Healing After Divorce w/ Life Coach & Divorce Ministry Leader, Angela Scott

We're diving deep into the emotional journey of healing after divorce with life coach and divorce ministry specialist, Angela Scott. Angela opens up about her own experience—from unexpected loneliness and the struggle to find peace after a volatile relationship, to dealing with societal and self-imposed pressures that divorced women often face. She stresses the importance of letting grief run its course, healing at your own pace, and resisting the urge to rush into new relationships.

 In this episode, you'll hear about the power of singleness, single and co-parenting (whether your kids are young or grown), the importance of community support, and how faith can be a steady foundation during such challenging times. Angela shares how God’s faithfulness carried her through her darkest moments, and introduces the RISE initiative, designed to empower divorced and separated women to fully embrace their new chapter. She also offers practical advice on maintaining self-love and avoiding the trap of regret.

 This heartfelt conversation is all about personal growth, faith, and resilience, offering comfort, hope, and real steps for anyone navigating divorce—or supporting someone who is. Click play for some great encouragement without all the judgment.


Contact Angela Scott at Agape Love Endeavors

Angela Scott on Instagram


Other episodes with Angela Scott

Comparison Detox: Author Angela Scott Helps Us Find our God-given Gifts

God Will Get You Through! (w/Writer & Speaker, Angela Scott)

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Imagine Yourself is hosted by Lanée Blaise and Sandy Kovach. Lanée is a TV writer and producer, motivational speaker and podcaster. Sandy is a radio personality, voiceover artist and podcaster. They come to you from the Detroit Metro area and invite guests from all over the world to help encourage you in your health, career, faith journey and more!

Transcript

Sandy Kovach  [00:00:04]:
Divorce can be a very difficult experience for people. And whether or not it has affected you personally, someone in your family, someone you know, we're gonna get very real in this episode and really hope for some help and some healing. Welcome to imagine yourself podcast where we help you imagine the next chapter of life with grace, gratitude, courage,

Lanée Blaise [00:00:24]:
and faith. Hello, everyone. It's Lanae here with Sandy at Imagine Yourself. And today, I just wanna say something to you. Does anyone out there have a wonderful, beautiful, uplifting, encouraging friend or person that they know a lady who is always able to give wise counsel, peaceful comfort, godly scripture in just the right ways that you need it, or even just a listening ear when you need it. Well, today we have someone who this is just her specialty. As a friend, as a leader, and it's part of her ministry. We're gonna dig into a specific segment of how she helps women in certain times of need, but I just wanted to introduce Angela Scott.

Lanée Blaise [00:01:16]:
She's a mother, author of a wonderful book called Yearning. She's a singer, teacher, praise dancer, a speaker. She loves a good laugh. She loves good food. She loves all things beauty and she loves most of all, encouraging the hearts of women through her YouTube channel, her blog, and her annual chosen women's event. She is a certified life coach. I have actually used her services myself and I have befriended her through the years. And we just want to introduce Angela Scott as we talk about a pretty sensitive subject today.

Lanée Blaise [00:01:54]:
So we want to welcome you, Angela, to Imagine Yourself.

Angela Scott [00:01:58]:
Thank you so much. I mean, I'm listening to that, introduction and I'm like, who is that lady?

Angela Scott [00:02:04]:
know her. I do want to be her friend. Exactly. So thank you so much for that. God has, been really faithful, has used me, you know, in many different ways in my gifting, which is encouragement. And so I thank him, and I give him all the glory for it.

Sandy Kovach  [00:02:25]:
Well, he's definitely using you, Angela, in many ways. And just like Lanae was saying, it's great to have a friend that encourages you in all things that are troubling in life or just to even have a listening ear. But what we're gonna talk about today, although we will have you offer just general encouragement to women in general, you're gonna be talking specifically a lot about divorce and separation and how difficult that can be because you've been through it. And you even started a whole group in ministry behind that. What made you hone in on that and say, I'm gonna start a ministry for divorced women?

Angela Scott [00:03:07]:
You know, this is so it's not funny. It's god ordained because this is the first time that I'm actually speaking about it publicly this way other than to a few people or starting the group because there's so much shame around divorce, particularly in the church. And I, it's not because it's something that they mean to do, but you know, there's a lot of scriptures that talk about God hating divorce and things of that nature. And sometimes women who are going through divorce or separation, they feel ashamed to talk about it, to mention it. They feel that maybe they may be judged and that's just an, even in general society too. So for a long time, I was going through, you know, a lot of issues. I had a marriage that was 23 years old. It's so funny because as you think about how you react to stuff, when someone would say, oh, I was married for 25 years and you'd be thinking what happened? Like, why? But then when you're in it, you can see how the years don't really matter in a sense is when you kinda wake up inside and say, I'm ready to make a change for whatever situation you're in.

Angela Scott [00:04:25]:
And so the reason why I wanted to start what the ministry is called is RISE is because what I found was I was lacking biblical community and I was just lacking community overall, as far as people who had gone through divorce and separation and who had kinda come out on the other side. People could who could understand that, you know, when you go from a 2 parent home to 1 parent home, the challenges with that finances, grief, It's something that people kind of keep quiet. They keep it close to their chest. They don't really want to share it a lot, but what happens is that they're suffering inside. And so that's where I wanted to have the community of people who are going through that, that we could encourage each other. I was really surprised about the grief part because people look at grief as a death, you know? And I think as we start to go to therapy and we start to go to counseling and we're starting to just get more in tune with our emotions, we're realizing that grief is so much more. And then with divorce and separation, there's no burial. There's no saying goodbye.

Angela Scott [00:05:51]:
There's no you know what I mean? Like, that person is still walking, breathing, living, but the situation is different. And you still grieve.

Sandy Kovach  [00:06:02]:
Yeah. Yeah.

Angela Scott [00:06:03]:
And and you grieve in a different way, but it's very painful. And you don't only grieve your children, grieve too.

Sandy Kovach  [00:06:10]:
Yeah. That's right. Loss. Yeah. I can remember. And, just to kinda hit on a couple of things you said now, I'm divorced but remarried, but I went through a long time between the 2 of them. I was a single mom for a long time, and so I know exactly what you're speaking of. And when I first went to this one church, I first started going to church because of the pain of divorce, and they I felt like I had a scarlet letter, basically.

Sandy Kovach  [00:06:36]:
If anybody remembers that old book with the, scarlet a. Yeah. Yeah. So I, I ended up going to another church. In fact, it's a church where, Linae and I met, Northridge Church, and they even have a divorce ministry, kinda what you were doing. God meets you where you are. And the part about grief is, you know, you see that person if a lot of times, at least I did, I didn't dislike him. In fact, I I still loved him, and I thought he was a good father, and we put our son before our differences.

Sandy Kovach  [00:07:09]:
And because of that, you know, we'd go to plays together, football games together. You know, we were just we ended up getting along, but it was especially in the beginning, it was hard.

Angela Scott [00:07:20]:
Right. Because we holidays, birthdays. So the first Thanksgiving, I tried to put on a strong face then, but it was so hard because everyone would always come to our house. So it was like probably 20, 30 people, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Memorial day, all of the holidays, all of it. Cause I love big family cooking, laughing, playing games. And then when all of that left and it was me and my 3 kids and the dogs, It was really hard. It was different. We kind of didn't know what to do.

Angela Scott [00:08:02]:
It kind of felt weird. I cooked a lot for like 20 people and it was only 4 of us. But what happened was I started, I said, okay, now we have a new normal. What new traditions can we do? I think for me, my, my situation was different too, because my kids, when you're going through something like that and you have young kids, there are benefits. And then there are also, I don't want to call it downfalls, but I can't think of another word right now, but they keep you busy. So you have basketball, soccer, school stuff, all that. But then I was an empty nester going through the divorce and separation too. So I would feel like the walls are closing in because there was nothing to take my mind off of anything.

Angela Scott [00:08:54]:
And this is where I feel like I would be remiss if I don't mention the faithfulness of God and really him helping me through that. I didn't turn to other devices to cope. But that was hard too. Because then I had to feel everything. I couldn't go drink it away, drug it away, whatever away.

Sandy Kovach  [00:09:20]:
Shop it away.

Angela Scott [00:09:21]:
Right. Right. I know.

Lanée Blaise [00:09:24]:
Because I left the shop.

Angela Scott [00:09:25]:
I had to stay, I had like probably $500 in the Amazon cart. You know, when you're really down. And then I would just be like, I don't need this. I don't need this or eat it away. Right? Either way. Anything. Sleep it away. I did have in my notes, I will say the one thing that I experienced a lot with that.

Angela Scott [00:09:47]:
And I'm saying all this because I want women to understand and the men too, because you know, that's the other side of it, that these are normal things. I used to, I couldn't wait for the nighttime to come so I could go to sleep because if I went to sleep, I couldn't think. I couldn't cry because I was sleeping. And then when I would wake up, I just wait for the night to come again. Now I don't feel like that, but I did and it's normal and grief is cyclical. So a smell I can tell like when certain things are about to, you know, I start feeling this kind of, and I realize, yeah, it's a date, it's a holiday. It's something I saw I'm healing over time, and that's okay. That's what I want people to know.

Angela Scott [00:10:42]:
You don't wake up tomorrow and you're fine. You know? That that's not true.

Lanée Blaise [00:10:48]:
You mentioned too the part about how you don't wanna just jump into these other things to occupy your time. And this could be for women who maybe don't have any children at all or, like you said, women who their children have have gone on and left the nest, but there is a loneliness that can set in. And I know that you probably also pair this whole concept with making sure that you don't just run and jump into the arms of another man who might have some of the same tendencies that or some of the same problems and issues that you found yourself dealing with in the previous relationship. Tell us a little bit about that because I know that you talk with the women of RISE about that as well.

Angela Scott [00:11:34]:
Absolutely. One of the biggest things, because just as you said, loneliness, and I never experienced that type of loneliness before, because I was always, I was married. I think I was 26 or something like that. But before that you're at home and you go to college, I'm on the dorms. I live with my friends in an apartment, all of these things. So that loneliness that I experienced was something that really caught me off guard. I didn't expect that looking back now, I can see that in a sense, it didn't feel like it, but it was good because I was so dependent on other people that I didn't really like to be alone. I didn't like my own company.

Angela Scott [00:12:26]:
It was too quiet. It's too peaceful, you know, depending on the situation that you might be in, I will say this because the home situation at some points was very volatile. One of the things when everything was over, I had a hard time with peace. It sounds strange, but I was for so many years used to up and down all kinds of stuff going on that when it was the way it was supposed to be, which is peaceful and quiet and calm and relaxing, it was kind of difficult for me to handle that. And I say that because it goes kind of into finding someone new. If you don't do the work, you bring that into, so say I'm ready now, you know, for anybody.

Lanée Blaise [00:13:25]:
Hey. When you can see Angela right now, everybody's on the holidays. She's ready to let go of the chaos.

Angela Scott [00:13:32]:
Alright. Exactly. I I done been healed. I've been everything you could think of, But I digress. Let me go back. But what if I had met a nice person that time? Nice is relative. Right? But I'm just saying who was calm, peaceful, kind honoring all of the things, but I had not did that in a work and what I was used to and not baggage I had, I would dump that on that person. That's one aspect, not understanding this person is not that person and they don't deserve that and they deserve a better version of me.

Angela Scott [00:14:12]:
But the other side of it is we've talked about this, Lynette familiar spirits. If you don't do the work and it's a lot of work and take those coping mechanisms away and go through the pain and the grief with assistance, if you need that, you will just choose the same person in a different body with a different face, but it's going to be the same person because it's a familiar spirit. I'm familiar with chaos, not peace. So I choose somebody I don't want to, but that's what I choose. I draw, I'm drawn to the thing that I don't need. The thing that's detrimental to me because I haven't done the work. And I think a lot of people we can kind of think back, why did I keep dating the same person? This keeps happening every time. Really.

Angela Scott [00:15:14]:
It's not them. It's kind of hard, but it's the truth. It's us because we are drawn to something that's not good for us. And then we have to kind of look at that. So I feel that that is one of the most important things and not to rush to get into something because you feel lonely. Yeah. I know what it is because I will look and say, Lord, I'm tired of sleeping with my dogs. I mean, I'm just being real.

Angela Scott [00:15:47]:
Like, you know what I'm saying? What is this my life? Because I used to feel like and I I had a lot of regret because I would feel like 23 years, my, you know, in my twenties, that was like my prime, my thirties. That was my prime, my forties. That was my prime right now. I'm going to be almost 50. And, I used to feel like I'm old now. I was going to want

Sandy Kovach  [00:16:18]:
to talk

Angela Scott [00:16:18]:
to me, you know, but I say that because I know people, they, they feel like that. They feel like that was the time when I should have made better decisions and things of that nature, but God can redeem that

Sandy Kovach  [00:16:35]:
as long as you have breath. Yeah,

Angela Scott [00:16:38]:
exactly. And it is not true, but that was how I would feel. I would cry a lot about that. That's why it's important to have the community because there's other ladies that are stepping into the situation and and now I can meet them and say you're a winner. Like, they're trust me. You're not washed up. You're not you know, all of these crazy stuff that really the devil, he puts that in your head.

Lanée Blaise [00:17:08]:
And our society sometimes puts it in our head too because that's, the other component of a group like RISE, I would imagine, is what if you have a lovely 75 year old lady in the group who is like, well, I have enjoyed being in this group with you ladies, but I have myself this wonderful boyfriend and we're going to, you know, run off and fall in love happily ever after. So it proves that no matter what your age is, there's still that hope. And even to the part, like you said, where you begin to enjoy your own company enough that your happiness isn't dependent upon whether or when you find somebody or not. It just changes the whole way that you wake up with yourself too, I'm sure. But, you know, along with the openness because there there does, I guess, have to be an openness to God matching you up or having you end up meeting a wonderful person that will be wonderful for you and you'll be wonderful for them. Because the other part, and I know you told me this before, Angela, was that some people say you should probably just go ahead and shut yourself off. Shut off all those desires. Just push them down.

Lanée Blaise [00:18:26]:
You know, you're old now and just give it up. You and I were talking about that before. Yeah. I'm serious, Sandy. There are some people, and part of it is because maybe because of the disappointment, because of the resentment from what happened in the past. But some of it is society, like, oh, you're just go ahead and get yourself a cat, be a cat lady. Do you have a cat?

Angela Scott [00:18:46]:
Lady. Yes.

Lanée Blaise [00:18:47]:
And you have a little, like, I just don't. I mean, I have really

Sandy Kovach  [00:18:52]:
Nothing against cats, by the way.

Lanée Blaise [00:18:54]:
Okay. I love cats. Me too. And and and nothing against people who yeah. Cat ladies. But then they'll be like, that's it. That's all you need to focus on. And I just don't know that that is, what we want to push out and As much.

Lanée Blaise [00:19:08]:
As a message either.

Angela Scott [00:19:10]:
Yeah.

Lanée Blaise [00:19:10]:
See, I wish you could see Sandy's face right now too. Sometimes

Angela Scott [00:19:15]:
I think just like you said, you know, past hurts, past disappointments. Right? You've gone through something and maybe you thought, you know, this was gonna be the person and they broke your heart. So you've shut off and you give that advice really because of your own hurts. I think it's 2 things. This is the main thing that I feel like God has taught me. He never promised anybody that they were gonna get married. It's just like having a baby. There are some people that's their heart's desire.

Angela Scott [00:19:53]:
They want to have a baby and they are, you know, they're in God, they're reading their word, they're serving, they're doing all of the things, you know, they want to be Christ like all of that. And that desire has not been fulfilled for them. And it doesn't mean that God doesn't care about what they want or doesn't, but there's always a greater purpose. And that is the thing that I think he has been teaching me is like, I don't have to give you a boaz, which, you know, I would like 1, but I don't have to. I don't have to do that. But what I want you to do is I want you to use what you're going through and your character building and all of the gifts that I've given you and all of the information and knowledge that you have about this journey for a greater purpose, which is to minister to women who are in this situation, because you can meet them in a place that someone who isn't or didn't go through that cannot. It's not that they can't give advice. It's just like, if you have children, let's say teenagers and someone who doesn't have children, they can give you advice, but it's going to be very different than someone who has gone through certain things, who knows what it is when they start rolling their eyes.

Angela Scott [00:21:22]:
And like we say, smelling their self And you're like, you don't even have a job. Like I pay your cell phone bill. So it's different when they come and say, you know, I went through that and this is what I did. And so I feel like I'm understanding now, and it doesn't mean that it's not easy because yes, I still feel lonely and all of the things it's a little less. I have more things to fill up my time. And I'm understanding now that the purpose is greater than me finding somebody or God sending some, the purpose is what I'm walking in now. The purpose is doing this show with y'all that somebody can hear. Oh, you know what? I feel like that too.

Angela Scott [00:22:15]:
Like, I feel so sad. I can't wait for the night either. I'm so lonely. I keep choosing the same people. You know what I'm saying? Like it's for a global thing. That's the part that maybe people who say stuff are, maybe they're kind of trying to say that, that it's not just all about what you want, but they're just kinda maybe on the other side of the pendulum, like all the way over, you know. Right. Just give up.

Angela Scott [00:22:51]:
Yeah. And then all of that to say, God still knows the desires that I have and the other ladies that are listening have. Yeah. He knows what's best, but we have to wait.

Sandy Kovach  [00:23:04]:
Yeah. And I think that's part of trusting God that can be for whether we're waiting to meet someone, whether we're waiting to have kids, grandkids, whether we're waiting for a job, all of the trials. Yeah. God does know the desires of our heart. And I can remember when I was divorced, and, the scripture that always came to my heart, because for the longest time, I didn't meet anyone either, which is good because my son was young and I really wasn't ready to get into any kind of a relationship. But like you said, I was still lonely. But Matthew 633, seek first the kingdom of God, is always a scripture I got back. And I feel like that's what you're doing.

Sandy Kovach  [00:23:45]:
You're helping other people do it. And if you can embrace where you are in whatever trial you're in, and I know that sounds easier said than done, and we all know that. And like you said, you still get lonely. You're still tired of sleeping with your doggos, even though I'm sure your dogs are amazing. But to hang on, God is going to either use you in this time, and you're gonna get fulfillment out of that. Eventually, you're gonna meet somebody. I mean, there's no guarantee. But to just trust God in the moment and trust God with your future, which is kinda life in general.

Angela Scott [00:24:18]:
That is so good. Trust God with your future. So Jeremiah 2911, we know his plans for us are good. That's such a word, Sandy. We could trust him with our future. He knows the beginning from the end. So he knows all the pieces that need to fit together. If I give this to her now, he's thinking generationally.

Angela Scott [00:24:42]:
We're thinking tomorrow, You know, I wanted to mention something. I had this in my notes. I wanted to make sure that I mentioned this, but these were 6 revelations that I got through this journey. Number 1 was fear of the unknown causes paralysis. So I was so worried. What am I going to do? How am I going to pay for stuff? What am I, you know, the kids are going to college, all of this stuff, but God was like, just what you said, Matthew 633, trust me, live righteously, follow my commands. That's your job. The outcome is my job.

Angela Scott [00:25:26]:
I will take care of you. I will provide for you. And scripture that really helped me with that as far as the provision part was, I've never seen the righteous forsaken or his seed begging bread. I mean, I would have to recite that over and over, especially dealing with all that college stuff. Yeah. But he has really been faithful and he has covered me. The other one was shame is from the enemy. If we feel shame, it's not from God.

Angela Scott [00:25:57]:
It's from the enemy because shame would stop me from speaking about this and possibly somebody being helped or possibly somebody saying, you know what? God hates divorce, but he doesn't hate me. He still loves me. He loves me. That's an that's an act. Right? And his word does say that, but there's other places in the Bible that talks about reasons that you can get divorced. So we wouldn't get into all of that. But my main thing is he hates the act, not you. And that was what I had to understand for myself.

Angela Scott [00:26:39]:
I'm still Angela. Right? That's the other one. Because the identity, the roles, we talked about this, even how I would like introduce myself. I would be like, okay, be thinking too much. Well, I have 3 kids, so I need to say that I was married because then people are gonna think, well, I just have 3 kids and I did, you know, like all this stuff. I'm thinking all the yes. Totally. Just totally overthinking instead of just because my identity was I'm a mother.

Angela Scott [00:27:10]:
I'm a wife. I'm still a mom. That the I'm not a wife anymore, but I'm still Angela. You know, like I still have my own identity, and then release the expectation of how I thought my life would be.

Lanée Blaise [00:27:26]:
Yeah. That's a big one. That's

Angela Scott [00:27:28]:
a big one. And it was very difficult. And some days that still creeps in because, you know, you think, well, we're gonna do the whole camping thing. The kids are grown now. We're gonna do all this traveling and all, you know, all of the things. And I didn't think it would be this way, but God is using it. I wanted to make sure I mentioned those because I feel like a lot of people sometimes feel really stuck, especially in fear because your life does change.

Sandy Kovach  [00:28:02]:
And like you said, sometimes even you say you're healed, Angela, and and you look very healed and you look beautiful and you're helping other people, but things happen. Even today, now my son is 25 years old and I'm remarried. But don't you know that every now and again, I'll see a happy little family, and I'll say, you know what? If I hadn't gotten divorced in such and such a time, I'd have, multiple kids, and I'd be in this, quote, unquote, normal family. Can we just stop with the normal? Like, we have to fit into this certain mold? Do you feel like that?

Angela Scott [00:28:42]:
Yeah. Absolutely. It's getting better now, but you have to really be careful too with social media because a lot of times things are posted and it's the wonderful parts. Right? It's not the other parts. But what would happen to me at first, like, I would see, like, a picture of like a family or like a husband and wife. And like, I'm crying for 3 days in my bed because I'm just thinking of I hadn't released the expectation. Marriage is wonderful. It is a wonderful thing.

Angela Scott [00:29:18]:
It's a covenant. It's biblical. It's great. But singleness is wonderful too. Yeah. Singleness is not like, oh, poor you. No, actually in the Bible, it talks about the beauty of singleness and that when you're single, you can do more of God's work because you don't have like all these compete and things. You don't have to take care of your wife.

Angela Scott [00:29:44]:
You don't have to take care of your husband. So you can actually do his work more than someone else. You don't have distractions. There's a lot of beauty in singleness, but we don't look at it that way. We kind of look at, we put marriage on a pedestal, you know, and I understand that from a different way because I was married. And then I see how I used to do it. You don't realize until like sometimes I was telling Linae everybody I was doing something and everyone was introducing themselves and they were, you know, and I've been married and he did that and I'm married and

Lanée Blaise [00:30:25]:
dah dah dah dah. I'm married.

Angela Scott [00:30:27]:
I'm like, you know, inside. And then it was my turn and I was like, okay, I can feel shame or I can just tell my story. You know what I mean? And then what was the crazy thing when I was just recently divorced? I didn't get into all of it. Then maybe about 4 other ladies were like, well, this is my second marriage and the freedom. Yes. Yeah. So just share.

Lanée Blaise [00:30:59]:
Everybody, yeah, opened up in a way that they felt like this is a safe place.

Angela Scott [00:31:05]:
Yes.

Lanée Blaise [00:31:05]:
This is a judge free zone. You know, this is where somebody else gets this gets me, an an understanding.

Angela Scott [00:31:15]:
Yeah. But I could have let the shame I could have not mentioned it. Right? I because I didn't have to, but it was important that I did because then they felt safe to say it just changed the whole atmosphere.

Lanée Blaise [00:31:30]:
Really.

Angela Scott [00:31:31]:
That's what I think God is doing through that and through RISE. I actually I wanted to mention the lady that I love her so much because she is just as passionate about women as I am. And so it's wonderful when God gives you a purpose partner. So she also assists me with RISE. We really do it together because I was praying and I was asking him, you know, sometimes you you need another person to work with. You can't do everything yourself. You bounce ideas off of each other. You Yeah.

Angela Scott [00:32:07]:
Yeah. Where one may have a little weakness, the other one is stronger in certain areas. So her name is Tawana Taylor, and I wanted to give her a shout out. She has been a real encouragement and she's much more techie than me. That that is not a strength I have. The strength is my mouth, but and all that. She's she's strong with her communication too, but she just can do a lot of that background stuff. And I realized that God put us together to take the ministry higher than I could do it on my own.

Angela Scott [00:32:37]:
I wanted to also just say what RISE stands for. Yes, please. Yeah. So the R is releasing expectations. The I is investing in yourself. Cause you know, we don't always do that. And it's not about just getting your nails done and stuff. Investing in you, you know, so you can be better.

Angela Scott [00:33:05]:
And then the s is sharing your story. And then the e, which kinda can be the most difficult to me is embracing your season.

Sandy Kovach  [00:33:16]:
You're in the season that you're in, like, kinda like we were talking about. Right. And we will link up to all of that information in the show notes and on our website at imagine yourself podcast.com. One more thing I did kinda wanna touch on, and Lanae might have, another thing too, and you as well. The guilt that we feel as parents from being divorced. I was talking to I was getting my nails done as you That's my last thing you said. I was investing in myself, getting my nails done. And my Rita is just my nail tech, and she's amazing.

Sandy Kovach  [00:33:48]:
I've been going to her for years. She and I are both divorced, and, she isn't remarried, but she is in a relationship. But we were we both have grown children, and we both still say we feel guilty even though we got divorced at different times in our kids' life. Divorce isn't a good thing. We're not here celebrating it, but sometimes it happens.

Angela Scott [00:34:09]:
Exactly. That's such a great point that you brought up because I experienced that and I still do. I experienced and now I feel the healing has helped with a lot of areas, but still there are things that I would say, well, if I had a husband or if their father was involved, this would be easier. They wouldn't have to go through this. Or if I had made a different decision or if I had decided earlier or not at all, this wouldn't be happening or that wouldn't be happening. And a lot of it, I would say sometimes there's guilt with financial parts, to be honest. I mean, it was just a few days ago. I'm washing the dishes like crying and I'm just like, Lord, I overwhelmed.

Angela Scott [00:35:02]:
You know what I mean? With the responsibility that I had and then the guilt comes in. Well, you see if I had, you know, and all this coulda, woulda, shoulda. Right. And it starts to bring me down. But I realized that the guilt, again, just like shame is not from God. It's designed to distract me from all the good things that are happening from every blessing that God has given. It's designed to distract me and put me back into regret and wishing I had did so I can't change it. I can't change it.

Angela Scott [00:35:45]:
I can only go forward. But I think that that is one of the, one of the major things that a lot of people don't necessarily want to talk about is guilt that they feel because they got the divorce from the ramifications that came about from it. Yeah. So thank you for bringing that up because it's very important. And like you said, it stays with us because you're remarried and your son is in his twenties and sometimes you still think back, you know, but the Bible tells us that take our thoughts captive. So when I feel like that, I sometimes I try to do it more often. I'm getting better. I take the thought captive And then I remind myself that I did now that I know better, I can do better.

Angela Scott [00:36:41]:
Like for real. If you go back, you would do things different, but you didn't know what you know now.

Lanée Blaise [00:36:48]:
Right. Yeah.

Angela Scott [00:36:49]:
You did not know what you know now. Now you would make a different decision. So how do we beat ourselves up about I'll tell you something that I often feel guilty about was when my kids were much younger. Now I have a more intimate relationship with God and really walk in with him. But when they were younger, much younger, I did not have that relationship. And I would hear people before their kids go to school. They anoint them and they're praying and they're in their room praying for them and reading the Bibles and they doing the family devotion. And, and I would feel bad.

Angela Scott [00:37:28]:
You know? I would feel guilty. I would feel like, man, I coulda got them on a better start spiritually. I'm not talking about material and things of that, but a better start spiritually. But then god said to me, how could you do that with them? And you weren't even doing it for yourself.

Lanée Blaise [00:37:47]:
Yeah. Because you didn't know yet. You didn't.

Angela Scott [00:37:51]:
Exactly. So how can I beat myself up about something I did not know? The other side is we do have consequences for our actions. We do. But God is so merciful. He still blesses us even when we even when we did. I didn't pray one bit about my marriage. Not one. I made the decision.

Angela Scott [00:38:18]:
He loves me. I love him. And then get married. Right. But praying to God now. I know I didn't involve you in the beginning, but can you, fix, can you, can you handle this? So I say that to say that's real and there are consequences for not doing things the way that is set out. But as I become more intimate with him, with God, I realize there's a reason for that. So that a lot of the things I experience is not that I wouldn't have no trouble at all, but it would have been different.

Angela Scott [00:38:59]:
But he still delivered me. Yeah. He still did. He didn't say that's on you. Right? Like we say

Lanée Blaise [00:39:11]:
Humans would do that. I've done that with my kids. Well, you didn't wanna tell me that you had this big situation coming up. So now that you've gotten yourself into it, you're on your own.

Angela Scott [00:39:19]:
Now, but he doesn't say more gracious. He doesn't do that to us.

Sandy Kovach  [00:39:24]:
And God said to Abraham, that's on you.

Angela Scott [00:39:28]:
Yeah. You're right. You and Sarah. Y'all went and did this.

Lanée Blaise [00:39:32]:
Yep. So now fix it yourself.

Angela Scott [00:39:35]:
Oh, Sandy. And he still turned around. Hallelujah. And gave him Isaac. He still did.

Lanée Blaise [00:39:43]:
Yeah.

Angela Scott [00:39:44]:
Even after what they did. Got ahead of him, did their own thing. Yeah. He still turned around and bless him. And there are stories over and over about that. So if he did that, then why do we think he would not do that now for us?

Lanée Blaise [00:40:03]:
We just need to be reminded. We need to remind one another of the way God works like that. Yeah. In the past and currently. Mhmm. Oh, well, now my mind is reeling. There's Sandy and I are gonna have a whole another episode after this one comes out that we get to dig into a little bit more of this too, especially there's a lot I'd like to say eventually about the children part because I was a child of divorce and divorce was just very prevalent in my family growing up. My grandparents were well, well, one set of my grandparents were divorced, my parents were divorced, my step parents had been divorced before they even married.

Lanée Blaise [00:40:38]:
My parents, there's a lot of divorce going on. And so I have a lot of experience being the child of divorce, and there's a lot of insights too that that I'd like to share and touch on as far as how wise children really are, how important it is to talk to them at an age appropriate level of what really is going on, of still keeping, you know, a positive component of no matter what's going on, we're so grateful that you were born. Like, if I'd never met your dad and we'd never gotten married and never had you, that that would have been a loss. So it was worth it even just to have you and even the part with you know, sometimes the kids know that it needs to be over too. Like I said, Sandy and I might talk about that on a different because this episode is just already juicy. But, there's a lot of a lot of components with that too. And just the honesty that that is very helpful, like I said, in an age appropriate level with the kids involved too.

Angela Scott [00:41:40]:
That's so good. What you just said, you know, especially what really resonated with me every single thing, but where you say, even though there was struggle and that there was a lot of bad things, you know, in my marriage, the most beautiful thing. And the thing to remember is both of my girls. Right? Regardless of what ever I have my girls, you know, and God, even though I made the decision outside of him, still blessed me with those girls.

Lanée Blaise [00:42:21]:
Yeah.

Angela Scott [00:42:21]:
And just like you said to the kids, no. My youngest one, one day, she was like, I'm proud of you because I thought you never were gonna leave, but you did. And I'm really proud of you. They're looking.

Lanée Blaise [00:42:38]:
They're watching.

Angela Scott [00:42:39]:
Yeah. What we do, are we just speaking or taking an action? So that would be the thing that would encourage me with them is they saw their mom take action. And so if they get in a situation, I pray they don't, but if they get in a situation, they have a role model to to pull from.

Sandy Kovach  [00:43:03]:
And me too. You know, I my son. I have my son, and, he was very young when we divorced. We did that on purpose because it just we figured if he grew up not knowing any different and, yeah, people happen to make different decisions. And I think, his dad would say the same thing. It's having him has been such a blessing, and God did bless us with that. Linae, is there I mean

Lanée Blaise [00:43:27]:
oh oh, golly. We're gonna, yeah, we're gonna wrap this up. So real quick, I do have one thing I wanna say as, like, a takeaway at the end. But before that, I do just wanna ask anyone who is interested in receiving life coaching from Angela or purchasing her book yearning or any of the different activities, what's the best way for a person to find you, find your book, reach out to you?

Angela Scott [00:43:54]:
Thank you so much for that. The best way would probably be Instagram because I have a link tree and it did just takes you to everything. So at Angela's Agape Love, that's my Instagram handle. I have a business one, which I should mention, Agape Love Endeavors at Agape Love Endeavors. Also, I have Agape Love Endeavors dot com. That's my website and you'll find out all about me, the life coaching, speaking, the book.

Lanée Blaise [00:44:27]:
Oh yes. The book.

Angela Scott [00:44:29]:
Yeah. And this is actually to the first time that I'm really mentioning RISE outside of like invitations to people. So I'm excited about that too, because I believe that God is gonna grow the ministry. So I'm gonna actually, I will put, I will add a link to my, information so that people can register for RISE because we do it via Zoom. But I wanna just there's a little screening process because it's very sensitive. Right? And I just don't kinda want anybody just coming on. I would like to kinda know a little bit. It's a very short questionnaire, but just a little bit about them, and then they get a link.

Angela Scott [00:45:14]:
So

Sandy Kovach  [00:45:14]:
Lovely. And we will put these links on our website, imagine yourself podcast.com and in the show notes as well. And, Angela, just even following her on Instagram is very encouraging. Even if maybe, you know, you don't need the coaching this moment or even just getting her book, yearning, which is a blessing.

Lanée Blaise [00:45:35]:
Absolutely. Oh, we love so and also too now, we can't forget. You have been on Imagine Yourself podcast before on other episodes. And so anyone please look back because every time she does a drop the mic episode, it is just so helpful and so powerful. We just thank you for letting God speak through you and work through you and encourage because the last little thing too that I wanna say, and then I'll I'll let Sandy or Angela say their last bit, is there's a component of making sure that anyone listening let's say you're listening and you're not divorced or separated, and you wanna make sure that you know how to properly come alongside your fellow sisters. Is there a little word of advice that either one of you would want to just make known for anybody to make sure that we're mindful?

Angela Scott [00:46:32]:
I would say that's really good because sometimes we aren't because we're not in that situation, right? And we don't know what to say. I would say this, the ministry of presence is the most important. You don't have to say a word. It could just be like, hey, I was just thinking of you and maybe you a meal. Or you can call or you can text a lot of times what people just need to know is somebody's thinking of them. Cause remember everything's changed and they're alone. And the enemy will say, no one cares about you. No one cares about you.

Angela Scott [00:47:13]:
They're just look at their picture. They're in the Bahamas having a good time and you're crying with your dogs. No one cares about you, but it's a lie. It's a lie, but we believe it. Right? And so sometimes I think I said this the last time that we were together, that we have to reach out to people because we think, well, she'll call me. Well, she didn't text me. She didn't tell me. Well, they're not, they're not gonna do that.

Angela Scott [00:47:44]:
You may not know the words to say. You don't know that maybe she's grieving or whatever it is, but you can just be there. Just your presence. Like, hey, let's go to a movie or actually, let me take you out to lunch. And we don't have to talk about what's going on because that's another thing, bringing it up. We're trying hard unless the person brings it up. Right. Unless they do follow their lead.

Angela Scott [00:48:13]:
Yeah. Right. But just, Hey, let's go for a hike or you just come over, bring some popcorn and watch a movie or some YouTube at the house with the person. Simple things. Yeah. Simple stuff just to let them know. I know you're going through a hard time, and I I wanna be here for you any way that I can.

Sandy Kovach  [00:48:35]:
I would agree with what Angela said as far as coming alongside. That's all great advice. I'll just say one thing, and this is not necessarily for someone's friends or family as much as it is for maybe the church in general. Don't be a judgy mcjudger. I mean, you don't know what happened.

Angela Scott [00:48:55]:
Yeah.

Sandy Kovach  [00:48:55]:
You know, very few people like that now. And maybe, like Angela said, things have changed somewhat, but there is still that segment. The church is so important when you're going through something like that. And if you're feeling that you're being looked at, you know, with a side eye by some people at church, then that's not gonna help your relationship with God. Because, unfortunately, sometimes we equate the people in the church with, oh, maybe God is mad at me. And

Angela Scott [00:49:24]:
I love that. And that's excellent. And it's true. And I think if we remember the last thing that you said, that in the church, our behavior towards someone many times that person will think that God that's a reflection of how God feels about me. I think if we think about that, it will really make us kind of change our perspective and treat people a little bit differently because God loves us. There are consequences, but he loves us regardless because we are his children. So it's just like having your own kids. If they do something that you quote unquote don't like, you don't not love them anymore.

Angela Scott [00:50:07]:
You still love them. There may be consequence, but you still love them. And you know, the church is a place for the sick and the hurting and the lonely and the sad and it can be for different reasons. And so we want to just understand that we want to meet people where they are. That person has a relationship with God and God is going to judge whatever that's between them. Our job is to meet them where they are and show them love.

Sandy Kovach  [00:50:43]:
And that's across the board for whatever, not just divorced people, but,

Angela Scott [00:50:48]:
absolutely. Yep. Absolutely. Gay people, straight people, people on drugs, people doing pornography, people, all of it. Our job is to love. God will give you the opportunity if he wants to use you to speak into them in a certain way, but it won't be through judgment. Because a lot of times we wanna tell people stuff and we don't have a relationship with them. You shouldn't do this and you done that and you're wrong.

Angela Scott [00:51:20]:
And, but you don't even have a relationship with the person to where they can even hear you. You get a relationship, you love them and you speak to them in a different way. And I think that that's what God wants us to do. I know we we go to church. We could be at church all day.

Lanée Blaise [00:51:41]:
Yeah. We hear we hear we sure because, no, this has just been a again, a very sensitive but relevant thing to talk about. I know when you, wrote the email to me, you wanted to make sure that anyone listening knew that your own journey, Angela, through divorce ignited this passion in you to encourage women who were experiencing the same thing, let them know they're not alone, that God will be everything they need when they put their trust in God. And I wanna end on a scripture in Isaiah that I only heard about in a Bible study with a woman who had gone through a heartbreaking divorce and she said she held on to this is portions of Isaiah 5445, Do not be afraid. You will not be put to shame. Do not fear disgrace. You will not be humiliated. For your maker is your husband.

Lanée Blaise [00:52:42]:
The Lord Almighty is his name. The Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer. He is called the God of all the earth. And that's just so comforting. No matter who we are, the Lord God will call you back. I just want to say thank you to everyone who listened and just imagine yourself truly enveloped by the love of God and the love of other women who, like us, who wanna come alongside you no matter what season you're going through.

Sandy Kovach  [00:53:18]:
Thanks for spending some time with us. Love to hear your impressions of what we talked about today. Drop us a line. Drop Angela a line. We have, all of the links in the show now. Hit us up on social media or via email or leave us a rating or review where there's even a place to text us in the app.