In this upside-down year of 2020, it’s easy to second guess yourself. Even though you may not feel like it, you’re probably doing better than you think you are. However, considering you have never been in many of the situations you are currently facing because of the pandemic, you also probably have a lot of room for improvement. We all do, and there is no shortage of people telling us how we can do better: enter the critics. They come in many forms. Some are at work, some on the internet, some right in our own houses.
In this episode on how to handle criticism, we look at 1) How to Do a Better Job of Handling People Telling You How You Can Do a Better Job! And 2) When to just ignore the “critics”.
A critic’s job is to criticize, and it’s our job to realize…we are all a work in progress! If your defenses go UP when you receive a little criticism, then you might want to listen UP and learn how to wade through the criticisms without losing your cool. Constructive criticism can be a catalyst for growth, and destructive criticism can be tossed out and forgotten, like last week’s old trash! In this episode, we'll talk about how to tell the difference. Join us...and Imagine Yourself!
Get more inspiration at ImagineYourselfPodcast.com
Join the conversation on our FACEBOOK, TWITTER or INSTAGRAM pages
For more info on IMAGINE YOURSELF with Lanée Blaise and Sandy Kovach or to contact us, visit imagineyourselfpodcast.com
Join the conversation on our FACEBOOK, TWITTER or INSTAGRAM pages. Email at imagineyourselfpodcast@gmail.com
Thanks for being part of the Imagine Yourself Family! Follow or subscribe so you don't miss an episode!
In this upside-down year of 2020, it’s easy to second guess yourself. Even though you may not feel like it, you’re probably doing better than you think you are. However, considering you have never been in many of the situations you are currently facing because of the pandemic, you also probably have a lot of room for improvement. We all do, and there is no shortage of people telling us how we can do better: enter the critics. They come in many forms. Some are at work, some on the internet, some right in our own houses.
In this episode on how to handle criticism, we look at 1) How to Do a Better Job of Handling People Telling You How You Can Do a Better Job! And 2) When to just ignore the “critics”.
A critic’s job is to criticize, and it’s our job to realize…we are all a work in progress! If your defenses go UP when you receive a little criticism, then you might want to listen UP and learn how to wade through the criticisms without losing your cool. Constructive criticism can be a catalyst for growth, and destructive criticism can be tossed out and forgotten, like last week’s old trash! In this episode, we'll talk about how to tell the difference. Join us...and Imagine Yourself!
Get more inspiration at ImagineYourselfPodcast.com
Join the conversation on our FACEBOOK, TWITTER or INSTAGRAM pages
For more info on IMAGINE YOURSELF with Lanée Blaise and Sandy Kovach or to contact us, visit imagineyourselfpodcast.com
Join the conversation on our FACEBOOK, TWITTER or INSTAGRAM pages. Email at imagineyourselfpodcast@gmail.com
Thanks for being part of the Imagine Yourself Family! Follow or subscribe so you don't miss an episode!
Sandy Kovach [00:00:00]:
Criticism is part of life. Some of it is good. Some
Sandy Kovach [00:00:04]:
of it should be ignored. And with the abundance of it going around
Sandy Kovach [00:00:08]:
these days, we thought it was a good time to dig back to one of
Sandy Kovach [00:00:11]:
our very first episodes from season 1, where we talk about telling the
Sandy Kovach [00:00:15]:
difference between constructive and destructive criticism and how to
Sandy Kovach [00:00:19]:
accept the good criticism well.
Lanée Blaise [00:00:22]:
Hello there, everyone out there. I'm Lanee.
Sandy Kovach [00:00:26]:
And I'm Sandy. And, Lanee, are you feeling
Sandy Kovach [00:00:30]:
alright today? Yeah. I'm good. You just don't seem your perky self.
Lanée Blaise [00:00:33]:
I'm trying to be perky.
Sandy Kovach [00:00:34]:
I think you're trying to act weird. Why are you doing that?
Lanée Blaise [00:00:37]:
Are you criticizing me? Are you criticizing the way that I'm opening?
Lanée Blaise [00:00:41]:
I mean, I'm just doing the best I can.
Sandy Kovach [00:00:44]:
Okay. Yeah. I guess I am criticizing a little bit only because I
Sandy Kovach [00:00:47]:
know that usually when we open our podcasts, you are
Sandy Kovach [00:00:51]:
very cheerful. Hi. I'm Lanee, and I say, And I'm
Sandy Kovach [00:00:55]:
Sandy, and then I say, and, Lanee, what are we imagining today?
Sandy Kovach [00:00:58]:
So I'm imagining that you've got something up your sleeve.
Lanée Blaise [00:01:03]:
Oh, yeah. Today, we're imagining
Lanée Blaise [00:01:06]:
ourselves accepting criticism like a boss.
Sandy Kovach [00:01:11]:
How'd I do?
Lanée Blaise [00:01:12]:
Great. That is exactly what I wanted. A little constructive
Lanée Blaise [00:01:16]:
criticism. You didn't beat me over the head with criticism. You just
Lanée Blaise [00:01:20]:
Reminded me of the cheerfulness that is usually present to
Lanée Blaise [00:01:24]:
begin our podcast.
Sandy Kovach [00:01:26]:
Right. Yeah. I kind of figured something was up. But I
Sandy Kovach [00:01:30]:
wanted to be careful because it's a tricky thing criticizing
Sandy Kovach [00:01:33]:
people, and it's a tricky thing accepting criticism as well,
Sandy Kovach [00:01:37]:
which you did very nicely.
Lanée Blaise [00:01:39]:
Thank you. I don't mind a little criticism every once in
Lanée Blaise [00:01:43]:
a while because I now
Lanée Blaise [00:01:47]:
know after a little bit of life lessons, the biggest
Lanée Blaise [00:01:51]:
room in the world is room for
Lanée Blaise [00:01:54]:
improvement
Sandy Kovach [00:01:55]:
. Oh, I like that. did you say that?
Lanée Blaise [00:01:58]:
I Wish. that's one of those bam, drop the mic quotes. It's from Helmut
Lanée Blaise [00:02:01]:
Schmidt. And I love it.
Sandy Kovach [00:02:03]:
The biggest room in the world is the room for improvement.
Sandy Kovach [00:02:08]:
Yes. And if we could all embrace that,
Lanée Blaise [00:02:11]:
then we could really Use constructive criticism as a
Lanée Blaise [00:02:14]:
way to enhance our lives and enhance our
Lanée Blaise [00:02:18]:
talents as opposed to Being frustrated and
Lanée Blaise [00:02:21]:
sad and Defensive.
Sandy Kovach [00:02:23]:
Defensive. That is the key, I think. And I struggle with this as
Sandy Kovach [00:02:27]:
well, especially when it comes to
Sandy Kovach [00:02:31]:
personal relationships, husband and wife sort of things or
Sandy Kovach [00:02:34]:
just relationships sometimes in general is I react
Sandy Kovach [00:02:38]:
negatively to you're not doing that correctly, and we did
Sandy Kovach [00:02:42]:
a podcast before on judgment. Yes. So here's where we have to draw
Sandy Kovach [00:02:46]:
the difference between somebody being judgmental and somebody being
Sandy Kovach [00:02:49]:
constructively critical.
Lanée Blaise [00:02:51]:
Exact and also, I love the way that it goes hand in hand with,
Lanée Blaise [00:02:55]:
like you said, the podcast that we did on being less judgmental, and then
Lanée Blaise [00:02:59]:
this is the absolute salute flip side, accepting
Lanée Blaise [00:03:02]:
criticism.
Sandy Kovach [00:03:03]:
Exactly. Like, do you have a chip on your shoulder? Are you
Sandy Kovach [00:03:07]:
just waiting for someone to offend you? Are you
Sandy Kovach [00:03:10]:
somebody that can hear something and try
Sandy Kovach [00:03:14]:
to run with that and improve yourself? I think the initial
Sandy Kovach [00:03:18]:
reaction of most people is probably at least some
Sandy Kovach [00:03:22]:
defensiveness. I think that's our human reaction normally.
Lanée Blaise [00:03:25]:
I agree. And I also like the way you've mentioned that
Lanée Blaise [00:03:28]:
sometimes it's the more personal relationships where
Lanée Blaise [00:03:32]:
we get defensive, and sometimes it's maybe the
Lanée Blaise [00:03:35]:
career ones. Different things kinda hit different people
Lanée Blaise [00:03:39]:
in different ways, And I think the end
Lanée Blaise [00:03:43]:
result of everything that we talk about today is to try
Lanée Blaise [00:03:47]:
to categorize Where we fall short
Lanée Blaise [00:03:50]:
on accepting criticism with class and also
Lanée Blaise [00:03:55]:
determining Some of the situations where
Lanée Blaise [00:03:58]:
maybe the person who's giving the criticism, we don't have
Lanée Blaise [00:04:02]:
to absorb everything that everyone
Lanée Blaise [00:04:06]:
puts out to us.
Sandy Kovach [00:04:07]:
That's true because there's constructive criticism, and sometimes there's people that are
Sandy Kovach [00:04:10]:
just critical to be critical.
Lanée Blaise [00:04:12]:
Yes. And sometimes it's not even personal against you, or sometimes they have
Lanée Blaise [00:04:16]:
gotten themselves in a bad habit of just criticizing
Lanée Blaise [00:04:19]:
everything. So we are gonna kinda navigate today through
Lanée Blaise [00:04:23]:
all of that so that we learn to accept
Lanée Blaise [00:04:27]:
criticism when necessary.
Sandy Kovach [00:04:29]:
So you mentioned career. And I think on the job,
Sandy Kovach [00:04:33]:
people expect to be criticized. I mean, they have their reviews with
Sandy Kovach [00:04:37]:
their boss, whether it's yearly or whatever. Yes. If they're not doing a
Sandy Kovach [00:04:40]:
task correctly, you would hope that their manager would say something.
Sandy Kovach [00:04:44]:
But I am assuming, and I am
Sandy Kovach [00:04:48]:
not in the kind of profession where I have managed people, so
Sandy Kovach [00:04:51]:
I've never had to deal with this. But I've certainly been on the other side
Sandy Kovach [00:04:54]:
of it. Yes. You really gotta be careful how you go
Sandy Kovach [00:04:58]:
about criticizing, and it probably depends on the person, the
Sandy Kovach [00:05:02]:
employee. Right?
Lanée Blaise [00:05:03]:
Yeah. Now how about the biggest lesson I learned from this? I was watching
Lanée Blaise [00:05:07]:
another documentary. I love these documentaries now, and it was called In Search of Greatness.
Lanée Blaise [00:05:11]:
And this is just 1 tiny piece of the documentary, but it was a
Lanée Blaise [00:05:15]:
coach who coached, I believe, football.
Lanée Blaise [00:05:19]:
And he realized that you cannot treat every
Lanée Blaise [00:05:22]:
player the same way, and you can't necessarily
Lanée Blaise [00:05:26]:
go hardcore on every player because
Lanée Blaise [00:05:30]:
he said some of them just don't have it in their makeup to take
Lanée Blaise [00:05:34]:
that, and it's not gonna Bring about the results that you
Lanée Blaise [00:05:37]:
want. Mhmm. And so you if you really want to
Lanée Blaise [00:05:41]:
get the best out of your Workers out of your players,
Lanée Blaise [00:05:45]:
out of your family members, out of your children, you need
Lanée Blaise [00:05:48]:
to be mindful of how they work.
Lanée Blaise [00:05:52]:
And some of them, you can be very straightforward. Come right at
Lanée Blaise [00:05:56]:
them with the things that they need to change. And others, you might need
Lanée Blaise [00:06:00]:
to have a gentler touch.
Sandy Kovach [00:02:03]:
Put
Sandy Kovach [00:06:01]:
a pillow down as I've heard the expression go. You lay a pillow
Sandy Kovach [00:06:05]:
down, and then you say what you need to say.
Sandy Kovach [00:06:08]:
But, yeah, like, think of
Sandy Kovach [00:06:12]:
something nice that they're doing. I'm sure that in most situations, you
Sandy Kovach [00:06:16]:
don't just only have critical things to say about people. Right?
Sandy Kovach [00:06:20]:
And say, you're doing this great. Love this. Blah blah
Sandy Kovach [00:06:24]:
blah as long as you need to do it until maybe you see them lighten
Sandy Kovach [00:06:27]:
up a little bit.
Lanée Blaise [00:06:28]:
And then And then you go ahead and say, these
Lanée Blaise [00:06:33]:
things that we now I remember my little sister. I have lots of
Lanée Blaise [00:06:37]:
little sisters, but this is the little sister next in line by me. And
Lanée Blaise [00:06:41]:
when she was in nursery school, They would be
Lanée Blaise [00:06:44]:
evaluated with satisfactory or
Lanée Blaise [00:06:48]:
we're still working on it.
Sandy Kovach [00:06:52]:
Oh, isn't that a nice way to put it? Yes. I love that.
Lanée Blaise [00:06:55]:
And that even though I know that's a very elementary way of putting
Lanée Blaise [00:06:59]:
it, Sometimes that can be effective. Now
Lanée Blaise [00:07:03]:
there are people that you do just have to really come straight in the face
Lanée Blaise [00:07:07]:
with it, but a lot of people, we're still working on it, time. Or even
Lanée Blaise [00:07:10]:
sometimes for yourself. Do we sometimes need to tell ourselves
Lanée Blaise [00:07:14]:
we're still working on it and not be so hard
Lanée Blaise [00:07:17]:
on ourselves or so critical on ourselves.
Sandy Kovach [00:06:50]:
Yeah. That's
Sandy Kovach [00:07:20]:
another huge topic. And one I think we should probably weave
Sandy Kovach [00:07:24]:
into this is the self talk, the negative self talk, and the
Sandy Kovach [00:07:27]:
self criticism. And the amount that we do that may
Sandy Kovach [00:07:31]:
have to do with our upbringing. Some people had overly critical
Sandy Kovach [00:07:35]:
parents or other people in their lives, big sisters. I'm
Sandy Kovach [00:07:39]:
not saying you. But
Lanée Blaise [00:07:41]:
maybe. And, yeah,
Sandy Kovach [00:07:43]:
maybe they would have more of a hard time with it. I don't know.
Lanée Blaise [00:07:42]:
There is
Lanée Blaise [00:07:47]:
another aspect too. Even in the Bible, there's a section that
Lanée Blaise [00:07:50]:
says, search me, Lord, and know my heart. Test me and know
Lanée Blaise [00:07:54]:
my anxious thoughts and see if there's any offensive way in
Lanée Blaise [00:07:58]:
me Because it's asking to better yourself.
Sandy Kovach [00:08:02]:
Mhmm.
Lanée Blaise [00:08:03]:
And I like that example because it's not
Lanée Blaise [00:08:07]:
Anything where you're trying to be brutal, but we
Lanée Blaise [00:08:10]:
do want self awareness. We want self reflection
Lanée Blaise [00:08:14]:
so that we can take positive steps
Lanée Blaise [00:08:18]:
to be a better self.
Sandy Kovach [00:08:01]:
Yeah. Norman
Sandy Kovach [00:08:20]:
Vincent Peale. Love this quote. The trouble with most
Sandy Kovach [00:08:24]:
of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than
Sandy Kovach [00:08:28]:
saved by criticism. .
Sandy Kovach [00:08:31]:
I know. Right? I saw that. That's me. That's me.
Sandy Kovach [00:08:35]:
Really?
Lanée Blaise [00:08:36]:
Yeah. I mean, if I'm being perfectly honest with myself,
Lanée Blaise [00:08:40]:
I have to be really careful that I don't
Lanée Blaise [00:08:43]:
only listen for the good.
Sandy Kovach [00:08:45]:
You wanna listen for the good. Time. You wanna listen for them when they put
Sandy Kovach [00:08:48]:
the pillow down before they criticize you. But, yeah, you
Sandy Kovach [00:08:52]:
don't grow. You don't absorb. Yes. And I
Sandy Kovach [00:08:55]:
think the way that you take the criticism
Sandy Kovach [00:08:59]:
is key. Right? So we wanted to make the difference, and you alluded to
Sandy Kovach [00:09:03]:
this a little between someone who's actually giving you constructive
Sandy Kovach [00:09:06]:
criticism, whether it's a spouse or a parent or a
Sandy Kovach [00:09:10]:
supervisor, a friend, whatever. And sometimes the most real
Sandy Kovach [00:09:14]:
thing comes from your friends. Right? Because they know you, and they only only they
Sandy Kovach [00:09:17]:
can say certain things. Right?
Lanée Blaise [00:09:19]:
That's right. Especially those ones from way back in the day situation. Yes.
Sandy Kovach [00:09:22]:
Yes. So it's a difference between that and then somebody like
Sandy Kovach [00:09:26]:
I think you were saying, it's just criticizing to criticize. That's their nature.
Lanée Blaise [00:09:30]:
And that's the part that I want people to try to put
Lanée Blaise [00:09:33]:
into boxes, into categories. There are those objective
Lanée Blaise [00:09:37]:
people who are You really do respect what they
Lanée Blaise [00:09:41]:
say. They are wise, and this person actually,
Lanée Blaise [00:09:45]:
probably very likely knows what they're talking about. They have our best
Lanée Blaise [00:09:49]:
interests at heart, and they might be able to help us
Lanée Blaise [00:09:53]:
avoid certain pitfalls. We could benefit by
Lanée Blaise [00:09:57]:
implementing some of pair advice and suggested changes.
Sandy Kovach [00:10:00]:
Mhmm.
Lanée Blaise [00:10:01]:
And then, of course, like you said, there's the person who they
Lanée Blaise [00:10:05]:
just like to sound off. They might not even really mean some of the
Lanée Blaise [00:10:08]:
things that are coming out of their mouth. They just idly
Lanée Blaise [00:10:12]:
criticize because it's a bad habit that they have. And
Lanée Blaise [00:10:15]:
if this is you that I'm talking to, I really
Lanée Blaise [00:10:19]:
urge you to please try to get rid of that
Lanée Blaise [00:10:23]:
habit Because it actually lessens the effect
Lanée Blaise [00:10:27]:
when you might have something that is helpful. Mhmm.
Lanée Blaise [00:10:31]:
Because people begin to tune you out or they should begin to tune you
Lanée Blaise [00:10:34]:
out because you are always giving something negative. And that's
Lanée Blaise [00:10:38]:
just not working.
Sandy Kovach [00:08:29]:
No. And
Sandy Kovach [00:10:40]:
and you see people like that on social media a lot.
Lanée Blaise [00:10:44]:
Oh, yes.
Sandy Kovach [00:10:43]:
And some people get paid to be critics. And okay.
Sandy Kovach [00:10:46]:
In some people, that's part of their shtick and all
Sandy Kovach [00:10:50]:
that stuff. But I think day to day, when not
Sandy Kovach [00:10:53]:
only do we see it maybe in people that
Sandy Kovach [00:10:57]:
are friends, family, coworkers, whatever, but we see it constantly on social
Sandy Kovach [00:11:01]:
media or on the news or and it everything is, like, critical, critical, critical.
Sandy Kovach [00:11:05]:
It almost becomes like, okay. Well, this is normal, time. So I'm a jump
Sandy Kovach [00:11:08]:
right in.
Lanée Blaise [00:11:09]:
Yeah. That is not the way we were designed to
Lanée Blaise [00:11:13]:
be. We should not allow that to be
Lanée Blaise [00:11:16]:
normal, And we should kind of
Lanée Blaise [00:11:20]:
even fight for our sense of normalcy to
Lanée Blaise [00:11:23]:
turn to the part where, like you said, we Concentrate
Lanée Blaise [00:11:27]:
also on positive things. Even on the news, my mom says now she's kinda to
Lanée Blaise [00:11:31]:
the point where she really likes to just listen to the end of the news
Lanée Blaise [00:11:35]:
with, David Muir, Where they give the positive story of something going
Lanée Blaise [00:11:38]:
on in our country and people who are giving back and volunteering and doing
Lanée Blaise [00:11:42]:
beautiful things because she wants to filter out some of
Lanée Blaise [00:11:46]:
that negativity and not absorb it.
Sandy Kovach [00:11:49]:
Yeah.
Lanée Blaise [00:11:49]:
And she wants the positive part, which thank God, there are still
Lanée Blaise [00:11:53]:
there's some you have to look for it sometimes. But To put the
Lanée Blaise [00:11:57]:
positive. And, like I said, I want people to
Lanée Blaise [00:12:00]:
really concentrate on that as opposed to getting sucked into the
Lanée Blaise [00:12:04]:
negativity and going along with it themselves.
Sandy Kovach [00:12:07]:
Yeah. You can understand and realize that
Sandy Kovach [00:12:11]:
this negativity is going on whether it be on Twitter
Sandy Kovach [00:12:15]:
or on the news or gossiping.
Lanée Blaise [00:12:19]:
Yes.
Sandy Kovach [00:12:19]:
Oh my gosh.
Lanée Blaise [00:12:20]:
Yes.
Sandy Kovach [00:12:21]:
That's a whole different issue maybe, but it's kinda tied in.
Lanée Blaise [00:12:24]:
It's kinda tied in. There's gossiping. There's badgering people.
Lanée Blaise [00:12:28]:
I mean, even in court, they say stop badgering a witness. You know? That that's
Lanée Blaise [00:12:31]:
a thing. And you wanna make sure that you're not just doing
Lanée Blaise [00:12:35]:
destructive work, that you're doing helpful work. There's
Lanée Blaise [00:12:38]:
the other side of this too where there are some people. Do you
Lanée Blaise [00:12:42]:
know anybody who is just Highly sensitive, and
Lanée Blaise [00:12:46]:
you can never ever criticize anything they say.
Sandy Kovach [00:12:50]:
I have run across people like that. Nobody is coming to my mind at the
Sandy Kovach [00:12:53]:
moment, but I have in the course of my life, certainly, of course. How
Sandy Kovach [00:12:56]:
about you?
Lanée Blaise [00:12:57]:
Well, that already tells I don't really have any right now. I wonder if those
Lanée Blaise [00:13:00]:
people
Sandy Kovach [00:13:01]:
They don't wanna be around you.
Lanée Blaise [00:13:03]:
And we don't wanna be around them. We have cut them out of our lives.
Lanée Blaise [00:13:07]:
Now this is way before my time and way before your
Lanée Blaise [00:13:10]:
time, but there's this song. It was my mom's time.
Sandy Kovach [00:13:14]:
Alright. It's
Lanée Blaise [00:13:14]:
called Charlie Brown. And at the little end of each chorus, it say,
Lanée Blaise [00:13:18]:
why is everybody always picking on me?
Sandy Kovach [00:13:21]:
I know that. Yeah. It was, like, from the fifties. Yes. Yeah.
Lanée Blaise [00:13:24]:
And there are people that just sound like that as a broken
Lanée Blaise [00:13:28]:
record all the time. And now that we're reflecting back,
Lanée Blaise [00:13:32]:
We don't have those people in our lives anymore. I mean, if it's a family
Lanée Blaise [00:13:35]:
member, it's a little tricky because you can't always cut out a family member, but
Lanée Blaise [00:13:39]:
Certain friends and social relations, they get knocked out. And
Lanée Blaise [00:13:43]:
from the job place, if they're not trainable and they're not coachable and
Lanée Blaise [00:13:46]:
they're not receptive to any type of criticism.
Sandy Kovach [00:13:49]:
You can't work with that. Exactly. So that's one extreme.
Sandy Kovach [00:13:53]:
And, certainly, there are people that our
Sandy Kovach [00:13:57]:
kind of on the spectrum maybe not that far out where they
Sandy Kovach [00:14:01]:
can't take any criticism at all. But there are certainly people who are
Sandy Kovach [00:14:05]:
just sensitive. And there have been times in my life and with certain
Sandy Kovach [00:14:08]:
relationships where I have to raise my hand and say, I've been pretty
Sandy Kovach [00:14:12]:
sensitive too when it wasn't called for.
Lanée Blaise [00:14:14]:
When it wasn't called for or when it becomes too much. Now that leads me
Lanée Blaise [00:14:18]:
to what should one do when especially
Lanée Blaise [00:14:21]:
now at work, it's a little tricky. Okay? Because you do have to get your
Lanée Blaise [00:14:24]:
performance evaluations and you kinda have to suck it up and deal with it. But
Lanée Blaise [00:14:28]:
in more personal relationships, what do you do When you
Lanée Blaise [00:14:31]:
feel that your friend or someone is just too critical of you, how
Lanée Blaise [00:14:35]:
do you handle it?
Sandy Kovach [00:14:36]:
You know, it probably depends on who it is and
Sandy Kovach [00:14:40]:
what kind of a person they are and even whether they're male or
Sandy Kovach [00:14:44]:
female. Men and women kinda come at this a little bit differently,
Sandy Kovach [00:14:48]:
and it's not a broad brush. Certainly, there are
Sandy Kovach [00:14:51]:
exceptions. But I have found, and you can tell me what you
Sandy Kovach [00:14:55]:
think about this, that men tend to be a little more straightforward
Sandy Kovach [00:14:59]:
and matter of fact, and let you know what's going on.
Sandy Kovach [00:15:03]:
And women can be more sensitive or more nuanced,
Sandy Kovach [00:15:06]:
or they may have more of a need to have that pillow put
Sandy Kovach [00:15:10]:
down as opposed to maybe like, if I tell my husband,
Sandy Kovach [00:15:14]:
hey, You're not making the coffee right. He is the last
Sandy Kovach [00:15:17]:
person that's gonna be offended by that.
Lanée Blaise [00:15:20]:
Okay. So you're saying that you kinda have to know your audience. Right?
Sandy Kovach [00:15:23]:
No urines. Yeah. And I don't know. Is it true do you think that's true
Sandy Kovach [00:15:26]:
with men and women that they tend to be a little less offended or
Sandy Kovach [00:15:30]:
more matter of fact than straightforward?
Lanée Blaise [00:15:32]:
I almost wanna agree, but there's some portion of me that is screaming
Lanée Blaise [00:15:36]:
out. Sometimes it is more about the relationship
Lanée Blaise [00:15:39]:
that you have Then even your gender.
Lanée Blaise [00:15:43]:
Because, for example, I find myself with my children
Lanée Blaise [00:15:47]:
telling them things very matter of fact and not
Lanée Blaise [00:15:50]:
cushioning it at all. And then they're like, oh my gosh, mom. You're so harsh.
Lanée Blaise [00:15:53]:
And I said, well, that's That's your mother's job. A mother's job is to tell
Lanée Blaise [00:15:56]:
it like it is because we don't want you out in the world like they
Lanée Blaise [00:15:59]:
do on American Idol, and they think they can sing and they can't. I don't
Lanée Blaise [00:16:01]:
want that to happen to you, my dear.
Sandy Kovach [00:16:02]:
Time. Yes. Yeah. You're preparing them for the real world.
Lanée Blaise [00:16:05]:
Yes. And I figure if I don't tell them, the real world to tell them,
Lanée Blaise [00:16:09]:
and it'll be a lot harsher. And then with my husband or back when I
Lanée Blaise [00:16:12]:
had my roommate too, whoever I live with, I'm way more
Lanée Blaise [00:16:16]:
snap quick to say what I feel without cushioning it at
Lanée Blaise [00:16:20]:
all, but I need to be mindful of that. Because
Lanée Blaise [00:16:24]:
I thought My husband's so tough, and he can just handle anything, and I can
Lanée Blaise [00:16:28]:
say things whatever. And I'm starting to realize as we get
Lanée Blaise [00:16:32]:
older, Some of those things land hard.
Sandy Kovach [00:16:35]:
And he just doesn't show it.
Lanée Blaise [00:16:37]:
Exactly. But later, he mentioned something, and I said, oh,
Lanée Blaise [00:16:40]:
man. He really still remembers that? That must have pinched him a
Lanée Blaise [00:16:44]:
bit Yeah. More than I anticipated.
Sandy Kovach [00:16:47]:
You're saying that you tend to come more from the camp of
Sandy Kovach [00:16:51]:
being straight out at people. Doubt, that's with your family. But what about
Lanée Blaise [00:16:55]:
Oh.
Sandy Kovach [00:16:55]:
Coworkers or friends
Lanée Blaise [00:16:56]:
or Everybody else. I'm just a saint. I would
Lanée Blaise [00:17:00]:
never ever say anything that would be
Lanée Blaise [00:17:04]:
too harsh.
Sandy Kovach [00:17:05]:
I see. Yes. Well, that's probably not
Sandy Kovach [00:17:09]:
unusual for people. But do you think looking at
Sandy Kovach [00:17:12]:
your the way you parent or the way that you are at home,
Sandy Kovach [00:17:16]:
Do you think you should be putting more pillows down, or do you think that's
Sandy Kovach [00:17:19]:
okay the way you're doing it?
Lanée Blaise [00:17:21]:
I think that this whole conversation
Lanée Blaise [00:17:24]:
has actually made me become more conscious
Lanée Blaise [00:17:29]:
about the times that I need to put the pillow down and the times that
Lanée Blaise [00:17:33]:
I need to keep doing it the way that I'm doing it.
Sandy Kovach [00:17:35]:
Like a case by case basis.
Lanée Blaise [00:17:37]:
Yes.
Sandy Kovach [00:17:37]:
So let's flip the script a little bit and go to what we initially
Sandy Kovach [00:17:41]:
talked about. We're the recipient now Yes. Of the criticism
Sandy Kovach [00:17:45]:
as opposed to how we're giving it whether we're putting pillows down or not.
Sandy Kovach [00:17:49]:
We are gonna get criticism at work, at home, time on
Sandy Kovach [00:17:52]:
the Internet. Oh, yeah.
Lanée Blaise [00:17:54]:
Well Unfortunately.
Sandy Kovach [00:17:55]:
Yes. Things are gonna come at us from different ways, and it's up to
Sandy Kovach [00:17:59]:
us how we react to it. What do you think are some
Sandy Kovach [00:18:02]:
good skills? Other than the fact that you've already said we need to
Sandy Kovach [00:18:06]:
look at who's saying it. Is it a close friend? Do they care about you?
Sandy Kovach [00:18:10]:
Or is it just somebody sounding off? Is there anything else we can do to
Sandy Kovach [00:18:14]:
absorb it?
Lanée Blaise [00:18:15]:
There's the part of sometimes not absorbing it. Time. Right? Ignoring
Lanée Blaise [00:18:19]:
it completely, which can be maybe easier said than done.
Lanée Blaise [00:18:22]:
But there's fully ignoring it. There's
Lanée Blaise [00:18:26]:
Accepting it. There's accepting portions of it. I
Lanée Blaise [00:18:30]:
almost feel like and I don't know if this is getting too
Lanée Blaise [00:18:34]:
way out there. But I feel like if we had the ability
Lanée Blaise [00:18:37]:
to take in criticism, put it in a box,
Lanée Blaise [00:18:41]:
Observe it as if we were a scientist, and decide
Lanée Blaise [00:18:45]:
which parts of it we want to use For our betterment
Lanée Blaise [00:18:49]:
and which parts we want to leave in the box or which
Lanée Blaise [00:18:53]:
parts we're just not ready to handle yet, that we know that we probably
Lanée Blaise [00:18:57]:
do need to work on this, But I'm just not emotionally ready
Lanée Blaise [00:19:00]:
to accept that criticism yet, so I'll leave it in the box
Lanée Blaise [00:19:04]:
and come back to it. Yeah. Maybe this is just me, but I
Lanée Blaise [00:19:08]:
really do believe in boxes and compartmentalizing all
Lanée Blaise [00:19:11]:
types of things, whether it be For me, it goes for painful
Lanée Blaise [00:19:15]:
things that were said to me or done to me at different times. I like
Lanée Blaise [00:19:19]:
to put in a box, and I know that I'll come back to it, and
Lanée Blaise [00:19:22]:
I'll evaluate it When I'm emotionally able to do
Lanée Blaise [00:19:25]:
so.
Sandy Kovach [00:19:26]:
Right. Now that's a good strategy. So, let's put
Sandy Kovach [00:19:30]:
a little practical application here. Let's say
Sandy Kovach [00:19:33]:
you are we'll put it a work situation because it's probably gonna be the most
Sandy Kovach [00:19:37]:
common for a lot of people that that's gonna happen more on a daily basis
Sandy Kovach [00:19:41]:
than anything else. Right? Yes. As long as you have a boss. If you're your
Sandy Kovach [00:19:44]:
own boss, you're in your own company, fine. But time. If you've got a boss,
Sandy Kovach [00:19:47]:
there's a good chance that something you do is gonna hit you.
Sandy Kovach [00:19:51]:
And let's say that your boss criticizes something that you
Sandy Kovach [00:19:54]:
thought you did a particularly good job on. You worked really hard on this
Sandy Kovach [00:19:58]:
project. And in comes your boss. And let's say he doesn't put any
Sandy Kovach [00:20:02]:
pillows town. Mhmm. And it's like, well, I'm sorry, but this is not
Sandy Kovach [00:20:05]:
what management is looking for or just blah blah
Sandy Kovach [00:20:09]:
blah. And maybe he even throws in a little cutting thing.
Lanée Blaise [00:20:12]:
Yes.
Sandy Kovach [00:20:13]:
What do we do with that?
Lanée Blaise [00:20:15]:
Again, from my perspective,
Lanée Blaise [00:20:18]:
. And I immediately is not a doctor. I'm
Lanée Blaise [00:20:22]:
just kidding.
Sandy Kovach [00:20:22]:
Go ahead Dr. Lanee
Lanée Blaise [00:20:24]:
No. I put it in my box, and I immediately removed that
Lanée Blaise [00:20:27]:
cutting comment because there's no place for it. I don't need it.
Lanée Blaise [00:20:31]:
It's not serving me well. Then, of course, I evaluate the things
Lanée Blaise [00:20:35]:
that that they said. And here's the problem.
Lanée Blaise [00:20:38]:
Because even though I truly believe that I did a job well done
Lanée Blaise [00:20:42]:
and that that was spot on. They didn't.
Lanée Blaise [00:20:46]:
They're the boss, And I need to be able
Lanée Blaise [00:20:49]:
to adapt. Right. And I need to be able
Lanée Blaise [00:20:53]:
to look at what they said And learn to adapt.
Lanée Blaise [00:20:57]:
And even I can keep a little piece of it still in there too that
Lanée Blaise [00:21:00]:
I'll always know in the future when I'm off with my own business.
Lanée Blaise [00:21:04]:
Mhmm. Maybe I will go consider going back and doing things the way that I've
Lanée Blaise [00:21:08]:
done it before. But for the purposes of me working at that
Lanée Blaise [00:21:11]:
business and what they're twiring. I need to be able to
Lanée Blaise [00:21:15]:
adapt. That's my take on it.
Sandy Kovach [00:21:17]:
So you need to separate yourself, and you need to remove
Sandy Kovach [00:21:21]:
the personal part of it out. Because they always say, it's
Sandy Kovach [00:21:24]:
nothing personal.
Lanée Blaise [00:21:25]:
Nothing personal. And sometimes that is true. Like I said, that's
Lanée Blaise [00:21:29]:
why that cutting remark is the 1st to go because I took that
Lanée Blaise [00:21:33]:
personally. It's not serving me. It's not gonna help me be a better
Lanée Blaise [00:21:36]:
employee. So there you go.
Sandy Kovach [00:21:38]:
Fortunately, I've never had to deal with a boss that has been that. But I
Sandy Kovach [00:21:42]:
have certainly heard stories and know that that's
Sandy Kovach [00:21:46]:
not a tactic that's never used. Let's put it that
Sandy Kovach [00:21:49]:
way. Right. Sometimes bosses feel like that's a good way to drive you. But
Sandy Kovach [00:21:53]:
it goes back to to the personality type.
Lanée Blaise [00:21:56]:
To all you bosses out there, please don't use that as your
Lanée Blaise [00:21:59]:
technique. Just an FYI.
Sandy Kovach [00:22:02]:
Let's do another one. Let's do a personal one. And this is sometimes harder.
Sandy Kovach [00:22:05]:
Right? They're all hard. They're all hard.
Lanée Blaise [00:22:08]:
I know. They're all hard.
Sandy Kovach [00:22:09]:
Let's say you just got married. And this is hard because people
Sandy Kovach [00:22:13]:
who have never lived together before are not going to have the same kind of
Sandy Kovach [00:22:17]:
ways Exactly. Things.
Lanée Blaise [00:22:19]:
Yes.
Sandy Kovach [00:22:20]:
You do laundry a certain way, and
Sandy Kovach [00:22:24]:
I don't know. How many ways can you do laundry? Maybe this is a bad
Sandy Kovach [00:22:27]:
example.
Lanée Blaise [00:22:27]:
Maybe cooking. How about cooking? Cooking.
Sandy Kovach [00:22:29]:
Oh, cooking.
Lanée Blaise [00:22:31]:
You don't cook like my mama cooked?
Sandy Kovach [00:22:32]:
You don't cook like mama cook. Yeah. Yes. You don't brown the chicken the way
Sandy Kovach [00:22:36]:
I like it browned. Why are you cooking it like that?
Lanée Blaise [00:22:39]:
See what's wrong with you. That's another one where If
Lanée Blaise [00:22:43]:
you can manage to separate
Lanée Blaise [00:22:46]:
out, and you can even do it, like, when I'm cooking for myself
Lanée Blaise [00:22:50]:
And my spouse is out of town. I'm going to cook it that way that
Lanée Blaise [00:22:53]:
I always did. But as a loving gesture,
Lanée Blaise [00:22:57]:
I will go ahead and try their way. Yeah.
Lanée Blaise [00:23:01]:
So that's another thing. Criticism has been a
Lanée Blaise [00:23:05]:
wonderful impetus in this world. Restaurants sometimes get
Lanée Blaise [00:23:08]:
better because of critics or criticism. Broadway shows,
Lanée Blaise [00:23:12]:
if if no one ever had A critic in the audience, it may
Lanée Blaise [00:23:16]:
become stagnant.
Sandy Kovach [00:23:17]:
Mhmm.
Lanée Blaise [00:23:17]:
All kinds of things like that. Recipes. Family recipes even. We've
Lanée Blaise [00:23:21]:
been doing it this way forever. Well, maybe if you
Lanée Blaise [00:23:25]:
add a little pinch of cinnamon to your chili, it might make it get that
Lanée Blaise [00:23:28]:
little extra kick.
Sandy Kovach [00:23:29]:
Really? Cinnamon?
Lanée Blaise [00:23:30]:
Yes, ma'am.
Sandy Kovach [00:23:31]:
Okay.
Lanée Blaise [00:23:32]:
Yes. I
Sandy Kovach [00:23:32]:
didn't realize we're getting recipe tips on podcast, but there you have it.
Lanée Blaise [00:23:35]:
Yes. I'm also a nutritionist and a chef. Master no.
Lanée Blaise [00:23:39]:
Doctor. Master chef. I'm everything. That's right. I'm every
Lanée Blaise [00:23:43]:
woman.
Sandy Kovach [00:21:55]:
You are
Sandy Kovach [00:21:56]:
Chaka
Sandy Kovach [00:23:45]:
Khan apparently here.
Lanée Blaise [00:23:47]:
Yes. Singer. No. No. But time. That's what I'm getting at. If we can, like
Lanée Blaise [00:23:50]:
you said, take the emotion out of it for a bit, we might get
Lanée Blaise [00:23:54]:
so then we have 2 different types of chili. I have chili that I make
Lanée Blaise [00:23:57]:
for myself, and I have chili that I make for my spouse and his crew,
Lanée Blaise [00:24:00]:
you know, his family who comes by. It's okay to have
Lanée Blaise [00:24:03]:
extra, to have enhancements, to have different sides of yourself.
Sandy Kovach [00:24:07]:
And it just comes down to how we take
Sandy Kovach [00:24:11]:
criticism. So do we have takeaways on taking
Sandy Kovach [00:24:15]:
criticism?
Lanée Blaise [00:24:16]:
Oh, absolutely. We yes. Okay.
Lanée Blaise [00:24:19]:
Takeaways, otherwise known as How you can
Lanée Blaise [00:24:23]:
do a better job of handling folks telling you
Lanée Blaise [00:24:27]:
how you can do a better job.
Sandy Kovach [00:24:28]:
I like that.
Lanée Blaise [00:24:29]:
Okay. Number 1, accept the
Lanée Blaise [00:24:33]:
fact that you are still a work in progress.
Lanée Blaise [00:24:38]:
Remember, We're still working on it.
Sandy Kovach [00:24:41]:
We're still working on it.
Lanée Blaise [00:24:42]:
Ain't that that's a way better way to think of it than I suck right
Lanée Blaise [00:24:46]:
now. Time. We're still working on it.
Lanée Blaise [00:24:49]:
Also, remember that part about you must determine whether the
Lanée Blaise [00:24:53]:
person giving this advice or criticism is a
Lanée Blaise [00:24:57]:
valid source or not. If their motives are
Lanée Blaise [00:25:00]:
based out of jealousy, which is a thing Mhmm.
Lanée Blaise [00:25:04]:
Or ignorance Mhmm. Or
Lanée Blaise [00:25:08]:
meanness, or they just love criticizing, and that's just a bad
Lanée Blaise [00:25:12]:
habit that they have, Then we need to learn to fully
Lanée Blaise [00:25:15]:
ignore their criticisms, and we wanna make sure that we are not that
Lanée Blaise [00:25:19]:
person who does that also. Right. If you're criticizing
Lanée Blaise [00:25:23]:
yourself, please make sure that you look into your
Lanée Blaise [00:25:26]:
own motives because you want to
Lanée Blaise [00:25:30]:
Climb out of any mindset that is negative, and
Lanée Blaise [00:25:34]:
you want it to only be things that bring forth
Lanée Blaise [00:25:38]:
positive change.
Sandy Kovach [00:25:39]:
Yeah.
Lanée Blaise [00:25:40]:
Good self awareness, good self reflection, not just beating yourself upside the
Lanée Blaise [00:25:44]:
head. And the last thing, we talked about this in another
Lanée Blaise [00:25:47]:
podcast about tweaking yourself, not twerking
Lanée Blaise [00:25:51]:
yourself,
Sandy Kovach [00:25:53]:
which is a really funny visual. But, tweak yourself.
Sandy Kovach [00:25:57]:
Don't twerk yourself.
Lanée Blaise [00:25:58]:
Yeah.
Sandy Kovach [00:25:58]:
So but just don't let it go all out of hand. Just a little bit.
Lanée Blaise [00:26:01]:
Just a little bit. Yeah. And so tweak, I love that word,
Lanée Blaise [00:26:04]:
actually. It's a good word because it doesn't mean that you have
Lanée Blaise [00:26:08]:
to overhaul and be a brand new person and that this person that you are
Lanée Blaise [00:26:12]:
right now is just disposable. It just means you
Lanée Blaise [00:26:15]:
need a little few tweaks here and there and a little criticism,
Lanée Blaise [00:26:20]:
a little tweak here and there Can be good. Inventions
Lanée Blaise [00:26:24]:
in this country, in this world, were because of little tweaks and little
Lanée Blaise [00:26:28]:
improvements to previous things. We were hot, and then
Lanée Blaise [00:26:32]:
we had fans, and then we had air conditioners.
Lanée Blaise [00:26:35]:
Mhmm. And who knows what we'll have next? But, you know, it just improvements.
Sandy Kovach [00:26:39]:
What if somebody had said, this fan invention, wasn't it good enough for you? Come
Sandy Kovach [00:26:43]:
on.
Lanée Blaise [00:26:43]:
Yeah. See? So sometimes we can actually
Lanée Blaise [00:26:47]:
benefit from air conditioning.
Sandy Kovach [00:26:49]:
Yep. Criticism can definitely lead to improvement. And I
Sandy Kovach [00:26:53]:
love this quote I just found from William Gilmore Sims who said the dread of
Sandy Kovach [00:26:57]:
criticism is the death of genius. Oh,
Sandy Kovach [00:27:00]:
yeah. So that ties right in. I mean, literally, so many things. If people had
Sandy Kovach [00:27:04]:
been too sensitive to take critic Yes. Criticism,
Lanée Blaise [00:27:06]:
there would be without so many advancements
Lanée Blaise [00:27:11]:
and innovations, and I love that quote.
Sandy Kovach [00:27:13]:
People probably are all over tech blogs criticizing phones and stuff
Sandy Kovach [00:27:17]:
and or whatever the latest tech is that comes out, and I
Sandy Kovach [00:27:21]:
would assume Apple and other companies looks at that stuff.
Lanée Blaise [00:27:24]:
They continue to try to to get to the next level.
Lanée Blaise [00:27:27]:
Yeah. You don't wanna stay stagnant at the same level. Okay. So
Lanée Blaise [00:27:31]:
how about this? If you stay at the same level and you already know
Lanée Blaise [00:27:35]:
everything thing there is to know. Boom. I may as well just
Sandy Kovach [00:27:37]:
Have a flip phone.
Sandy Kovach [00:27:41]:
IPhone 3. Time.
Lanée Blaise [00:27:43]:
I was gonna say may as well just be done with life because I already
Lanée Blaise [00:27:46]:
know everything, but, yeah, that flip phone thing
Sandy Kovach [00:27:48]:
Phone is life. Right? Days. Yeah.
Lanée Blaise [00:27:51]:
Time. Yes. Yes. So yeah. That's
Lanée Blaise [00:27:55]:
where we are. If we can just lower the
Lanée Blaise [00:27:59]:
sensitivity just a bit and actually accept some of the
Lanée Blaise [00:28:02]:
criticism.
Sandy Kovach [00:28:03]:
And we can imagine ourselves being how would
Sandy Kovach [00:28:07]:
you put it less susceptible to criticism? Or, oh, come on. You're so
Sandy Kovach [00:28:10]:
eloquent. How are we gonna imagine ourselves, doctor Lanee?
Lanée Blaise [00:28:13]:
Imagine yourself secure enough to
Lanée Blaise [00:28:17]:
accept constructive criticism and use it
Lanée Blaise [00:28:21]:
to develop your very best self.
Sandy Kovach [00:28:24]:
Thanks for listening today. Your comments always appreciated.
Sandy Kovach [00:28:28]:
Go to imagine yourself podcast.com, and you'll find our links
Sandy Kovach [00:28:32]:
to email us and to hit us up on social
Sandy Kovach [00:28:36]:
media if you like. Also, love for you to subscribe and give us a rating
Sandy Kovach [00:28:39]:
on Apple Podcasts or Google or wherever you're listening, and we'll talk to
Sandy Kovach [00:28:43]:
you again next time, when we have something new to imagine.