From fairy tales to romcoms we are enchanted by couples who despite enormous odds, find each other, fall madly in love and then live happily ever after. In real life, things can be uh…a little more complicated. Not to say that romantic dreams don’t come true, but navigating the process of meeting people, dating, getting into relationships and maybe marriage is a challenging business. Now, add in that you’re trying to do it after 40 and things can get even trickier. Whether you’re looking for advice for yourself or a single friend or family member, our guest Renee Suzanne is here to help. An author and relationship coach, she helps women over 40 who want to date to find lasting love.
Dating, she tells us, is a skill that can be learned. From navigating dating apps and websites to advice to use on your dates and in your relationships, Renee fills us in on what it takes to find a man you’d want to spend the rest of your life with. A widow and single mom for 20 years, she’s now happily married again. She brings wisdom from her own experiences, her clients and her research to talk you through what it takes.
Whether you’re single, widowed or divorced: if you’re ready to be proactive in the search for your soulmate, or you want to get some helpful advice for that friend or relative who’s always fretting about never finding the right guy, click play and let’s get real about finding romance.
Join the conversation on our FACEBOOK, TWITTER or INSTAGRAM pages
For more info on IMAGINE YOURSELF with Lanée Blaise and Sandy Kovach or to contact us, visit imagineyourselfpodcast.com
Join the conversation on our FACEBOOK, TWITTER or INSTAGRAM pages. Email at imagineyourselfpodcast@gmail.com
Thanks for being part of the Imagine Yourself Family! Follow or subscribe so you don't miss an episode!
From fairy tales to romcoms we are enchanted by couples who despite enormous odds, find each other, fall madly in love and then live happily ever after. In real life, things can be uh…a little more complicated. Not to say that romantic dreams don’t come true, but navigating the process of meeting people, dating, getting into relationships and maybe marriage is a challenging business. Now, add in that you’re trying to do it after 40 and things can get even trickier. Whether you’re looking for advice for yourself or a single friend or family member, our guest Renee Suzanne is here to help. An author and relationship coach, she helps women over 40 who want to date to find lasting love.
Dating, she tells us, is a skill that can be learned. From navigating dating apps and websites to advice to use on your dates and in your relationships, Renee fills us in on what it takes to find a man you’d want to spend the rest of your life with. A widow and single mom for 20 years, she’s now happily married again. She brings wisdom from her own experiences, her clients and her research to talk you through what it takes.
Whether you’re single, widowed or divorced: if you’re ready to be proactive in the search for your soulmate, or you want to get some helpful advice for that friend or relative who’s always fretting about never finding the right guy, click play and let’s get real about finding romance.
Join the conversation on our FACEBOOK, TWITTER or INSTAGRAM pages
For more info on IMAGINE YOURSELF with Lanée Blaise and Sandy Kovach or to contact us, visit imagineyourselfpodcast.com
Join the conversation on our FACEBOOK, TWITTER or INSTAGRAM pages. Email at imagineyourselfpodcast@gmail.com
Thanks for being part of the Imagine Yourself Family! Follow or subscribe so you don't miss an episode!
Sandy Kovach [00:00:01]:
Welcome to Imagine Yourself podcast, where we help you imagine your next chapter of life with grace, gratitude, courage and faith.
Lanée Blaise [00:00:10]:
We're talking about dating today and you have to listen in whether it's for yourself as you step into the dating scene or if you're asking for a friend and willing to learn a few things before you give advice to someone who is considering if or how they should try to find the relationships that they truly desire. So imagine yourself or your best friend dating to find lasting love. I'm Lanee here with Sandy and we are not dating experts, Sandy and I, no, not at all. But we do have our guest and our guest says that dating is a skill. So let's learn from our guest, "Relationship Renee". Renee Suzanne, who helps women over 40 start dating better men immediately so that they can meet and marry the man of their dreams. She is the creator of the Courted Method. I like that. A process that helps women date in order to create the lasting connection they really want. She's the author of "Beloved: How to Go From Relationship Challenged to Relationship Ready" and "Ten Things You Can Do to Upgrade Your Love Life". And she's happily married herself so she knows what she's talking about. So we want to welcome Renee Suzanne today. Thanks for coming to imagine yourself
Renee Suzanne [00:01:38]:
Thank you so much for having me. I'm delighted to be here.
Sandy Kovach [00:01:40]:
Renee, as Lanee mentioned, Ranee, Lanee --I'm going to have a lot of fun with this throughout.
Lanée Blaise [00:01:45]:
We're going to be twins.
Sandy Kovach [00:01:48]:
Now, all of us on this podcast are married, but you are married more recently and Lanee has been married, what, almost 25 years now. I am on my second marriage and actually did date for a while. I don't know if I was over 40, but I was close. So, I mean, I kind of know from where you're coming from, but it was before Tinder and now all that stuff just freaks me out. But you actually met your husband on Tinder and you know how all of the new stuff goes with the apps and what folks are doing. So is that the first thing that you recommend people do? Do they have to be on a dating app these days?
Renee Suzanne [00:02:22]:
Well, here is what I will say. These days, not using a dating app is kind of like walking across the country barefoot and I mean, it's just going to take so much longer. Why wouldn't you get on that airplane that is available to you? You have to know what you're doing. That's the thing. But not using the technology that is available to us these days is literally like saying, no thanks. I'm not going to go to the airport and get on a plane. I'm scared of flying. I'll just walk from L.A. To New York City. I don't care if it takes me however long that would take. It'll take you so much longer to quote unquote, meet someone in real life. They're not guaranteed to be any better or worse. There are people who have had their hearts broken by people they've met in real life. There are people who've been scammed and cheated on and lied to and had all the bad things happen with people that they've met at church, at bars, at restaurants, through friends, all of it. So why wouldn't you just learn how to use the technology that's available to us now effectively so that you can find your love that much faster, that much easier?
Lanée Blaise [00:03:33]:
Now you mentioned the word fear and that's the thing that I picked up on as far as dating at all again after a certain age. So some people have fear of technology, period. Some people have fear of dating, period. Some people have fear, I almost dare say, of men and men's intentions, period. How does a woman navigate and push aside some of those fears and go for it? Or how do they even start?
Renee Suzanne [00:04:03]:
People have good reasons to be afraid. We read all the time about all the craziness that can happen and people really like to pick on online dating. And these apps, I think it's because it's so prevalent, over half of new relationships are now beginning as a result of an online introduction, either apps or dating sites. When you increase those kind of numbers, you increase the good and the bad. And people just like to talk about the bad more. It's more interesting. You don't make reality shows about people who just go on nice dates, know, get married and buy a dog.
Sandy Kovach [00:04:39]:
Not the Hallmark Channel.
Renee Suzanne [00:04:40]:
Right. Exactly. So of course when you go on Facebook, when you go on Netflix and you see these shows about all the things that can happen, you're going to see that and that's going to grab your attention and you will be afraid, of course, if that's all you think about. And then when you add to that friends telling horror stories, maybe being a little later in life and having had some disappointments or heartbreaks or having lost someone you love and thinking about going out there and starting all over again after all that, after you've been through those things, maybe after you've had the kids. It's a little more complicated when you get older and there are all the things that we know. There are fewer single people. You don't know what their intentions are these days. It's not like when we were 20 or 25 or 30 and everybody was just graduated from college or high school and started working and was pretty much looking forward to starting a family, had never been married before or didn't have kids and complications of whatever else they're juggling, elderly parents maybe, or whatever. We are our increased responsibilities later in life. So when you add those things to the mix of learning to use the new technology can be a little intimidating. If you don't know how to use it, then that is really a recipe for being afraid. And what I say to the women that I work with all the time is you are a grown woman who has done lots of amazing things. You probably have a job. You probably graduated from high school and or college. Maybe you even have an advanced degree. You may have raised some children, bought and sold cars and homes and furniture and paid utility bills and run a house. Maybe you've taken care of your parents or loved ones or a dog or even a plant. You've done adult things and you can take it on yourself to learn how to date, to create the results you want. But we are not socialized to do that because we all grew up on the Hallmark Channel and Disney movies and chickflicks that tell us, oh, just be nice, be beautiful, be kind, maybe sing a few songs and clean the house and sweep out the chimney and your man is just going to come and find you because you're so nice and beautiful. And that's the way it goes. And that doesn't always happen, and maybe it does. And Prince Charming, it doesn't work out for whatever reason, and you find yourself alone a little later in life. And the idea of actually dating something to help yourself. First of all, you don't know that you're supposed to or that you can or that you should. Or maybe it's not ladylike to do that, so you just kind of wait and hope and wish and wait on God or the universe or you think, oh, sometimes your friends will try to comfort you. It'll happen when you least expect it. Or you'll run into him when you're supposed to. Don't worry, it's all fine. And I know I spent years believing that, and they were lonely years. And it was only when I learned some skills and learned how to present myself in the dating world that God and the universe helps those who help themselves, I like to say, and I do believe those things are on our side. And it's important to have faith and confidence, and it's also important to learn how to have our own back and get what we want in the world because we would never take that approach. Like if we wanted a job, oh, you'll get a job when you least expect it. Just hang out. Nobody would do that. So if you want something, learn how to get it.
Sandy Kovach [00:08:32]:
And that's kind of what you're here to talk to our listeners about. And as Linnae mentioned, it can be for someone listening who's single or someone who has a friend or a relative who's always like, oh, I can't meet the right person. So aside from technology, what's the biggest concern people come to you with?
Renee Suzanne [00:08:50]:
A lot of times what happens? My husband and I have these great conversations now that I'm married I can talk to him about what his experience was online, and it was very interesting and different than what a lot of women experience, because this is why I work with women. But women will take things so personally in a way that a man won't. For example, my husband, who is amazing, he has a master's degree in engineering. He's a really wonderful human being. He's my favorite person on the planet. And he was single for six years out there navigating online dating and apps intermittently because sometimes he would get discouraged. He was sending messages to 50 to 100 women for every one response he got. So he put in a lot of work just to get to go on the few dates that he went on. But his attitude was, well, I'm just going to do this until I meet someone. I guess this is what you have to do. And it never crossed his mind that love wasn't meant to be for him, that maybe all the good women were married or taken. Maybe he was too old. Maybe he just didn't have the right look. Maybe it just wasn't in the cards for him. Maybe he would run into her when he least expected it. He didn't ever say those things to himself. But those are things that I hear women say all the time. That ship has sailed. Maybe they should just be happy with their friends and their family and their kids and their pets and their jobs, or run a marathon or go on another girl's trip because maybe this thing just isn't meant to be because it hasn't just happened. Guys don't say things like that.
Lanée Blaise [00:10:30]:
It also seems like you mentioned those kind of like statistics as far as trying 50 or 60 times to end up with one hit. As far as a possible good date, maybe not even guarantee that it was a good date, and not taking that personally and not being discouraged by that because many times people will say, oh, it's so much easier for men. But hearing that from a great guy, that that was his experience, I hope would be encouraging to others who are saying, okay, so that's been my experience too, and I'm a female and I'm a great female.
Renee Suzanne [00:11:06]:
So yeah, exactly. There are so many wonderful males and females out there right now on these dating sites, on these apps who are looking for someone to love, who are looking for someone to share their lives with. Of course there are people who are looking for other things. There's no one dating site, no one dating app where there's all the good people and none of the bad people. I'm using air quotes bad people. Bad people who don't want what you do, and they're dishonest and disingenuous or maybe they're even catfishers. Do those things exist? Yes, they do. But when you learn how to date for the results you want, which means putting in your profile what it is that you want and having honest and upfront conversations about that and navigating something from messaging to a phone. Or zoom conversation to a first date with someone who lives near you rather quickly and seeing if there's a viable connection that's going to amp up into a relationship fairly quickly. That's going to save you like 99.9% of the ridiculousness, because catfishers aren't going to come and meet you. They're off in some other country pretending to be whoever they are. And this is like their job. Just don't send anybody money and meet people in real life for that first date pretty quickly. And the odds of you being catfished are going to plummet because you're not looking for a pen pal or someone to engage with on the internet. You're actually looking for someone to date in real life in person.
Sandy Kovach [00:12:45]:
That makes so much sense. Yeah. I've only heard about some of these catfishing things and that's where somebody will be maybe in another country or another state and you'll have a long distance relationship and they're just trying to extort money from you. That's what you're talking about, right?
Renee Suzanne [00:13:00]:
And pretending to be someone they're not. But people make such a big fuss about things that are so easy to avoid just because they make fodder for good headlines on whatever you're looking for online and they're very terrifying to read about if you go down that rabbit hole. But these things are so easy to avoid. They really are. You're going to smell a rat.
Lanée Blaise [00:13:19]:
And that could also be as far as people who are concerned, I'm bringing up a big one. But if the person might be married, then if they never want to see you or they have these weird hours where they have to talk to you, that could be a red flag also.
Renee Suzanne [00:13:33]:
Exactly, yeah. But those things are very easy to avoid. The cardinal rule of online dating and really of life is don't take anything personally just because some married guy or some guy tried to catfish you. Why are you going to swear off apps and then take ten years to wait for your friends to introduce you or to meet them at the grocery store? Why? If you really want to find the love of your life, don't shut it down just because one thing happened to you that was a little off. Your guy is out there and he's like going, oh, where is she? I would really like to find her. Like, my husband for six years was looking for someone. When you toss the dating sites and dating apps out of the mix and refuse to use them because you had one bad experience that are pretty easy to avoid, like, let's just say you're chatting with a man and, oh, it ends up that he was married or he ghosted you or whatever. If you found it out quickly, you just move on. Are there married people on there. Yeah, there are catfishers, there are weirdos, there are just men that you don't want to date. But your future husband is also out there, too. Don't forget that.
Sandy Kovach [00:14:42]:
There's weirdos and other people in the real world as well. So whether you do meet somebody online or whether you meet them at work or whether you meet them in a more traditional, quote unquote way, moving on from that to the dating experience, because that's kind of phase two, right? It's one thing to meet somebody, but then we get into the tricky world of relationships, or even before relationships, when you're just dating. So you have five easy ways to have a better dating experience. So what's that all about?
Renee Suzanne [00:15:12]:
Yeah, the first thing that I would suggest is I mostly talk about dating and meeting people online. Then you're going to want to be really truthful and upfront in your profile about the kind of relationship you're looking for and then have a conversation about it on that first date. And this is not interrogating someone, but it's just finding out what that person is looking for and making sure that that's a match with what you're looking for. And you can do that on a first date. No matter how you met the person, if you met the person in real life or your friends introduced you or whatever, you can still lean in on that first date and say, so, Bob, what are you looking for in the dating world? What experience are you looking for? Or something? If you're looking for marriage, so you've been married before. Do you still believe in the dream? Is that something that you would consider ever doing again? And this is like truth serum. They will tell you everything. I have heard some amazing things when I just say that and then lean in and see what he says. And you want to do this in person because you want to see the body language. Like, if he recoils in horror, you have your answer. They will spill the beans. I tell all my clients to do this too, and I've heard things and experienced in my own life when I was still single. One man told me he was still with his girlfriend, but they weren't really quite still together, but he was pulling away from her. And I'm like, Jess, please. And I had another person tell me they didn't think that marriage was necessary unless you wanted children. They will tell you all of the things because there's really not a whole lot of skin in the game on a very early date. They're more likely to hold back later after you've been on a couple of dates, they kind of might want to. And I'm not saying that people do this to be disingenuous, but people want to be liked. And you want someone to tell you the truth early on so that you can decide to act accordingly. It's not like interrogating someone like, okay, I want kids, and if you're not going to pop the question within six months, I'm out of here. You're not saying that you're asking an open ended question and then you're leaning in and really hearing what the other person says. And that is a very important thing to do on I always recommend first dates, but if you can't bring yourself to do it, then second date at the latest just so that you will get the truth and be able to act accordingly. Because then you're not having that where is this going? Conversation six months in when you're already in love with them and you finally get up the nerve to ask where things are going because you kind of know in your heart that they're not going anywhere.
Lanée Blaise [00:18:04]:
This is an interesting strategy because I would not have thought that, and I bet a lot of listeners wouldn't the first or second date to go ahead, ask the open ended question and really listen to what they say before you're invested. And like you said, not interrogate. The reason I like it is because you just left them there to really answer with the so what are you looking for in this relationship? Or So were you thinking about ever getting married again? I really hope that people listening will have the courage to go ahead and take this advice because kind of like you said, it's not what women are taught. And it's something that I feel like you mentioned also 20 year olds and stuff. If you ask questions like that, you're really going to scare them off, which maybe rightfully so, but when you are a grown person, you've had full experiences, why not ask a good question?
Renee Suzanne [00:19:02]:
People are afraid to ask this. Well, women are afraid to ask this question. Guys will ask you anything. And guys want things. They openly want things. And this is where I really like to stand for my ladies really being okay with what you want. And why on earth wouldn't you be meant to have love, to love and be loved in this world and to inspire others with your love story? Like, you don't know the ripples that this is going to have in the world. So the rightness of our desire for love, I think, cannot be underestimated because this is another thing I see often that women kind of do that men don't do, is they sort of poo poo their desires or they even desire shame each other. Like, I see this on Facebook all the time. Someone will say, I really want to meet someone. I'm lonesome. And people say, oh, girl, you're fine. You don't need a man. And I'm like, let her have her desire that she wants a man. Don't shame her. If you want love in your life, it is okay to want it. It is okay to pursue it. It is okay to do what it takes to learn how to date, to learn how to navigate the apps and the platforms that are available to us, and yes, to ask questions that you have a right to know the answer to.
Sandy Kovach [00:20:27]:
It's so interesting all the things that you're saying about women and how they even treat each other. I think they're trying to empower each other by saying, you don't need a man and you don't. If you don't want one, fine, but if you do yeah, what did you call it? Something shaming, you said.
Renee Suzanne [00:20:44]:
I think it's like desire shaming. And I really do think they mean well. But I remember experiencing that so much when I was single. And I really, with all my heart, wanted to meet someone. And people would tell me that, and I know they met well, but that was the desire. And it took so much courage for me to even admit that that's what I wanted. And then to have somebody say, oh, you don't need that, you shouldn't want that, just go work harder and make some more money and go on vacations with your friends and drink some wine and I'm like, no, I want the love of my life. Come on.
Lanée Blaise [00:21:17]:
You're getting at something though too, about like as far as being genuine with yourself, with God, with the world. Because so there's a few things not only admitting and understanding and embracing the desires that you have, but when you do meet people, like you said, asking the right questions, listening for the answers. And when they say, I don't want to be in a committed relationship, or even when you get that inclination like you said, you can kind of feel it, especially if you're face to face, then really make a decision. If you don't want to settle for that, don't. And don't think that this is the last person or the last opportunity or last chance that you have and consider moving on, especially since it's only one or two dates in. Which is why I love your strategy so much, because a lot of times we will think that we're going to change somebody or make excuses for them or say they just need more time when they have clearly stated what they want. And we don't want to set ourselves up for disappointment or set them up for disappointment if we say, okay, I can work with that, or I'm going.
Renee Suzanne [00:22:26]:
To get him to change. I see that all the time. And then women get heartbroken and they feel so burned and jaded, but they either didn't ask the question or they didn't listen to the answer or they didn't like the answer and they thought, oh well, I can convert him once he falls in love with me, once he sees how amazing I am. And that simply doesn't work. And I can tell you from my own experience and the experience of so many of the women that I have helped, I remember I had a dating profile up when I was still single. That was pretty upfront about what I wanted. And a man messaged me and he said, oh, you should take that down, you're going to scare all the men away. And I looked at his profile and it was all about how he wanted to date all the women. And I sort of sent him back a smiley face. And I said, you're exactly the kind of guy I want to scare away, but thanks for sharing.
Lanée Blaise [00:23:20]:
And it was fun.
Renee Suzanne [00:23:21]:
We had a good laugh about it. And I also had some men reach out to me and say, your profile was so inspiring. I'm not looking for a long term relationship, but I really loved reading your profile. Good luck.
Sandy Kovach [00:23:32]:
Nice from being authentic.
Renee Suzanne [00:23:34]:
Yeah.
Lanée Blaise [00:23:35]:
So there are some good folks out there, even whether they're for you or not for you. I wonder too, though, what are some of the mistakes that women make?
Renee Suzanne [00:23:45]:
Oh my gosh, so many. The biggest mistake that I see women make kind of what we already covered, not knowing how to use the dating platforms especially effectively or even knowing how to date because they think that once they meet the right person, these things just fall into place and they don't. What happens is when you understand how to navigate dating to get the results you want, you can attract and build a relationship with the person that comes in. And you are creating this with him. You're both creating it. It's not something that happens to you, it's something that you create. And the first step of creating it is actually admitting that you want it and having the courage to admit that you want it and communicate honestly about it. And from that place, the people that you're interacting with are going to lean in or they're going to fall away. But you are becoming the person who can have this kind of relationship, who can attract the kind of man who can have those kinds of conversations with you, who can build that kind of relationship with you. So that is a huge mistake, is thinking it's just going to happen. It's like pulling the lever on a slot machine. Sooner or later it's going to pay off. Kiss enough frogs, it's going to work out. That's not how it goes.
Sandy Kovach [00:25:05]:
No, it sounds very intentional. And you've given us a few tips on online dating, on just the dating relationships. And I know on your website and in your books and on your YouTube videos, you've got all kinds of things to help women answer these specific questions for themselves and maybe even set up something one on one with you, correct?
Renee Suzanne [00:25:28]:
Yes. All of that is available on my.
Lanée Blaise [00:25:30]:
Website because you even have a mini training that can help jump start that dating process also for women, is that correct?
Renee Suzanne [00:25:38]:
I do trainings all the time. So if you go to my website and get on my list, you will be able to have access to all the trainings I do. I just did one on how to write an amazing profile and I regularly offer trainings on Zoom and offer workbooks and offer practical advice for exactly how to set yourself up to get into the kind of relationship that you really want to experience.
Lanée Blaise [00:26:07]:
And you can find all of that on Renesusancoaching.com, right?
Renee Suzanne [00:26:13]:
That's right.
Lanée Blaise [00:26:14]:
And we'll have links to it in the show notes. As far as anyone looking on, imagine yourselfpodcast.com.
Renee Suzanne [00:26:19]:
Also, I could talk about this all day long. I love this stuff so much. Obviously, there's a lot to cover as far as dating skills and the dollars to donuts of doing that. Treat it like you would any other important goal you have, like finding a job. You wouldn't say something like, well, I threw a resume up on Monster and nobody called me, so I guess I'm just going to go live under a bridge. No, you would not do that.
Sandy Kovach [00:26:47]:
I'm going to live in a van down by the river.
Renee Suzanne [00:26:52]:
Exactly. So just normalizing. I think that this will take some effort. It's okay that it does. It doesn't mean that love isn't meant to be for you. It doesn't mean that you're not a beautiful, fabulous woman that a man would love to meet and be with and share his life with. Sometimes you have to work to get the things you want in life, and we all know that and we all accept that in other areas of life. And then we kind of go off the rails when it comes to love as women. And I just feel like dating and getting into the kind of relationship you want is one of the last holdouts of women being so disempowered when we've come so far in other areas.
Sandy Kovach [00:27:37]:
Yeah, there's a lot of personal feelings and I think it's easy to get offended and people are afraid of getting hurt. I think that's one thing that we probably haven't really talked a lot about, getting hurt and breaking up. But you got to get out there and risk that, right?
Renee Suzanne [00:27:51]:
Getting hurt and breaking up, as anyone can tell you, especially me, is so painful. And I went through probably more than my fair share of heartbreak. And I would tell you, looking back, I would do it all again twice over to be where I am today. It is so worth it to wake up every morning next to a wonderful man that I love. So I will say that and I will also say that being alone hurts too, when you don't want to be.
Lanée Blaise [00:28:19]:
I wonder too if sometimes we overthink a lot about this whole relationship aspect. Sandy and I have talked about how we are definitely going to one day just do an entire episode about overthinking. But when it comes to relationships, I just ask those listening to, please try your best to notice if. You are indeed overthinking the whole thing. Like, did I do this right? Did I do this wrong? Should I have said this? Should I have said that? Should I have just never tried and try to push down that type of thinking and replace it more with, I've decided I'm going to try this, so I'm going to try this. I am who I am. I love myself. I accept myself. I'm not for everyone. Not everyone is for me. And just kind of talk women, good common sense to yourself as if you were your own best friend. And that's the funny thing. I was talking to my daughter, who's only 21, and sometimes she lets herself just spiral out and go into all these what ifs should haves, would haves, could haves. And she and I really had a long talk about trying to quiet that a bit and get more into the good friend talking to herself.
Renee Suzanne [00:29:38]:
I love that so much. That's the self love, too. That's having your own back. At the end of the day, I believe we are all always doing the best we can. There's that saying there but for the grace of God, there go I, or something like that. There are people who are doing the best they can, and it may look terrible to us, but they're doing the best they can. And if you give yourself that grace, hey, I did the best I could. Maybe that wasn't the right thing to say, but I did the best I could at the time. I was having a bad day. Sometimes it does help to think about the reasons that you did that and say, okay, I had a good reason for doing that. I didn't do that just to be mean. I did that because I had a bad day at work and my feelings were hurt and I was reacting. I often recommend that my clients talk to themselves the way they would talk to their own daughter or a beloved niece or a best friend. We all know that I have two daughters. They are not perfect. But I would never say, oh, you should have never said that. That was terrible. What were you thinking? You wouldn't talk to your daughter or your best friend that way, even if they maybe didn't say quite exactly the most perfect thing.
Lanée Blaise [00:30:58]:
Yeah, that's kind of the way I see it, too. And even best friends, sometimes you do have to tell them some hard truths, like, just so you remember, this guy is not the same guy as your ex. So maybe to try not to put him in that same category, but like you said, with grace and with love instead of just beating them down.
Renee Suzanne [00:31:20]:
Yeah. And another thing I will say is when you love yourself and have your own back and you ask the right questions and you're in a relationship with somebody who's really in it to win it, there will be grace to maybe not say the right thing all the time. I mean, I've been married for five years now and my husband is not still with me because I do all the things right all of the time. Let's just say that we have both had some bad days and said some things that we wish that we wouldn't have said. And when you have your own back and you really own what it is you want and get into a relationship that is solid, where you have open communication, where you are in it to win it and you are committed to this long term relationship to each other, to be married or whatever kind of relationship you've agreed to. They're not going to go away at the drop of a hat because you burnt dinner or said the wrong thing. They're going to understand that you have your piccadillos. Like, for instance, this is my second marriage. My first husband passed away when I was 28, and sometimes I'm a little neurotic. I found my husband and he had had a heart attack and it was terrible. And sometimes I get a little worried about like, hey, can you call me when your plane lands? Or whatever. And my husband knows that I can be kind of even after as many years as it's been. Sometimes I worry and I need to calm down and he gives me some grace on things like that. I don't have to be perfect to be in a relationship. No one does. We all know that we're signing on to be in relationships with real humans.
Sandy Kovach [00:33:04]:
Absolutely. Just like when we go out and we date and we try not to. I always like the term, you send out your representative. You don't really send out your real self or your PR person. Eventually the real person does come around and the more you can be authentic in the beginning, probably the better off you are. And certainly by the time you're ready to commit and get married, you should not be with your representative. You should be with the real person.
Renee Suzanne [00:33:30]:
Yes. That reminds me, my best friend, back when I was really in it and very disappointed with my dating journey, I was kind of wondering about a lot of things and I had a really long heart to heart with my best friend and, you know, maybe I should just stop being so high maintenance. I'm like, so high maintenance and maybe that just turns guys off. And she just laughed and she said, renee, there's no way you could ever not be high maintenance. So just own like, this is the great thing about best friends. They just tell you. And my best friend, she knows me, she knows all the things, and she loves me anyway, and so does my husband, by the way. And she's like, I don't think you're ever going to pull off not being high maintenance, so you might as well just come at him with it. If he can't deal with it, he's not your guy.
Lanée Blaise [00:34:24]:
And that's important and that's fair. And he embraced you, and you didn't have to compromise or be less high maintenance.
Renee Suzanne [00:34:31]:
Exactly.
Lanée Blaise [00:34:32]:
I think that's the perfect story. I wanted to share one little thing before we go, also for people who are listening. I know that you mentioned at the beginning especially a lot about the technology and the apps and some people who are afraid. I just want to tell a little tiny story. My father is 75 years old, and he lost his he'd been married for 47 years. I believe he reentered the dating world. He is the least technological person on the planet. Like, he still has the corded phone in the kitchen. But I just wanted to give encouragement that he did say that he wanted to be in a relationship and he wanted to find love again, and he didn't want to be by himself. And my sisters and I were kind of talking like, how did this dude figure out how to do a profile and get on a dating app? But he still works. And I think he went to work and used his lunch break to get people in the break room to help him to figure out how to put a picture on there because he does nothing. He's not on social media, nothing. But he was able to navigate it. So that's that part about friendship and resourcefulness where you may not have that strength at all, you reach out to someone who does. And he found someone who also was interested in a serious, legitimate relationship, not just trying to be fancy free and kick your heels up. And they have developed an actual relationship. And like you said, with the boundaries as far as got to ask those questions, do you ever want to get married again? Do you not? Things like that. But this is just encouragement. I know it's from a man instead of a women, but it's for someone who never thought that he would be by himself, because he thought that men usually pass away first, and he didn't think that he would be the one left behind. But he is trying to make the best of it. And the lady has grown children herself who were like, well, let's meet this man and make sure that he's not going to lock you in the basement one day. And met my sisters and brother to make sure, like, okay, this man is legitimate. He has kids who seem like they're cool. It's just a little story to give encouragement to those who, for whatever reason, think that they can't do it. I'm kind of like, if he can do it, anybody can do it. So that's just my little takeaway for the day.
Renee Suzanne [00:37:18]:
Oh, I love that. I love that so much. Good for him.
Lanée Blaise [00:37:22]:
Good for him. He did it because people at work sometimes can get excited and help you with things like technology, along with going on your website, also to get some of those tips, too.
Sandy Kovach [00:37:34]:
Yeah. So let's go one more time through your offer and through your website, and we're going to link up to it in the Show notes as well.
Renee Suzanne [00:37:41]:
Yes. On my website, you can find a video called how to Get Into the Relationship You Want. If you enter your name and email address, it will be sent to you automatically and then you'll be on my email list. You'll get the best dating advice in the world, in my opinion. You'll see, all of the trainings that I do, I do them periodically. I just did a profile writing training and if you would like access to that, you can just email me, Renee at Renee Suzannecoaching.com, and I'll be happy to send you that. And I am a coach for women who really want to date so that they can meet the one. All right.
Sandy Kovach [00:38:25]:
I love it.
Lanée Blaise [00:38:26]:
Love it, too. We want to thank you so much for being transparent, for giving good advice, for helping us today and those that we care about.
Renee Suzanne [00:38:35]:
You are so welcome. It was so fun to be here. I'm really glad to have met you both.
Sandy Kovach [00:38:41]:
Thank you.
Lanée Blaise [00:38:42]:
So, for everyone listening, imagine yourself or your friend or your parent even, for all we know, whoever it is that is ready to take that next step. Imagine taking that next step into the dating world with success, with self love and finding a person that you can start a relationship with that matters, that count and that last.
Sandy Kovach [00:39:08]:
Thanks for listening. Glad you could spend a little time with us today. Hopefully this was helpful for you or for someone in your life. We'd love your feedback. You can message us@imagineyourselfpodcast.com there. You'll also find links to our social media and of course, we'll have information on Renee Suzanne and where you can get in touch with her. We'll also drop that info in the Show Notes if you want to pop down there. And while you're at it, if you could take a moment to give us a rating and a review, we would so appreciate that. It helps us to shape our podcast and also helps folks find us as well. Until next time, when we have something new to imagine. Here's to your happily ever after.