Freeing Yourself from the Weight of Life’s Expectations

Do you ever wonder how you ended up where you are, weighed down by the expectations of society, family, or even yourself? If so, you're not alone. In this episode, we dive into the world of expectations—how they shape our lives and how we can navigate them with grace and self-compassion.

Lanée and Sandy share personal stories and insights, reflecting on how many unexpected changes ultimately brought wonderful blessings. They tackle societal pressures, the illusions of social media, and celebrity culture, while encouraging us to embrace reality and plan for a future aligned with our values, gratitude, and a deeper connection with God.

Take a moment to breathe and join us on this journey of self-exploration, faith, and freedom. Imagine yourself releasing the pressure and embracing a life of authenticity, gratitude, and trust in God. Hit play, and let's shake off the weight together.

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Imagine Yourself is hosted by Lanée Blaise and Sandy Kovach. Lanée is a TV writer and producer, motivational speaker and podcaster. Sandy is a radio personality, voiceover artist and podcaster. They come to you from the Detroit Metro area and invite guests from all over the world to help encourage you in your health, career, faith journey and more!

Transcript

Lanée Blaise [00:00:04]:
Hello, everyone. I'm Lanee here with Sandy and I wanna ask everyone a question out there. Do you ever stop and look at your life or your circumstances and say, how did I get here? This is not what I expected. This is not what I even wanted for my life. Whether it's good things or bad things, life definitely has some unexpected turns. And when we find ourselves, especially in a place where we don't want to be or where we feel like the expectations that society has put on us or our parents put on us or that we put on ourselves early on are not matching up to what our life looks like, then we need to take a breath and take a step and listen to your friends at Imagine Yourself podcast, Lanee and Sandy, and see, you know, what is this all about? There are so many different areas and facets of your life that might be affected. Your work, your relationship life, your home life, your if you're a parent or not a parent, so many things that we just wanted to kinda have a come in together moment and talk it through.

Sandy Kovach  [00:01:20]:
Yeah. I'm feeling it strongly, the whole expectations. And it kind of started when we did the episode with Angela, and she was talking about divorce recovery specifically. And Angela was, recently divorced after a long marriage. And I was divorced many years ago after a short marriage and have remarried, but we both agreed. One of the things that really stood out to us was the lost expectations. I mean, you walk down the aisle, and think, okay. In my case, I'm gonna start a family, and I'm gonna have x number of kids, and I'm gonna go live happily ever after.

Sandy Kovach  [00:01:58]:
And, Angela, who had been married 23 years, had lived that way, you know, in a sense. Obviously, not everything was great, but she thought she was going to, after being an empty nester, go on with her husband and usher her kids through college and, you know, have grandkids and all the things. And I think whether you're talking about, like you said, family, I thought I was gonna have kids. I thought I was gonna have more kids. I thought I was gonna get married. I thought I was gonna graduate from college. I thought I was gonna go into this field, and I ended up doing this other thing that I'm really not that crazy about, but it pays the bills. There are so many ways that, if our mind is constantly revolving around what life should have been instead of dealing with reality, okay, here's my life, what's the next right thing to do? Do I wanna go back and pursue this other thing? Or am I happy here? Can I make my life? Because there's blessings in everything.

Lanée Blaise [00:02:54]:
That's actually the key also because a lot of times, you know, there's the the sayings about being grateful for things. There's the person who I'm not saying this right, but I feel like it's a wonderful proverb about the man who wished he had better shoes and he looked over at the man who had no feet. Like I said, I'm saying it wrong, but it's that same concept of making sure that you take a moment to be grateful for the things that you do have and being human, acknowledging there were certain things that maybe you wish had gone differently. And then, of course, if there's ways to change and aspire to the things that you do want, go that route and go for it. And then if there's some things that you know biologically can't happen, then you try to find a way to make peace with that and to move forward with that too. Like for example, like kids, there's a certain age where you will not be childbearing age anymore and you maybe begin to embrace things. I have an aunt, Adara. We're gonna have her on the show in a few months.

Lanée Blaise [00:04:01]:
But she has said that even though she is not the biological or adopted mother of any person, she lives her life. She hosts people, especially women at her home. She takes people under her wings. She's my aunt. She takes me and and my family under her wings. So she gets to fulfill her mothering potential and she gets to live a life where she is of service to so many people. She's a a reverend. And yet she was able to make peace with the fact that she would not be able to have children of her own.

Lanée Blaise [00:04:39]:
Even the part like you said about divorce, you know, and the reason that that's so heavily on our mind is because we just had the episode called Healing from Divorce and it was with Angela Scott. It's this thing where when I was a little kid, I feel like I'm kind of the poster child for divorce. My parents were divorced. My mother also didn't think that's the way her life was gonna go, and my dad didn't either. You know, there were some some issues that happened, but when I was 4 years old, I told my mom, I'm like, mom, I see that you're crying each night. You know, I said in a 4 year old sentence, but, you know, mommy, you're crying every night. Why don't you go ahead and ask daddy to leave? And this is something where the marriage was broken. I'm a 4 year old kid.

Lanée Blaise [00:05:23]:
I could see that it was broken even though back in the 70s divorce just wasn't really the thing that you did. It's a little more acceptable now, but she realized, my mother realized, that I'm gonna go ahead and I'm gonna make this change. And then let's just fast forward to the part where now I have both my parents eventually got remarried. I have all these wonderful sisters and brothers. There's a harmony about it. It's just I can't imagine my life without all these siblings, and my mother is doing well and beautifully my dad is doing fine. In its own way, it worked out, and that's that part about when expectations don't work out the way you expect them to And when you look up at God and say, well, God, like you could have made all of this work out differently, but it did work out differently. It didn't work out textbook or the way that a straight line answer, but there are things that God does that turn out to be blessings.

Lanée Blaise [00:06:28]:
There are lessons that we learn, there are things that we came on this earth to learn and make sense of that couldn't have happened any other way. So when we do the whole coulda, woulda, shoulda, we have an episode about that too. Yeah. And sometimes we also think about instead of coulda, woulda, shoulda, just think it couldn't have happened any other way that it did. And this is the way that it happened, and this is the train that we're on, and we're moving forward with it because, sometimes, you know, at the end of your life, you might look back and say, okay. This is the way it had to be.

Sandy Kovach  [00:07:05]:
God is not seeing us as, what's that expression? We're human beings, not human doings. It's not what we do. It's not how we go through life, whether it's a straight line or and as Angela was bringing up, yes, marriage is a beautiful thing, and it's a covenant, but sometimes things don't work out. And he does know, and he is using Angela in a divorce ministry to comfort women who are going through what is a grieving period and a period of many difficulties, not just the expectations part, but there are other things too. And I recommend anybody who has been through a divorce or know someone that they go back and listen to that episode if they hadn't.

Lanée Blaise [00:07:50]:
Because how about this one too? As far as anyone who is sitting there wishing that they had a life of fame and fortune or that they look at the celebrity lifestyles. It's actually used to probably happen more before now because celebrity lifestyles are so much in your face. Maybe people don't even want to be a celebrity. But, but it used to be that you would just fantasize and wish that you could be Princess Di. And then now we all see that was not the fairy tale that we had all seen on that beautiful wedding day where she's a princess and she's got her prince charming and everything is happy. You know, it turned into tragedy, and that's not something now that people would have wanted to swap. So it's also another lesson about making sure that you don't sit and watch television and wish that you could swap places with some singer or actress or politician or any of these things, your life is the gift that God gave you to live and you can definitely make changes within it to try to get to the places that God has laid out for you with beautiful plans, but please don't try to swap places. First of all, it doesn't work.

Lanée Blaise [00:09:09]:
2nd, you know, their their life might not be all that

Sandy Kovach  [00:09:13]:
it's not freaky Friday.

Lanée Blaise [00:09:15]:
No, you don't want freaky Friday.

Sandy Kovach  [00:09:18]:
You don't want with anybody. Although, there is going to be another freaky Friday movie that I am looking forward to. Jamie Lee Curtis and Lindsay Lindsay Lohan are back.

Lanée Blaise [00:09:27]:
Then who's gonna are they gonna have a 3rd generation? Or, like, it's just gonna be those 2 again, or I don't know?

Sandy Kovach  [00:09:32]:
You know what? I think Lindsay Lohan might have a kid in this one, and Jamie Lee Curtis, the grandma. I don't know. I'm not sure who's

Lanée Blaise [00:09:38]:
wanna see it then. Yeah.

Sandy Kovach  [00:09:40]:
Yeah. I mean, I've seen that movie, like, 500 times. My son used to like it. You know, my husband. Everybody loves that movie. Yeah.

Lanée Blaise [00:09:48]:
Okay. So I'm I'm down for it. But, actually, the whole moral of the story each time, I bet, is that you wanna stay in your own body.

Sandy Kovach  [00:09:55]:
That's right. That's right. But when they do flip, when they do change, they get empathy over what the other person is going through. So that there's that part of it too. So we're we are kinda talking about, no. We don't wanna switch with somebody. But what about the part about walking in somebody else's shoes or being empathetic with someone or imagining it? Because if we're just limited by our own okay. I grew up here in this part of the country, and I did this, and I only know these people, and we're not exposed to, other viewpoints.

Sandy Kovach  [00:10:27]:
I don't know. Then that's not good either. Right? True.

Lanée Blaise [00:10:32]:
Expand your ability to empathize with or sympathize with or love or have openness to other people, what they're going through, and even to yourself though too. Have you ever thought about this, Sandy, and everyone else listening? Talking to and this is, of course, like, you you're at home. You're in your room by yourself quietly, but talking to your past self and talking to your future self. I know that people talk about kind of writing a letter to their future self and the different things that they aspire to. But I wonder instead if you almost journal to or talk to or write a letter to your future self and you focus on some of the things that are not necessarily like what kind of house you live in, how much money you'll have, what job you'll have. But you you speak more to the relationship that you have with god, the way that you talk to yourself, with kindness and love, the way that you wake up, simple things that you could do, like, hello, future Linae from 5 years from now. I am going to make sure that I stretch each morning in certain ways that my body will feel better. I will not go on a crazy diet, but I will make sure that I add more vegetables to my meals, and I will try to do some of the things to keep a healthier body, a healthier mind.

Lanée Blaise [00:12:05]:
I will catch myself and capture those thoughts when I'm having negative self talk. I will make sure that I, you know, do something kind for another person as many days of the week as possible, and that I will also model to others how I want to be treated. Hey, future Lanae, future Sandy, we promise that we will speak up for ourselves when we find ourselves in tough situations and we'll even speak up for ourselves when we hear that weird little gnawing voice like, oh, you should have gotten that job or you should be making more money and just quiet all that. Like, these are the things that we can promise ourselves. Have you ever thought about that component of dealing with the expectations that this society and this world can lay upon you?

Sandy Kovach  [00:12:54]:
Yeah. That is amazing. And I had 2 big thoughts and well, which is good for me because I usually have one little one, and then I have to work with that. But I had 2 big ones.

Lanée Blaise [00:13:05]:
Expand it. Look at those juicy ones. Yes.

Sandy Kovach  [00:13:09]:
First of all, it reminded me and I don't remember where I saw this, probably social media. But it was about somebody who was on their deathbed. And we love to read these things about when people are reflecting back. You know, what are they gonna tell us? And, usually, it's like, don't worry so much about work. Worry more about your relationships. And it was so funny. This one lady, she was like, stop trying to lose weight. And I'm not and I think I'm not talking vegetables and drinking our water and trying to be healthy, because otherwise, we're gonna have problems in the future.

Sandy Kovach  [00:13:46]:
But we worry so much about that number on the scale or what size genes. It's really not that important. Why do we continue to make that such a big deal in our life? The other thing was, though, that we do wanna honor living healthy. And I remember one of the things I was telling my son because since he's gone on, you know, his own insurance, and he's, you know, I can't monitor his dentist appointments, I'm like, on him to go to the dentist, and are you flossing your teeth? Because, you know, I've had issues because I wasn't doing enough for my teeth, and that is another big thing that can really come back to bite you. You know, your dentist is right, the hygienist is right, you know, when she's lecturing you, she's not wrong.

Lanée Blaise [00:14:29]:
There's research that shows it can affect your heart, it can affect all different sorts of things, and it also may be reflective of just the way you're taking care of yourself, period. Because you do want to get your annual doctor visits and dentist visits and and have your healthy smile and have your teeth for as long as you can. Exactly.

Sandy Kovach  [00:14:48]:
Kind of a balance between let's not just so focus on our appearance, you know, and our weight because that just takes up a lot of space that you could be thinking about and doing something else, but let's make healthy choices. And I love what you're saying about writing a letter to your future self, especially as you get older. And I think it was one of the guests that we had, and I can't remember, it was a health coach that was talking about always consider your future self. Be kind to your future self even if that's just like making your coffee ahead of time in the and I don't mean literally sitting it out all night, but, like, scooping it out so it'll yeah. Nobody likes old coffee. We're kinda getting off on a little bit of a tangent here, but I I love the way you put that.

Lanée Blaise [00:15:31]:
Hey, I'll even bring in what we just talked about to make sure it hits on more. That part about if you're saying to yourself, you're looking in the mirror today and saying again, how did I get here? My expectations were that I was gonna stay the same size that I was when I was 20. I mean, in that case, maybe you need to reflect a bit and change your expectations on that one because I don't believe we were meant to stay the same size as our high school self or our 20 year old self per se. And yet also too, I still want us to stay healthy. So it's just a whole thing about trying to make sure that we let go of how we thought life was quote unquote supposed to be. And get rid of some of these unrealistic or unhealthy or unhelpful expectations that others have placed upon us or that we have placed upon ourselves and to try to get a smoothness in life. I want you to think about even that word. If we decide we're gonna push the expectations aside and push all the should'ves to the side and say instead, how do I have smoothness in my life, in my spirit, in my day starting right now? Do I slow down and take a moment before I decide I'm going to multitask and rush and try to get work done and get dinner done and get groceries done and take care of the cat food? You know, all the things.

Lanée Blaise [00:17:08]:
Why don't when I slow down? Because many times when you operate with a flow and a smoothness and a slowness, you will be more productive, more efficient, and more effective than if you run around anxious, frustrated, hurried, and and that's where you can possibly, you know, slip up, make mistakes, concentrate on smoothness Yeah. Not about all the noise.

Sandy Kovach  [00:17:34]:
And not about the number of things that you can get done, but the quality. And sometimes, you know, leave yourself margin. I know that that's something that we don't do a lot. And, like, I find my found myself in a situation yesterday where I didn't leave myself enough margin, and I had to take my husband to, like, a doctor appointment. And something went wrong technically with the the task I had to do beforehand. And so it was just ended up being very frustrating. So all these little things that you can do, and I think if you let go of these expectations, take time to do things, give yourself margins, all of this stuff, it makes you a more calm person. You're more likely to be able to be compassionate and nonjudgmental.

Sandy Kovach  [00:18:18]:
I feel like if we can conquer this, at least a little bit, nobody's perfect. It's not gonna all of a sudden, you're gonna wake up tomorrow, and you're gonna be super happy where you are and just on top of the world. And but if you could just take a little step and start with and we talked about this in the last episode, seek first the kingdom of god and all things will be added, Matthew 633.

Lanée Blaise [00:18:39]:
Yeah, focus on that, and I still I still say focus on that word smoothness. Be willing to say no to certain things and to not give yourself anxiety over that either. The older I get, it feels like the more that when I say no to something or I have to reschedule something, turns out it was a blessing, it was a win win. Like the other person was like, oh, I'm kind of glad you canceled because now I'll be able to do that and I was gonna try to squeeze you in. You never know that you might be, you know, instead of obsessing that oh my gosh I'm disappointing this person because I have to reschedule or cancel, maybe you were helping them. Really really slow it down and listen. Listen for the nudges of God before you act. Yeah, you don't have to have this quote unquote perfect life that everyone expected of you or you thought everyone expected of you

Sandy Kovach  [00:19:34]:
or that you see in the highlight reel on social media.

Lanée Blaise [00:19:37]:
Yes. Exactly. Exactly. Let them have theirs and enjoy theirs, and you go about making sure that your life is smooth.

Sandy Kovach  [00:19:44]:
And they're not you know what? They're not showing off. Some people say, oh, so and so is always showing off on social media. They're not. They're just celebrating. And, you know, if you find yourself saying that, look inward and say admit that you're a little jealous, maybe. Hey. I I like what they're doing. Wish I was in that situation, but good for them.

Sandy Kovach  [00:20:04]:
You know? And maybe God has something else for me.

Lanée Blaise [00:20:07]:
That's, actually like a focus on joy, in my opinion. Focus on the joy and be happy for them spreading joy of what's going on with them, and you open your heart and your mind and your eyes and your ears and your life to the joy that is ready to come jump on top of you.

Sandy Kovach  [00:20:28]:
Yeah. And like you said, and I think you were relating this to celebrities, you know, they have their life. Don't spend your life wishing it doesn't have to be a celebrity. Don't spend your life wishing you had the life of someone on social media because they have cool vacations or, you know, their kids look so well behaved or on and on. They're doing their thing. You do your thing. God made you with your gifts.

Lanée Blaise [00:20:48]:
Yeah. The last thing before we probably wrap too is just one more thing about career or fame or whatever too. Like, there's a big push in this society about being an influencer and having lots of followers and having a big platform to use to spread influence. And you might say to yourself or say to god, hey. I'm a great person. I have positive things to say. I feel like I should be on a bigger platform. More people hearing me, seeing me.

Lanée Blaise [00:21:22]:
I should be doing more. Me being a writer, it's like I should have more things out there, produced by and written by Lanae Blaise. Once again, the older I've gotten, the more I've started to realize God did not say in the Bible, blessed are those who have a large platform and can speak to millions of people and have lots of followers. God was very much praising maybe the Good Samaritan, the one person We don't even know their name. They're the Good Samaritan who helped the person on the side of the road who was bleeding out and had been robbed. And that one beautiful, big act of kindness to make sure that they got the help that they needed and where other people had walked right past them, that is the kind of expectation that I want to have for myself now and that I hope that you all will want to have for yourselves now. Not just this seeking big stuff. There are so many instances where Jesus spoke with 1 person and where a whole big chunk of the Bible is dedicated to that conversation, to that interaction.

Lanée Blaise [00:22:36]:
These 1 on 1 interactions that we have or these a small group that we get together or even like what Angela is doing Angela Scott from the previous episode with RISE, getting together women in a ministry who are seeking help while they're recovering from divorce. Things like that. And, you know, this is not something that you see on the news, but these are the beautiful things that we are expected to do or that we can make into the things that we expect of ourselves instead of these big, huge, I want to speak at a conference of 65,000 people, you know? I just feel like if I didn't say that on this episode, I wouldn't even be honest with myself because sometimes I do go there. You know, like, wow. I wish Imagine Yourself was just, like, pushed out. The podcast was pushed out, and every single person in the whole world knew about it. And listened every episode, but

Sandy Kovach  [00:23:28]:
And hung on your every word.

Lanée Blaise [00:23:30]:
And hung on our every word and just, but that is what we're doing is still beautiful, and we still appreciate anyone who is grasping and capturing and loving what we are putting out and what we are trying to spread that sense of hope and joy and love and peace and patience. So we are where we're supposed to be.

Sandy Kovach  [00:23:53]:
That's very true. And I guess, like, anyone listening could put that into their own perspective of, you know, whatever it is that they're doing. What is their career? Do they wanna be the biggest and best of this? You know? And then we talked about family earlier. I wanna have this family or that family. You know, it could be anything, but the bottom line is what you were saying is to be like the good Samaritan. That is the kind of thing that god wants for us, not I'm an influencer. Everybody knows my name or whatever.

Lanée Blaise [00:24:26]:
That's not necessarily the goal. And and if it is the goal, then god will let you know, hey. I want you to do this, and I'm gonna prepare that table for you. And I'm gonna open those doors for you, and I want you to make sure that you give the glory back to God, you know, and, not get a big head. And mess it all up.

Sandy Kovach  [00:24:45]:
It can get snatched if you have the wrong attitude. And stuff like that has actually happened various moments in my life where I started as what's that, expression? You believe your own press or you, you know, start your head gets filled with certain levels of fame or certain levels of influence. And, yeah, the lord giveth, and the lord taketh away.

Lanée Blaise [00:25:06]:
Yes. And and even people too. People love you 1 minute and hate you the next minute, so you may as well stick with that audience of god who always love you.

Sandy Kovach  [00:25:14]:
That's right. That's right. And even if you do screw up, god still loves you.

Lanée Blaise [00:25:18]:
Loves you. He just still

Sandy Kovach  [00:25:19]:
helps you. He doesn't smite you. No. No. Bad attitude, girl. Smite.

Lanée Blaise [00:25:24]:
Nope. You might get humbled a bit, but still with love. Humbled with love and always there. So, yeah, I think that does it for this episode. We would like to thank you for listening. We would like to, of course, ask you to spread this to anyone you think or you feel a nudge to share this type of episode with. If you think that you can feel one of your friends or family members is just letting the weight of the world's expectations get down on them. But besides that, we still just want to end it with imagine yourself not worrying about the weight and the relationships and the job and the fame and the this and the that and more so concentrating and focusing on the smoothness that can be accomplished through a relationship with God and with taking time with your own inner soul and inner self.

Sandy Kovach  [00:26:19]:
Hey. Thanks so much for sticking with us and listening. We so appreciate our Imagine Yourself family. Or if you're brand new to the podcast, we appreciate you as well, and let us know what you think. Hit us up on our Facebook page or Instagram or even at imagine yourself podcast.com. You can find all the links in the show notes.