When Life Isn’t Working Out the Way You Planned

If someone asked you a decade ago, “where do you see yourself in ten years?”, how close to reality did that turn out to be?  If you’re like a lot of us, despite your best intentions, it looks very different.

Life doesn't always go as planned, but that doesn't mean it's a bad thing. In fact,  the unexpected can lead us to incredible blessings.  Not everything that doesn't work out is a failure. Sometimes, those closed doors help us to pivot to something much better. In this episode we look at tapping into the joy we do have, but we also discuss how to better tolerate or even embrace adversity. It’s in the tough times that strength is forged.

Could you use a change in perspective? Click play and let’s see if we can really let go and let God.
 

RELATED:  Five Steps to Stop Overthinking

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Imagine Yourself is hosted by Lanée Blaise and Sandy Kovach. Lanée is a TV writer and producer, motivational speaker and podcaster. Sandy is a radio personality, voiceover artist and podcaster. They come to you from the Detroit Metro area and invite guests from all over the world to help encourage you in your health, career, faith journey and more!

Transcript

Sandy Kovach  [00:00:03]:

Life has a funny way of not going the way we planned. Even those of us who are great at goal setting could find ourselves off in a completely different direction. But that direction isn't always bad, especially we can let go and let God. We'll be the 1st to tell you it's a lot of times easier said than done. But when we focus on on what brings us joy, we grow through tough times, expect the unexpected, and maybe wait well while we work for what we there are definitely many ways to deal with things that, well, don't seem to be working out or going as planned. So we've got stories of successes and failures in that department and some tips to help. Welcome to Imagine Yourself podcast where we help you imagine next chapter of life with grace, gratitude, courage, and faith.

Lanée Blaise [00:00:53]:

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening to everyone listening to Imagine Yourself. I'm Lanee with Sandy. And today, we are taking a look at life from the perspective that god is in control And that whatever is meant for us is meant for us. Now when I say that, most people think of only good things. And many times, I do wanna make sure that people realize that you are able to grasp the good things that God has for you. You're not gonna miss out on your opportunities. But sometimes there's some if you look back on it, they were very well placed things that we did not enjoy at the time that happened to us, And we are able to maneuver through that also. This episode is kinda based on A quote from the actress Kerry Washington.

Lanée Blaise [00:01:46]:

I heard her in a video saying this quote, and it really Hit me in the chest. I'll get to the quote after, but just to set it up. If you were to see the most beautiful, fantastic, Fulfilling bus rolling down the street, and you were running and just running and running and running to catch it, but you missed that bus. Kerry Washington says to realize you have to say it wasn't meant to be my bus. You have to trust That another bus is coming that is meant for you. And so I just urge everyone, please trust that whatever good that God has meant for you, You will receive it no matter what you do or don't do correctly, perfectly. Imperfection is part of life. God is in control, and what's meant for you will be place for you.

Lanée Blaise [00:02:42]:

And right now, I am more still talking about the good things in life. That job that you didn't get, that Ability to have a child that didn't work out, that man that you thought was everything And and a bag of chips who still didn't want to be your man. Just continue to wait and See what God has around the corner. Continue to work on yourself in ways to enjoy your life your way, And some of these other things will come. You may end up adopting a child who wanted to be and needed to be adopted by you. You may end up with an even more suitable, wonderful person to be in your life, in a relationship, may end up either keeping the job you have And excelling in it or getting some other job that was meant to be. Sandy, there's so many people out here who think that they're missing The good things, and it's a matter of patience and timing

Sandy Kovach  [00:03:39]:

Yeah. Especially when you see it all the time. It used to be back in the day, we would, you know, maybe hear from friends or family or acquaintances about different things happening for their in their lives, whether they're getting married, or they found a great job or they went on this amazing vacation, and now it is we're scrolling every day on our social media feeds, and we're seeing examples of of things that well, we think we should have caught that bus. Right? But it wasn't our bus to catch, to go back to the Kerry Washington quote. To really talk yourself down from that is to say, yeah. Here comes another bus or another bus will be by, and, you know, 1 door closes, another door opens. It's in kind of a cliche by now, but, actually, in most cases, it's true.

Sandy Kovach  [00:04:23]:

I mean, then there's the other one that, you can also push the door open, but sometimes doors are not meant to be pushed. I guess you just need to know whether to wait for your the next door or to kick it in.

Lanée Blaise [00:04:34]:

Yeah. That's the that's the problem. A lot of these things are cliches, but they are tried and true. And the problem is we don't believe them anymore. If we don't believe that where one door is closed, there's either another door or a window open, then we sit in that in between time frustrated when we really didn't have to be. And I I don't think God meant for us to be. I believe that God wants us to know that God has us covered. And you say, oh, well, today I mean, but the thing I wanted did not work out, or something bad happened even though I did all the right Thanks.

Lanée Blaise [00:05:15]:

So what is God doing? And that's that part where, you know, we had an episode just recently about overthinking. We can overthink it, but sometimes we aren't gonna know. Sometimes we are just asked to trust God anyway. Some things we are not going to find out the answers to on this side of heaven. True. And, Sandy, my daughter, has this running list. She just has a running list of questions that she wants to ask God when she gets to heaven.

Sandy Kovach  [00:05:42]:

Is she so I hope the hit list is in her head because she probably can't pull out her phone.

Lanée Blaise [00:05:47]:

She can't pull out her phone

Sandy Kovach  [00:05:51]:

Wait. It's in the cloud.

Lanée Blaise [00:05:54]:

It'll be right there, Accessible. So many questions. I mean, these questions are back from, you know, early Justin Bieber days. Why did he do this or that?

Sandy Kovach  [00:06:07]:

Why did Justin Bieber cut his hair.

Lanée Blaise [00:06:09]:

Exactly. And perfect hair. You know? It's just The reason I mentioned this is because she has decided to intentionally have her own way of letting go of some of this stuff By saying, I know that I can't figure this out. I know that I'm not gonna know this while I'm here alive. So I'm gonna just put it on this list and really let it go and then ask God later. And it's I feel like it's a healthy way to go about doing it. The other thing to think of when we're talking about what's meant to be, whether they're good things, bad things, things we wanted, things we didn't want, How tied to specific outcomes happening are you? Are you, like, totally invested in a specific outcome happening and you're just gonna lose it if that doesn't happen? Or are you more flexible with the way that you're gonna allow God to introduce something into your world? You ever thought about anything like that, Sandy? Is that a weird?

Sandy Kovach  [00:07:15]:

Not at all. I I think I posted a quote yesterday, something about it's okay to focus on the finish line, but don't forget to appreciate the journey. Yeah. That's, like, almost exactly what you were saying is instead of focusing on the finish line exclusively. Let's enjoy what we learn along the way. And I know there are a lot of little quote cliches that are kinda don't forget about the journey in life and all that, but sometimes cliches are

Lanée Blaise [00:07:42]:

They rock. Sometimes cliches are pure wisdom. We need to bring them back and do, like, hashtag cliches, just don't think of it in a negative way. And as long as you are fully supporting the person and trying to give Love and support to the person underneath it all as opposed to just, I'm gonna give them an answer and send them on their way. Don't do that. But really try to believe some of that wisdom. Sandy, at the end of the day, life And the way God works, it's not gonna be a straightforward, Linear, easy, normal, logical, by our means, way. Some it's gonna be all the way around.

Lanée Blaise [00:08:30]:

You know, like, even even the Bible with Moses and they were trying to get to the promised land. They went all way around for 40 years. It was not straightforward. It was not easy, but they did have to learn things in the journey, and those things have far reaching effects To this day. Mhmm. We might not be able to see that there's higher ways, but but God has higher ways. Because I okay. If you have a view from way back where you get to see the entire scene.

Lanée Blaise [00:08:59]:

You get to see the mountains and the water and everything from way back, Or you have a view up close where you see the little details, every single piece of speck of dirt that's on the mountain or on the rock. You could say which is better, but please understand that god has both full perspective, can see far away in the future, Mixed with the past, mixed with the present, up close, all the things. And there's a plan. Sometimes these things Maybe even have little to do with us. It is to bless and benefit someone else. It's really just a way of thinking. It's a way of, like, Managing your expectations. I know people say that in the business world.

Lanée Blaise [00:09:44]:

You gotta manage your customer's expectations, but We need to manage the expectations of our plans, of our lives. We can be hopeful. We can push forward. We can have plans, but we also Want to balance that whole aspect of what is meant for us is going to come to us, and there may be some Stumbling blocks in the middle that we will have to climb over or go through or push through, but that's what we Have in life. I I was gonna say that's we signed up for. I don't know if we signed up for life.

Sandy Kovach  [00:10:18]:

But Can I have, an extra mile to climb, please?

Lanée Blaise [00:10:22]:

Yeah. That

Sandy Kovach  [00:10:22]:

The thing is we would not sign up for some of the things we go through, and yet we look back and go, oh my goodness. I'm so glad I went through that because if I hadn't, I wouldn't have learned this or I couldn't have been in a place to help somebody else. And I remember I read a book a while back called, Max Lucado wrote, "it's not about me", And it's just it was I don't know. It's probably, like, 10 or 15 years old, but it's really good. And it's to the point that you said, sometimes it's not about us. Sometimes it's about blessing someone else.

Sandy Kovach  [00:10:52]:

Sometimes it's about the the glory of God. Sometimes we won't and like you said, we won't know it till we get to the other side. And also, you know, when you think about our standing, and you think about god's understanding, it's like comparing my dog, Max. He has a sore paw, and he always tries to walk on it and poor Max. I mean, some dogs might have the sense to not keep putting weight on it, but Max doesn't have that. or even like an ant and us.

Sandy Kovach  [00:11:21]:

Does an ant understand what we understand? that's the distance between us and God's understanding.

Lanée Blaise [00:11:26]:

Yeah. I like that. I actually love that analogy with your dog, Max, though too. There are things with timing and schedules and things that he doesn't know, like, you're about to Go out for the next few hours. So he needs to be let out and go to the bathroom or eat and do the routine right now. Doesn't understand Why she got me doing this? Because you see the big picture, and you're the one in control. And you've got to you would hope that there would be an acceptance and, okay, I'm gonna go ahead and follow along for what's best. I know that people say again and cliche, whatever will be will be, but some of that, we might have to let go, be patient, Wait our turn while we're working towards things.

Lanée Blaise [00:12:14]:

You and I did an episode a long time ago too called waiting well. And waiting well is just a beautiful term, in my opinion, on living in that in the meantime space where you're not really where you wanna be yet. You're not doing what you wanna be. Things aren't going the way you want them to go yet, but you are waiting well, and you're still doing good in that space.

Sandy Kovach  [00:12:38]:

Yeah. And accepting where you are and not thinking about the, you know, other place you could be in the "multiverse."

Lanée Blaise [00:12:45]:

Yes. Which we talked about last episode. That last episode about overthinking, I think really pairs well with this episode too because It's a situation where we need to realize we can always restart. I don't wanna put pressure on people or judgment on people when they are overthinking or when they are frustrated because of the place that they are at that particular time. But It's important to have podcasts like this that reinforce that message of We're gonna be okay. Things are you know, the bad things are temporary. Nothing lasts forever as far as these things here on Earth. It's just a sense of grounding and centering so that we don't get so frustrated with ourselves or our circumstances That we lose all the peace and goodness that was meant for us to receive.

Sandy Kovach  [00:13:40]:

Yeah. And the overthinking episode, like you said, it pairs well, And we'll put a link to that too in our show notes and, on the blog page. Because if you haven't listened to that, it's a good one. It's, tips on how to not overthink so much. And what is exactly overthinking? There was, like, a million different kinds, and some of them are just, more special than others to us.

Lanée Blaise [00:14:02]:

Yeah. Unfortunately. You might you might say, oh, you you when you listen back, you say, oh, that might be me. Before I've been there before. And, you know, in the same way with this aspect of, oh, I wish I was In that person's shoes, I really wanna try to discourage that type of thinking too. Sometimes it's you have to almost be careful what you Sometimes you don't even realize what you're thinking, that tape that's playing in your head. But, you know, anytime you start thinking that you wanna step into someone else's shoes, You don't know what all they've got going on, and you might you might be like, I think I'd rather stay where I am and and and use who I am to try to move forward as opposed to being someone else and living in their life.

Sandy Kovach  [00:14:47]:

Yeah. You're not someone else. You're you. You with your own gifts and talents and your own struggles, and your own victories, and your own relationships, and your own people that love you, and depend on you, and your own relationship with God, and as your creator made you to be very special. So, yeah, it's hard to, deal with sometimes when you're going through a lot and you see other people who seem to have it easy. It's easy to fall into that, but catch yourself when you're thinking that.

Lanée Blaise [00:15:18]:

Like, that turns you catch yourself in a good way. Like, you know, in in a very support way, catch yourself and and capture your thoughts. You know, catch yourself and capture your thoughts and and bring yourself back to the good side, the good place. I have this weird thing I was thinking of before this episode about fish.

Sandy Kovach  [00:15:37]:

Oh, I hate fish. Not eating fish. I just don't like actual fish.

Lanée Blaise [00:15:41]:

Oh, well, then this one's gonna really get you because this one's not gonna really fish. Yeah. There's there's Nemo and on all those. But If you think about fish, they're very different in the way they do things. Do you wanna be the type of fish that's like A salmon who swims upstream or who swims against the current, and it's like constantly Struggling, you know, fighting your way through. Do you wanna be a catfish who lives at the bottom of the water, who's scavenging around for Whatever's down there, do you wanna be a goldfish who lives in a little fishbowl and just tiny little space to live and people watch its every move? Do you wanna be a blowfish? It gets all swollen up and panic and you know?

Sandy Kovach  [00:16:27]:

And sings with Hootie.

Lanée Blaise [00:16:29]:

Yeah. Yeah. and famous. So Do you want to be a free, graceful swimming angel fish that lives in a tropical Freshwater basin and beautiful waters that's living its life beautiful and happy and going with the flow and the current. Think about what kind of fish you are

Sandy Kovach  [00:16:49]:

The angelfish?

Lanée Blaise [00:16:51]:

Maybe. But are you doing things in your life? Not you per se. Not you, Sandy. But are you doing things in our lives that are Actually, the behavior of those other fish and that are not serving us and not serving the ones who love us and and just and not serving God in the world. You know? It's just Yeah. Really, really buckled down with gratitude and think about how you wanna proceed in this world. Yeah. Letting go some of the overthinking, letting go some of the possible jealousy or envy, self criticism, And focusing on the good things about you.

Lanée Blaise [00:17:29]:

So overall, imagine yourself smooth, angelfish living out in the freshwater. Truly smooth living, catching yourself when things get tough, capturing your thoughts when they start to go astray, and really and truly being the best person, the person that god created you to be.

Sandy Kovach  [00:17:55]:

Hope you found this podcast helpful. And if you did, why not share it with friends and share with us what you think of the podcast. Definitely helps us shape the way we do things at Imagine Yourself and helps us to reach others as well. We'd love for you to reach out to us anytime whether it's on our website or social media. All those links are in the show notes as well as a link to the other podcast we were talking about on Overthinking. So take care, be blessed, And we'll talk to you next time we have something new to imagine.