While everyone is “decking the halls with boughs of holly”, what if this year it doesn’t feel like the season to be jolly? What if grief, depression, loneliness, or something else makes this season especially difficult? We talked to a professional to get some tips especially designed to help with these issues during the holiday season. We hope what Matt Lawson of Chicago Compass Counseling has to say will help - whether it’s something unique to this year or if the Christmas season is just triggering in general. In this bonus mini episode, we share portions on our chat last year with Matt Lawson as well as some of our own struggles.
Most of us will experience the holiday blues to one degree or another during our lifetime, for some it happens every year. There are a variety of reasons for it: being away from family, grieving the loss of a loved one or ending a relationship are some of them. For others the holidays can trigger anxiety or sadness because of something that happened in the past. Some of us feel we may crumble under the perceived pressure to make the holidays perfect for friends or family. Whatever the case, it can feel worse when everyone else seems joyful.
Take a few minutes to listen to what Matt has to say. Even if you don’t struggle with holiday blues yourself, it’s good to be aware of those who do. Let’s help them feel seen and heard. More importantly, let’s be there to support each other.
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Sandy Kovach [00:00:05]:
It may be this season to be jolly, but not for everyone. In fact, for some, the holidays can trigger feelings of loneliness, depression, or anxiety. Grief can be felt more intensely. And all of this in the midst of the joy we may feel like we're supposed to be experiencing. We talked to counselor Matt Lawson last Christmas season about ways to beat the holidays blues. Whether it's you or maybe you just want to be sensitive to those around you, we think you can benefit from this short bonus episode. On behalf of Lanee, I'm Sandy, welcoming you to imagine Yourself, where we help you imagine your next chapter of life with grace, gratitude, courage, and faith.
Lanée Blaise [00:00:48]:
I just think about grief is the hardest one and divorce is like the second hardest one because you feel the immense difference between what Christmas used to look like and was supposed to look like versus what it now will look like without that person, and that won't just be this one particular year. How do you help people move forward in that season when it's been an actual loss with grief or divorce or other yes.
Matt Lawson [00:01:20]:
So this is a process any significant change in a person's life like that, any significant loss in a person's life like that has a process that goes into allowing them to come to a place of understanding and recognition of what has happened and that loss in their life. So this idea of reinventing these times, not so much. Running away from the feelings that we have for those people, running away from the grief that we have, kind of changing how we look at it, considering how we can honor those people that we lost that meant a lot to us and meant a lot to them, and how we move forward. I mean, seriously, you would want that for the people that you love if you died or you left them, you would want them to enjoy that time. And I think it's hard to remember that with that sense of this person not being here. But it is like once we process through those feelings, once we kind of come to a place of recognition and get to understanding how we can honor them with what we're doing during this time of year.
Sandy Kovach [00:02:23]:
Maybe buying a special ornament or something like that.
Matt Lawson [00:02:27]:
Yeah, or reliving something that was special to them. Like maybe they were like big meatloaf fans. I don't know. Always making the holiday meatloaf.
Sandy Kovach [00:02:38]:
Yeah, something like that. To bring it back. Both of my parents at separate times passed away, not on Christmas, but during the holiday season. And I remember coping with one year when I was younger, when I lost my mom. Not younger as a child, but a young adult with Christmas movies. And every time I see the Santa Claus because I lost my mom I'd get sad. I don't get sad anymore about it, but I used to. But that was what I literally went to the movie by myself, I remember in 94 and sat and watched The Santa Claus. So things like that.
Sandy Kovach [00:03:12]:
I mean, we all have our different coping mechanisms.
Matt Lawson [00:03:14]:
Yes. Yeah. My grandfather used to belt out White Christmas in this deep baritone when it played on the radio. It's like an instant, like, yes, I remember that. Those are the types of things that we can embrace. Those are the types of things that we can use to help us honor those memories.
Lanée Blaise [00:03:32]:
Makes me think, too, that those are kind of like triggers. And we think of triggers usually in a bad way, but maybe, like you said, if we're trying to reframe it all, maybe we can think of these triggers in a good way. And we may cry when that song comes on or when that movie comes on. There may be tears, but it's still, like you said, such a precious way to honor their memories. And I never thought about the fact that what would I want others to see and think and feel if I were not there? I don't want them to not cry ever. Maybe they can cry the first day, especially my husband. I want him to cry a little bit, but then I want him to be happy and be joyful and to be able to know. I bet Lanee would love this.
Lanée Blaise [00:04:21]:
She would have had her little Santa hat on her little belt. I know that not everyone is there, but I personally love even saying the names of my loved ones who are no longer with us. I know with divorce, sometimes you might not really want to be saying their names so much, but you just kind of say, well, they're over there and I'm over here. I got to make the best of it. I know. I've heard that sometimes one of the ways to not feel so down is to try to focus on being of service to someone else. And that may look different ways. That may be as simple as being someone who posts on social media a special prayer or a special thought or special affirmation once a day for the holiday season.
Lanée Blaise [00:05:09]:
It may be volunteering somewhere. It might be mentoring someone. It might be giving to a fundraiser. It might even be I've seen a lot in my neighborhood, even on our next door app, they're saying, do you know a family in need? Because we on our street want to get together and help that family, whether it be because of a loss of a job or sometimes it's a house fire, different things. There are still good people out there who are trying to do good things, and those who can, can do it. And those who are not in the space right now to be able to do that can be the recipients of it. I want them to just as beautifully embrace receiving because it's balanced, it's good to give it's good to receive and that there's no, like you said, no shame in that. Especially because you're not alone in this.
Lanée Blaise [00:05:58]:
It makes me think anyone who can help, there's all different kind of little cute ways or fun ways or good solid ways you can help that may involve money, may not involve money, but it's just necessary to keep us all up.
Matt Lawson [00:06:12]:
Yeah, I'm so glad you brought that up. That's such an important point and something really important to keep in mind. And yes, it absolutely does break loneliness, giving back to others. I remember my very first Christmas away from my family. And not just away from my family, but I had to be at work for a 20 hours shift. This is when I worked in the hospital. I worked in surgery. I was like in my late mid to late 20s, low man on the totem pole.
Matt Lawson [00:06:40]:
I had to work through the holidays and it was fun. Like, I actually went on a run to Denny's to get breakfast for our team and they just gave us all Christmas breakfast., that memory is something that always stood out for me, that became a really fond memory for me.
Sandy Kovach [00:07:02]:
We hope you found some encouragement in this episode or maybe ways to encourage others. These are just a few ideas. Of course, there is professional help out there and we encourage you to get that if you need it. We do have a few resources listed on our website, including contact information for Matt, as well as other places to seek help. It's all on our blog post at Imagine Yourselfpodcast.com. Under the Holiday Blues episode, you'll find a link to that, as well as our social media in the Show Notes. We hope you'll reach out if you get a chance to let us know how you're doing. And if you're listening on Apple podcasts, please give us a rating, a review.
Sandy Kovach [00:07:42]:
It helps people to find us. We wish you blessings during this holiday season and thank you for being part of the Imagine Yourself family.