00:41:25]:
I love it.

Angela Scott [00:41:26]:
You know, like, for real, when you really think about it, you cannot get it back in there. You know, instead of just blurting stuff out, thinking about the best way, you don't want friendships to be bogged down with. Okay, the Lord told me to tell you I'm not saying, like, oh, but there should be a portion of it, that there is some accountability, man. You know, you're not living up to your. Your. Your potential. You. You know that.

Angela Scott [00:41:59]:
You know I love you. I want to see you be your best you. Now let's go have ice cream and go to the movies or whatever we're gonna do that's fun or go dance or what. I don't necessarily want a close friend that feels that they can't tell me something, even if it may bother me. They're telling me, for greater good, you need to be wise, and you don't have to receive everything that everybody says. But if they're in your circle and they're close to you, you've kind of already vetted that. And usually whatever they're bringing to your attention is something you already been trying to work on anyway. It's just kind of like confirmation most of the time.

Sandy Kovach [00:42:46]:
We could go on forever, but I know we have to kind of wrap things up, but I don't want to finish before Angela, you get to talk about. Well, we mentioned your book, and just some of the things that you have going, your ministries you have going. Do you have an online ministry, too? Correct.

Angela Scott [00:43:02]:
Yeah, I do.

Sandy Kovach [00:43:04]:
And so whatever you feel like mentioning that would be awesome.

Angela Scott [00:43:06]:
How people could reach out or take.

Lanée Blaise [00:43:08]:
A look at and see more about Angela Scott.

Angela Scott [00:43:11]:
Yeah. Well, I feel like Linnae actually did a great job of it all. I mean, you know, she mentioned everything that I'm doing.

Sandy Kovach [00:43:21]:
We'll link it up on our in the show notes so that if people. Yeah, absolutely. And in the blog.

Angela Scott [00:43:27]:
Right.

Sandy Kovach [00:43:27]:
Okay, we'll do that.

Angela Scott [00:43:28]:
I want to mention something. I want to make sure that I say this I had three scriptures, just real fast. But the first one was, I marked it preparation verse because I was like, this is such a beautiful verse. Let me start with this one. It's Proverbs 27:9 and it says, oil and perfume make the best heart glad. So does the sweetness of a friend's counsel that comes from the heart. There's a purity about it just to help you to be better. And then we know always Proverbs 27 again and 17.

Angela Scott [00:44:14]:
As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. So that's that mutual benefit of friendship. Friends that encourage and challenge us both. And. And then Ecclesiastes 4, 9, 10. Two are better than one because they have a good return on their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But I pity anyone who falls and no one is there to help them.

Angela Scott [00:44:48]:
Oh, there was one more. Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. And that's 1st Thessalonians 5, 11. So I just wanted to mention those because the Bible talks a lot about friends. And to me, like, as we read that, we see that we sharpen each other, help each other, we support each other, we encourage each other, and we give counsel to each other with pure motives from our heart.

Lanée Blaise [00:45:27]:
Those are some beautiful scriptures, some that I have never paid attention to or missed or flew right over my head or something that. Especially that. Proverbs 27:9. I love that one. Yeah. This has been a beautiful time together. Is there a website that people should go to? Even though we'll put in the show notes, but that you should mention?

Angela Scott [00:45:48]:
Well, there's one for Zarfast village and that's zarfastvillage.org and then there is agapelovendevors.com and that's where my life coaching is. That's where praise dancing is, because I also teach that and do that. That is where if you want me to speak or create content for you, I have some things there that I offer some services. So, yeah, that's where you can find out everything about me.

Lanée Blaise [00:46:22]:
So, Sandy, you have any additional questions or did we cover a lot of good ground? It's the kind of times when it's time to let go of a friendship. How to get into friendship, how to nurture friendships that you're already in. Did we catch it all?

Sandy Kovach [00:46:38]:
I think. But you know what? There is so much more we could have talked about and maybe we'll have Angela back. I feel like we could have gone a little bit More into what the Bible says about friendships. You know, Angela, you did mention the scriptures, and you. Was it you, Angela, or Lynae that mentioned Jesus and his disciples in his inner circle and his outer circle?

Lanée Blaise [00:46:58]:
Angela. Angela.

Sandy Kovach [00:46:59]:
That's right. So do a search in your Bible and, you know, type in friendship or, you know, I don't mean your paper Bible, but your online Bible. You can look up topics, because I'm gonna do that. That's a great way to get into it as well, so. And you're good, Angela. You have everything that you needed.

Angela Scott [00:47:16]:
I am. I'm trying to think, and I can't think of it. And I love the book so much, but it is by Darius Daniels. It is a book on relationships, but it talks about the different friendships, the levels of friendships, and how you. Sometimes you put people in the wrong places. People that are assignments you have. I think it's advocates. It's four A's, and I'm not doing it a good service right now, but I tell everybody to get that book.

Angela Scott [00:47:48]:
Okay.

Lanée Blaise [00:47:49]:
I think it's called Relational intelligence.

Angela Scott [00:47:51]:
Oh, we both got it, Sandy. Go ahead, Andy.

Sandy Kovach [00:47:54]:
Relational intelligence, the people skills you. You want. Once I got past Darius Rucker, I got onto him.

Angela Scott [00:48:02]:
Well, Darius Daniel, right?

Sandy Kovach [00:48:04]:
Not Hootie and the Blowfish.

Angela Scott [00:48:09]:
Fantastic book. And it talks about. Because sometimes we put people in spaces and that was not their space. So if you're assigned to somebody and you try to make them your friend, you're gonna be expecting things from them that they're not gonna be able to give you, and now you're upset with them. And really all it was was that you put them in the wrong place. And then he also goes to not just them, but now you. Are you the friend that you want everybody to be? It's so helpful. And I would recommend that if you want to know about healthy friendships, that you would do that.

Angela Scott [00:48:51]:
I thought about this. I don't know how y' all feel about it, but I did want to just say a quick prayer for the lady that might be closed off and just doesn't want to open up again, if that's okay. I think it's.

Lanée Blaise [00:49:04]:
It's coming full circle. It's beautiful. It's perfect.

Angela Scott [00:49:07]:
Lord, we just thank you so much for this time, God. I thank you for Linnae, and I thank you for Sandy and what they're doing in the earth. God, the calling and the purpose and that you have given them with Imagine Yourself podcast is far reaching. And I pray, God, that you would bless them and give them favor and opportunities and open doors for them to do even much more. We thank you, God, that you use people to be your hands and feet. We thank you, God, for biblical community. And we pray right now for the woman that is hurting, for the woman that's been disappointed, for the woman that may even feel like she's been abandoned by friends, for the one that has said, I'm not going to try again, I'm closed off. I won't be authentic.

Angela Scott [00:49:56]:
I'm not going to be transparent. I won't be vulnerable anymore. I pray, God, that you would heal her heart and you would give her a different perspective. And, God, that you would send people into her life that would love her. You would send people into her life that would show her what a true friend is, God, that you would heal those parts of her, that you would affirm her and let her know she is already loved, she's already chosen, she's already your daughter. So when she steps into a room, she steps in with your confidence. God, I thank you, Lord, that even now you are healing hearts of women who have been disappointed and who are closed off. And that you would send people into their life to show them your love.

Angela Scott [00:50:46]:
And so we thank you, Lord, that this is going to reach many ladies. And we want to glorify you with everything that we say and do. And so, God, we bless you and we praise you. In Jesus name we pray. Amen.

Sandy Kovach [00:51:02]:
Amen.

Lanée Blaise [00:51:03]:
Oh, Angela, thank you so much for joining us again. We really encourage everyone to go back and listen to not only this episode, but other episodes that had Angela. She's talked about comparison, kind of detoxing away from that. So many different topics, trusting God.

Sandy Kovach [00:51:23]:
We had, I think our first one.

Lanée Blaise [00:51:24]:
Maybe this is the fourth time, I don't know.

Sandy Kovach [00:51:26]:
And we'll link up all of them in the show notes too, for you guys.

Lanée Blaise [00:51:29]:
So that'll be perfect. Because this episode was a little love note to all of us ladies who are looking for deep, wonderful, valuable friendships or who are trying to make sure that we make the most of the ones that we already have. As we kind of mentioned at the beginning, you have kind of different friends for different seasons, for different components. You have your friends that you go and have fun outings with, and you have your friends that you. You go to when you are really in need of wisdom and help and a hug, friendships that you're parenting, go through that parenthood journey together, all those different types. But overall, imagine yourself looking to God as the ultimate friend and then blessing others through your own gifts and your own love and your own out outward ways. To those beautiful ladies out there who deserve some friendship dropped into their life.

Sandy Kovach [00:52:31]:
Thanks so much for hanging with us through this episode. We hope that you got a lot out of it and we love a rating a review. Drop us a note @imagine yourself podcast.com you can use the app to text us or go to Facebook or any Instagram. All those links in the show notes too. And of course all of Angela's information will be there as well. Blessings to you and all of your friends. And until next time when we have something new to imagine, take care.